29
Jul
10

Ladies, it’s YOUR FAULT you are single!


Please note the sarcasm in the title ladies, no need to tell me off, I’m on your side, mostly. If you have done online dating, or hell, have a facebook page, you have seen the ad’s for these self proclaimed dating and relationship gurus. They are going to tell you how to catch and keep your man, and why the love of your life bolted. Then they are going to tell you how to fix it…. for a small fee of course. Plus you need to buy their book… and all 7 of their programs on DVD… and of course, don’t forget to subscribe to their newsletter so they can pitch every new product they have at you on a daily basis.

This is my new project to help men with their dating issues, you know you love it!

Ok, so I was curious, just why do men take off when things get serious? And could these self proclaimed gurus’s have any insight? I mean, I was just under the impression men weren’t as self actualized as women, and of course, the dangley things between their legs make them act like pigs. Who knew it was such an in depth subject that we needed this much information! After all, Evan Marc Katz, one of the coaches newsletters said “We men care about two main things: Are you sexy? Are you fun to be around? If you are, we’re coming back for more.” REALLY? That is all there is to it? Wow, I should be swarming with engagement proposals if that’s the case! Huh… so why is it that the men in my life keep getting scared? Well according to Christian Carter it’s because I tried to talk to them, about feeeeeeelings! GASP! *insert me singing “feeeeelllings” right here* Who ever heard of adults acting like adults and talking? I should have not tried to talk to them. I should have played coy, hard to get, not ever called them, or done anything nice for them, and acted like a stripper on a pole all day long… THAT is what men want according to him! Because according to him, it’s MY fault when a man bolts.

Let me say that I do know I’m accountable for some of the times when a man has bolted from me. I clearly see where I’ve gone wrong. The funny thing is, men act needy and clingy too and I’m the one that bolts from them. Believe me, I know all about a level 4 clinger and have had to deal with dumping one, it’s not easy. I also have dated some men that are mature normal and capable of talking about a relationship and where it’s going without being scared. What I don’t like about what these people are saying is that it is the woman’s fault, we are yet to take on another burden, we are now supposed to be responsible for someone else, their emotional maturity, insecurities, and commitment issues.

Christian Carter said today that after a guy starts to distance himself from you, you have 2 choices “Choice #1) Try Talking To Him” or “Choice #2) Inspire His Devotion Again”…. Riiiiiiigggghhhhtttt… because you shouldn’t ever try to talk to a man like an adult, you have to trick him into liking you. The thing I have such a problem with is this; once a man has one foot out the door, I mean, by the time we realize it, it’s too late to do anything. Their decision is made that they don’t want to be with you anymore. He says “I get that it can be a frightening idea that all it takes is just a few wrong words or actions as a woman and “Wham!”… the man in your life that you’ve been sharing so much of yourself with is suddenly not feeling it for you anymore.” in reply to a woman asking for advice. WOW, wait, did he just totally blame this man’s commitment issues totally on her? I get what he’s saying, don’t act needy and clingy. But what if this woman asking him why, wasn’t needy and clingy, what if the guy has issues that she can’t do anything about, are you still going to try to sell her your book…. looks like by the end of the email you have tried books and DVD programs.

Refer to my blog here. This was the end of Brown and I. I had done nothing up until that point that was needy, clingy, asked for attention, or was otherwise different from how I had been all along. I am just like my blogs in real life, just add a little sexy in there. I’m a smart ass, straight shooter, playful, silly, stupid, klutzy, smart, and yes, sometimes bitchy woman. He knew this the first time I met him, I don’t try to hide who I am, I embrace it, and everyone else should too. Yes, I had voiced a concern to him that we slept together too soon. All I said was 8 words “Do you think we had sex too soon?”. Those 8 little words were taken that I was needy, clingy, acting funny? How is that possible based on my previous behavior? I really want to know why I can’t have an open discussion about sex with someone I’m doing it with? Does that mean I can’t say “a little to the left” or “faster, harder, slower” or any other guidance during the act too? What exactly am I allowed to say that won’t be construed as “needy”? If I said “I wish we had more sex” I doubt that would cause such miscommunication. His reaction to my question was based on past experience with a clinger, not on my past behavior. So then when I was positive I was getting the brush off, I figured “eh, what the hell, I’ll try to give him his shit back, if he doesn’t reply, I’ll trash them”… dude tells me to “dial down the crazy”. WTF? You can see the conversation there. I wasn’t needy, clingy, as a matter of a fact, I was pissed by the end of it. I can’t give you exact words before I quoted the conversation because it would give away personal information, but I promise, it was NOT crazy, or needy, I just asked first if I should toss them, or second if I should pass them along to him if that was easier since he didn’t want to see me. All he had to do was say “ya, do that”, but his own guilt issues and well asshole issues, caused him to lump me with his crazy ex and every other clinger he’s had experience with, and also to attempt to make me feel bad, thus eliminating his guilt over pulling the disappearing act, seeing other women, and putting the blame back on me. You see what happened here? I do. And by the way, I’m bringing his glasses to work tomorrow to have a mutual person we both know pass them along to him, outta spite, instead of being the “crazy” he wants me to be and smashing them. Ya, I’m a little pouty, smashy would have been so fun. Damn ethics.

Sorry for the detour, I just think that example was important to drive home a point. Ladies, the thing is this, these “gurus” are out to make money. What they say about men isn’t right for all men, or even the majority of men. Movies like “The Ugly Truth” make it look like it’s up to us to be this perfect dream woman for this totally screwed up, commitment phobic, non-self actualized man. It’s a funny movie, don’t get me wrong, I own it, it totally cracks me up. And if you want that burden and you want to fake who you are for the duration of your relationship or rest of your life to catch that kind of man, by all means, take their advice and change who you are, but i promise you, he’s still going to lie to you and cheat on you and leave you anyway in the end. And where are the books for him, on how to not think we are all clingers and psychos? How about some of them fix their issues for once? Why the hell do I always have to compensate for some exgirlfriends issues? I’m telling you all, I’ve had it up to here. Do you see how high that is, well it’s as high as I can make it go, so deal with it, but I’m holding my hand up REALLY high!

So here is a little relationship advice for all of you. Men and women. Get over it, your past is not your future, your ex is not the same person you are dating now. If you can’t forgive them, yourself, and forget the pain you once felt, you should not be dating again. Get a therapist and get over it. Stop with these guru’s and go to a therapist if you want real advice, a book or newsletter or seminar can’t tell you what is wrong with your specific relationship. If you keep having the same issue over and over and over, go to a shrink if you can’t see what it is you are doing wrong, hell, ask a good friend to help you look at things. Maybe it’s not what you do, but who you pick that is the problem… Maybe if we all take our heads out of our asses for a while we can figure this out and learn to have happy relationships.

Ok, I really just wanted to use this image cause it's funny

Advertisements

6 Responses to “Ladies, it’s YOUR FAULT you are single!”


  1. July 29, 2010 at 8:07 pm

    Brilliant!! I can’t believe anyone would take that advice (from the misogynistic tool) and actually pay for it. Talk about slime!

  2. July 29, 2010 at 10:30 pm

    I don’t know that they are doing to be slimy, I think they think they are helping. But what I see is it lowers women’s self-esteem by letting her blame herself. If the woman has clingy, needy tendencies, then by all means, these are the BEST people for them to get advice from. Someone needs to tell them! Cause they are screwing up the men I date who assume I’m the same way!

    Also I should mention, once in a while, one of them says something smart. I did quote one of them when I said “you can’t build anything if you keep moving” or something like that. Mr. Katz said that and his advice is a little on the moderate side of things in comparison with some others.

    I get that men don’t want to talk about how we feel and where things are going, I really do. But… and it’s a BIG BUT, WE DO! So how about we compromise in relationships, we keep the conversations to a minimum, men stop acting flighty and tell us what’s wrong. Something I find funny in couples that have been together for like 20 years, they tell the other one RIGHT when something bugs them, neither party is worried about communication issues. The wife never worries her husband will bolt because she asks what’s wrong, because when she asks he’ll openly say “_____ is buggin the crap outta me, knock it off”, usually before she has to ask! And she can ask “what’s goin on, why are you acting so funny?” with out the fear that she’s coming off clingy, he’ll either tell her then or later, but either way, she’ll find out. I’m not sure what’s changed with my generation that we can’t communicate on that level, but it makes me sad.

  3. September 30, 2011 at 7:17 pm

    I had to google to phrase “does anybody realize christian carter is a d********” after I read something he wrote , your blog popped up, love it .
    I have shared it with friends it’s awesome

  4. 4 KharmaCameleon
    April 30, 2012 at 2:37 pm

    Gosh I wish I didn’t find this site as late as I did. Entertaining and TRUE. I’m curious to know what you finally did about Brown the a-hole. Though I’m sure whatever you did or didn’t do, the conclusion drawn was that it really doesn’t matter what you do, it’s all a loosing game with men anyway. Best thing to do is mirror their actions: They bolt, you bolt faster. How can you talk “Truth” with animals that don’t have an ounce of truth in their being. It’s shameful, I know. But it seems we are only interesting to a man when we are running. Therefore, keep running. Or we are interesting when we are with someone else or doing something else. Therefore, stay unavailable. If a man bolts, it’s a good thing. The faster they bolt, the less time you waste on them. I say do what you can to let them know you want them to bolt and they’ll probably do the opposite. They are not “complex creatures” they are just creatures in the simplest form of the term. You can’t win playing their game, but you sure can have fun playing it. That right there is the sweetest form of revenge, making them feel like the bitches they really are deep down inside.

  5. January 7, 2013 at 12:54 pm

    Wow, this article is nice, my sister is analyzing these kinds
    of things, so I am going to convey her.

  6. April 12, 2013 at 11:17 am

    If repeated, subsequent outreaches will feature themes unique to your book.
    Give it Your Heart: Last but not the least, give
    photography your heart and mind. It was thrilling
    and then in a surprising moment, I released a flood of liquid fire
    and with it a ton of emotional baggage, and I just melted into his arms.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


This is Meeeeeeeeeeeee!

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 18 other followers

Calendar

July 2010
S M T W T F S
    Aug »
 123
45678910
11121314151617
18192021222324
25262728293031

Top Clicks

  • None

%d bloggers like this: