My biggest dating mistakes

I won’t pretend this is an original idea for a blog, especially since I stole it from here… http://www.sex-lies-dating.com. But I think the list is a good idea, maybe, just maybe, I’ll learn something from it and stop making these same damn mistakes again!

1. Potential– we’ve all done it. “he has so much potential”. Potential is the biggest load of crap reason to date someone or justify attraction. If you want to bang someone, just do it, don’t give him relationship potential and get all attached. If he doesn’t have it NOW, or isn’t working actively towards it in the very near future (not says he is, but really is), it will NEVER happen. Give up the dream. Potential doesn’t exist.

2. Sex– Having sex too soon when I want a commitment or long term relationship. Or acting like I am cool with what ever he wants to do, we don’t have to be exclusive. I’m not ok with casual sex for myself. I know I can’t sleep with someone for at least a month if I expect him to stick around for more than 3 fucks. But I do make this mistake over and over because I’m a slave/bitch to my hormones, and well, you know what they say about women in their 30’s? Well it’s not true, it’s worse than what they say and worse than you can imagine unless you are in my age group.

3. Words– not saying things to their face. Emails and texts are not the way to express your feelings to a man. Honestly, it’s easier, but I think that means I am not facing myself and my true feelings if I can’t face him. BAD.IDEA. I think in the future, if I’m wanting to say it in email or text, I’ll know it’s not real, it’s real when I can say it to his face and not puke. That’s love!

4. Fix you — I can NOT fix someone. I can’t help them get a job. I can’t change their personality. I can’t repair the heartbreak that makes them untrusting or have a vendetta against the opposite sex. I can’t change how they view women.

5. Not loving myself enough– big mistake. Comparing myself to their ex’s, other people they are dating, younger, skinnier, straighter teeth, smoother skin, tanner, smarter, and sexier women. There is NOTHING wrong with me, I’m beautiful, smart, sexy, caring, nurturing, adventurous, fun and more! Why wouldn’t someone want me?

6. Desperation — This is the biggest one. No, I’m not desperate to have a man in my life. People kept saying “don’t act desperate, it will scare a man away” and I kept thinking, “but I’m not desperate to have a man in my life, I’m happy alone, it’s easier that way”. Well folks, there are 2 kinds of desperation out there, I wasn’t aware of this until last night. Desperate to have a man, and desperate to not get hurt. I’m the latter. At 22 when my heart was broken, shattered and stomped on by the only man I ever truly loved in my life, I vowed to never let that happen again. I built walls to keep men out, tests to see if they would do the same as my ex, learned mind games to keep them just far enough away they couldn’t hurt me, really hurt me, the way he did. I got so good at it, I didn’t know I was doing it, I forgot. It’s been 13 years of doing this, self protection, and it’s funny that it’s such a self fulfilled prophecy. As soon as I liked someone, I was so desperate to not get hurt, I became a doormat so they wouldn’t leave, then played games subconsciously so they would before I liked them and fell in love. That folks is deep, and very fucked up. One of my very best friends in the world, heirloomgardengirl, always says I was too tough on men, put up too many walls. She was right, I was in denial, and denial my friends is the most powerful coping mechanism there is! No one but yourself can break it down.

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August 2010
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