The elusive ephiphany

It’s funny when you think about something long enough, you think you should have some sort of moment, an epiphany or something. You have a dilemma in life, so you take some time to ponder your problem, and sometimes, you just can’t find that ever elusive epiphany that you are searching for. That moment of “AH HA!”, keeps escaping you. But if you think about your motivation for finding this solution, you may just find that no matter what you come up with you know it won’t solve your problem.

In dating, we often find someone has the upper hand, sometimes this switches back and forth in a relationship, sometimes someone is always chasing the other one. I began my relationship with Brown with the upper hand, I honestly thought he was just ok, not someone I was very interested in as more than a friend. I’m not sure when this switch of hands happened but suddenly I now find myself wanting him more than he wants me. After 3 weeks of seeing him, using sex to manipulate him (I admit, I used it to keep his interest, and never should have given it so freely), and being way too nice, I just realized… it’s not him that I want… it’s the validation that he wants me! He did some things right in the beginning, clearly, he managed to get hand, but now he doesn’t have to, he knows he has what he wanted.

It just hit me, I’m better than this! Not when I was looking for it, not what I was looking for, quite the opposite! I’m better at this game, I’m better than him, I’m better than the way he treats me. After 3 weeks, he should know if he wants to be with me or has deeper feelings for me, and he should def. not be dating other women if he does. So what am I to this man?

Okay, let me backtrack. In getting to know Brown I have come to realize he is a “catch” of a man. He is smart, with a good career, stable, funny, and all that and a bag of chips. Plus he is cute, not the hottest man I’ve dated, but he has qualities that are attractive. He is someone I could see myself with long term, except for one thing, the most important thing, the way he is treating me now that he has hand. I know I said I was seeking validation, but who isn’t? We all want to be wanted in some way or another. But I do not want to be wanted on his terms only. I do not want to be wanted for his own experiment in dating, to see how many girls he can get dates with in one week. I really am better than this!

I think I will bring him his sunglasses on Monday, but I feel ok with just bringing those to him because he just lost his hand. I’m also ok hanging out with him, but it’s funny how things will be so different now that I finally had my epiphany! If I’m not having fun, not getting what I want, not what he wants, I’m going to leave, and just go home, I don’t need his validation, I found something today… the ever elusive epiphany.


2 Responses to “The elusive ephiphany”

  1. July 25, 2010 at 6:19 am

    Are you willing to listen to a guy? By your own admission you gave him sex too soon. That is the reason that he is non commital now. Men are hard wired for the chase. No chase, no interest. I tell all my women clients to not give sex until there is a committed relationship. You only hurt yourself. You first have to respect yourself before you can expect a guy to respect you. Part of self respect is not jumping into the sack with the guy.

    Some guys might not come back if you don’t put out, but that is okay, you did not want those guys anyway, they are only players moving towards the next conquest.

    I say it not to put you down but to build you up. Try it my way and see if it does not work better for you in the long run.

    Blessings on you and yours
    John Wilder

    • July 25, 2010 at 1:10 pm

      Thanks John, I completly agree with you. I am well aware that I made a mistake. I haven’t let it happen again, nor do I plan to. I never have sex with a guy outside of a committed monogamous relationship, much less while he’s still on a dating website. It was a mistake on my part while I had too much to drink and got to a needy place in my mind. I did what was easy and what will keep most guys coming around for a little while, but not what will make me ultimately happy in the end. I’m clearly not in that place anymore, and whether or not the relationship can withstand this, only time will tell.

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