what’s new with me?

I’m glad you asked! I realize I haven’t posted much lately, and it’s mostly because I haven’t much to say these days. But I do have some happy news. I have an amazing new job! I am officially an ICU nurse. I knew I got it after the interview, it was just a matter of waiting for the official offer from human resources. Which unexpectedly came as three offers! I had interviewed two weeks prior for another easier position but wasn’t sure if I got it, apparently I did, and had to choose. The ICU position was an interview for two different critical care positions, neuro and regular. I made the decision of regular for now, maybe transfer to neuro after a year or two. The pay is great, especially being a night shift, and the benefits can’t be beat. I love the hospital and staff that I’ve met thus far, so I’m sure going to work every night will be an educational experience. On the down side, back to school I go! I have to get two special certifications in the next six months. CCRN and ACLS. But it’s for the best, it’s great to have both on my resume and change my title to CCRN from RN. This is the job every recent graduate dreams of, it opens doors to my future that help me live the life I want to live. So, that is that. I start December 13th.

Other than that, nothing new is going on. Friends are friends, no new boys and I’d rather there not be at this time with so much new work related stuff going on. I’ve been reading, a lot. I’ve finished the Sookie books, the Wolves of Mercy Falls series, watched a ton of movies, worked, baked lots of bread, and hung out with friends. I suppose I should write about the bonfire night and the revelation I had. Maybe later. I have cinnamon rolls ready to go in the oven and have to get to the store to buy ingredients for the frosting! Hope you all had a hearty Thanksgiving and lots to be thankful for.

Is it worth it?

I applied for a job about a month ago in the state I moved here from, at a mental hospital, I really didn’t research it, or even where it was, I just got the job listing on the state website. It’s in a TINY town, I mean really really tiny, and closest city/town close to it is an hour away and roughly the size of where I’m living now! Population where I’d be living is about 3300.

They called me last week, to see if I was really interested, I said yes of course! It’s a full time job in the area I want to work in. She said she’d pass my application to the Nurse Manager and they would let me know. Well… today they called! I really didn’t think about it much more, thinking they would probably hire someone closer. But NOPE! So today I’ve been searching for airfare rates, which all turned out horribly high! Plus trying to find a BLS (healthcare CPR) renewal class in my area since mine expires tomorrow! eeeek… but, I found one for tomorrow night. The cheapest ticket I found to this place was $340, plus I’d have to drive 3 hours to the interview, but I’d have a free place to stay with friends and get to go home. I haven’t been back since I left almost 7 years ago, so that is enticing to say the least! Good food, the city, I’m so homesick at this moment I can’t describe how I feel about going back. I want it with every fiber of my being. I just want to run around downtown screaming like a maniac and kissing the dirty sidewalks! Knowing I’m close enough to spend weekends and such with friends would mean the world to me. It’s just not quite close enough.

It’s a good job though, pay is great, free health ins. from the state, awesome benefits. It is essentially what I want to do for the rest of my life, working with the criminally insane, and get my nurse practitioners license in mental health. Downside, a smaller town than even where I am now and nothing close to give me a break. It’s also not exactly where I wanted to live the rest of my life. Ugh… I don’t want to have to move AGAIN in 2 years. I want to get to the Northwest BAD. I need NEW culture, something less southern, something, different, totally different, from what I’m use to. Small town, big city, doesn’t matter when the culture is totally different, and where I came from and where I am now, are both similar cultures.

I’m so torn about this. I want to go, I don’t want to spend the money, even if it’s a cheap buddy pass from my brother it will still cost me around $300+ by the time I’m done with eating and all that stuff. Would the decision be easier if it was somewhere I WANTED to live? I think so. I’m going to buckle down and focus on that as well, for the next few weeks. I’ll tell the state I’m working on getting a airline ticket, and put them off another week, see if I can line up prospects where I want to be. The good side of all of this is it gives me hope, it lit a fire under my ass, to get things started again, looking where I want to be, focusing on what I need to do to get there.

The weird thing, has also brought up this huge amount of emotion about going back. I mean permanently. I walked away from there feeling that there was nothing left for me there, that I was moving on to bigger and better things. Going back almost feels like defeat to me, even though I have a new career, another degree under my belt, and a new outlook on life. I know who I am now, so in a way, I fear going back will bring back who I was, which wasn’t the best place for me. I realize I’ve been in a bad place lately even here, probably the darkest place I’ve ever been, but, I’m still not who I was 7 years ago. I can’t really describe who I was, probably because I didn’t know, so going back to face that scares the living crap out of me. Then, in another sense, I feel like even if I don’t take the job, going back and facing my past might be a big, important step for me in personal growth. It could make me feel better, get me out of this funk I’m in, I can get some of the adrenaline rush things I want to do out of my system for sure! I know where to go and what to do there! I’m so torn now, I doubt I’ll sleep tonight…

This could only happen to me

I got my paper nursing license finally in the mail yesterday, I was so excited, I didn’t really look at it for a few minutes, just waved it around. Then I looked… what the…. ? Did they put the wrong middle initial? They did! CRAP!

So I call the nursing board today, I get passed from person to person, finally a lady says it doesn’t really matter because employers verify my license through their website anyway, and it’s correct there. The only people who would see the certificate would be people who came to my office. As my middle initial being totally different from my degrees wouldn’t be noticeable or bring up questions. Clearly the lady on the phone was not an RN who didn’t understand the importance of that little piece of paper to me.

So she transferred me to someone who doesn’t answer their phone. I can tell this will be fun. My mom keeps saying “well, you are dealing with the state.” I keep trying to tell her the nursing board is not “the state”. Each state has a nursing board, but they are not a government office. There is no excuse for this. Someone even put their seal on it and never compared to see that it was incorrect. I’m not a happy camper after that phone call.