23
Jul
10

Deception


No, this post isn’t what you think it’s about. It’s not about men cheating and lying to women… well, not in the way you think.

Remember the date I had with the other guy last night? Lets call him “Stewart”, seems a fitting name. Stewart texts me as I’m leaving the house, he forgot his debit card. Wants to know if the grocery store by where we are meeting will cash a check, I told him to let me know if they do and if he wants to go out another time we can. No way am I paying for some guy’s drinks on a first date when he asked ME out! So they cash the check, thank god. Great. I get there first because of his realization and being at the grocery store getting money. I stand out there in 97 degree heat, sweating off all the work I put into looking smokin just 15 minutes ago. I really looked hot last night. Finally this guy walks up, as soon as I see him, before he opens his mouth, I thought “he looks gay”. Yes folks, as in homosexual.

Don’t get me wrong, I love gay men, no one makes a better girlfriend than a gay man. But don’t represent yourself as a straight man and ask me on a date because you are confused. And then it happened. He opened his mouth, oh yes, this man is gay. How can I be sure you ask? I have GREAT gaydar, before moving here to the lovely land of closet homos in the bible belt, I had many gay friends and was one of the best hags to go down in history. Not only does this man tell me he was a flight attendant at one point, he begins talking about his good friend who has swinger “eyes wide shut” parties among other things and his bff is gay. Hooooooooooooold up, dude, why exactly did you ask me on a date? Was I the last ditch effort to prove to yourself if you are gay? Let me list the ways I know he was gay.

1. his walk

2. his clothes were better than mine

3. ex-flight attendant

4. mentions swinger parties that are like “eyes wide shut”

5. first thing he notices is not how nice I look, but the tranny sitting across from us

6. he didn’t even try to touch me once! and I’m HOT!

In the end, he didn’t even offer to pay for my drinks, gave me the gay man pat on the shoulders no body contact hug goodnight, said his “friend” was across the street and he was staying to meet him for a drink. Whatever! Why do I have to be the date that proves to a man just how gay he is? That my friends is deceptive to me, to him, to the world. I realize it’s the bible belt, but there is no need to get me involved in your twisted head games. Worst.date.ever.

I ended up calling my friend in California and telling her about it, her husband was so amused he got on the phone so I could tell him the story. So I’m back down to dating one…

I’m cooking for Brown tonight, and I’m going to give him 2 choices; he can either delete the online dating profile and quit dating other women so we can have hot sweaty monkey sex with out any guilt on my part about not being in a monogamous relationship, or I can lasso him and tie him to the bed and make him my sex slave. His choice.

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