Straight, Straight, ….. kinda?

I’m telling this story because KaPau! reminded me of the typical scene when I go out ends up in similar predicaments as she does. A few months ago, I went out with 2 girlfriends to this really neat bar in a neighborhood in the small city that I usually really like. It was cold outside, so most of the outdoor activities like ping pong, cornhole, and other games are closed or not really getting much use, everyone is inside huddled around the bar. The bar is a long bar to the right of the door when you walk in, kind of an L shape, curving to the right with the corner right by the front door, the short edge kind of in a nook in the corner with a few tables by the front window, a little more cozy there. We walk in and right on the corner of the bar are two lesbians making out, not just kissing mind you, but groping, face swallowing, making out. Little offensive, not because they are gay, I’m just as offended by straight people doing that out in the open. Take it somewhere more private, not right at the front door people, it’s just tacky.

We look around for seats, crap, nothing but over on the short side in the nook… .next to the lesbians. So we grab 3 bar stools and sit. Well at the time I had given up smoking for almost a year, but both of my friends were smokers. So they were up and down going outside to smoke. Finally, the girls stopped making out behind us, and one got up to go to the bathroom, leaving the more masculine of the couple alone. She swings around on her barstool to us, very drunk, and looks at the three of us, points and me and says “Straight”, points at my greek friend and says “Straight”, then points at my redheaded friend (who consequently has the same haircut as the butch girl) and says “Kinda”. “Straight, straight…. kinda”. We all crack up, well except the “kinda” one. She’s offended, she is going through a divorce, she likes men, but I do admit, there are times I’ve wondered about her. Maybe it’s just b/c she’s a powerful woman, an attorney, loudmouth, who loves baseball? Maybe it was the cutting of the hair to that spiky in the back long in the front, very butch cut? Idk… anyway, so very funny. So my friends take off to go smoke, her girlfriend is out with them,  and I’m left with butch… remember, she knows I’m straight, she deemed me straight, no gaydar has ever gone off when someone looks at me, I have zero gay in me short of being the best fag hag on the planet! She scoots up next to my stool and I’m fine being friendly to her, she’s talking about how this isn’t even her girlfriend, this chick she’s with is married and in the closet, then she proceeds to put her hand on my leg, and not only sit it there, slides it up a little too high for comfort! I grab her hand, put it back on her lap and say “no thank you, ‘straight’ remember”. She said “ya, I know, but you are pretty, can’t a girl dream?”…. what the hell, go home dream about me all you want, I don’t care, but do NOT put your hands on me in THAT way. So my friends come back and we kind of ignore her and her lover, when we realize they are gone. Whew…. right?

Not so fast… now there is a guy sitting there with a treble clef tattoo on his neck, crazy eyes, texting furiously, and he keeps looking at ME. Of course, can’t look at my friends, can’t look at the 50 other girls out in the rest of the bar. Instead looking at me, over and over, and every time I look, I can’t help see him because he’s in my line of sight to the rest of the bar where I’m trying to scope for hotties! So now he thinks I’m looking at him. GREAT. Off go my friends again… here he comes, scooting down the bar seats at me. Volunteering immediatly that he is texting with his MOTHER, tellin her he’ll be home by midnight… oh yes folks, it gets worse. Then tells me his mom is a nurse too, and the greatest woman on the planet, he loves nurses, and he never wants to not live with his mom. I got the feeling he would still breast feed from her if he could…. He also said “I’”m not crazy or anything! I mean, I’m bipolar, but I’m not crazy, they let me out of the hospital and said I was ok now”. I’m about to cry at this point, ready to start smoking again, just to be free of this guy! I finally text my friends to PLEASE come back! The Greek comes back, turns out my other friend met a guy outside and is making out with him… guess the “kinda” comment scared her enough to prove there was no “kinda”. Whatever, just SAVE me! So finally I go outside with them to freeze and stand under the heaters… it’s closing time now, and as we turn to walk in, the guy my friend is making out with is behind me and cops a feel of my ass as my friend grabs his other hand to pull him past me! yes, he didn’t just accidentally brush by my ass, he grabbed a handful and made it clear it was intentional. I tell my fiend, she’s hurt, but says she doesn’t really care, he’s here from out of town, and will never see him again anyway, it was just fun to make out. oooook. Can we just leave?

And that is what happens to me when I go out to bars, with my friends. You can see why I chose online dating over the more traditional method of  meeting people?

Here’s a funny, looking for pics of the inside of the place, I found a video of former pres. clinton visiting there, lmao… it starts off with him at the bar and secret service all around him, sitting in the exact spot all the crazies that hit on me that night were in!

The No-Fail Way to Make Me Roll My Eyes

Look into my eyes

There are so many things I roll my eyes at I think I need a list.

1. people who can’t fill out a simple form and say “can you help me with this, I don’t know what goes in the blank that says “ADDRESS”"… eye roll!

2. the old short guy that stares at my cleavage rather than looking up at my face at starbucks every morning

3. men that try to play “hard to get” and other such games to get a girls interest rather than just being genuine and sweet

4. people who let their kid scream and throw a fit at the grocery store and do NOTHING to correct their behavior, then give in and hand them the candy.

5. people in line on their cell phones that tell the cashier to hold on while they finish their call and everyone else has to wait because it takes them 10 minutes to pay.

6. People who go running into a business 5 minutes before closing and say “whew.. glad I made it” and then stay 30 minutes after closing time, when they should have planned better, instead the employees suffer staying late.

7. People who make their emergency your problem. It’s not my fault you suck at life and can’t plan ahead!

8. People who always have an excuse that blames someone else for their incompetence.

9. Traffic on the highway over the lake because as soon as people see a lake they go “ooooh, a lake, better slam on my breaks and take a pic” like they have never seen water before….oops, did they just cause an accident?

10. Traffic lights that aren’t synced right. city planners need to either put the lights on timers or use sensors, you can’t use both or traffic gets all jammed up!

11. People who are so busy in their cars texting or calling or doing other things that they sit a a green light, then when you honk to let them know the light changed they flip you the bird. If you need to do other things besides drive, get off the road and do them, then resume driving when you are done!

12. People who don’t pay their bills, get into foreclosure, but party, shop, and otherwise poorly manage their money. BILLS FIRST people!

I could go on forever… if ya can’t tell. I think you can see the theme here, it’s inconsiderate self centered people I can’t tolerate. People need to look up, look around, pay attention, and think of someone other than themselves for once! Isn’t anyone responsible anymore? both socially and economically… the world would be a better place is people took a little personal responsibility.