02
Aug
10

red flags?


So this guy “S”, lets call him, got my number before I deleted my okcupid account. We talked a little, then I replied to one of his texts and never heard from him again. Until last night when he called. He’s playing the “I texted you twice” card, then the “I guess my phone sucks”. I have NEVER really heard of someone not getting texts. I mean, I’ve yet to see his phone, maybe if it’s ancient, there could be an issue, but more than likely, he’s lying. That is the first red flag I’ve seen. To me it’s a huge one though. My neighbor Deere did that to my friend Vol when he was dating her. But his roommate told me he gets them all right away, he just tells her he didn’t because he doesn’t want to talk to her. He thinks she likes him too much. Ugh… men, mind games are BAD. So when S played that card with me, I said “I’ve never heard of anything like that happening, I’ve gotten texts all day, there is nothing wrong with my phone, and the most ancient phones can still send a text”. I’m NOT letting anyone get away with that game, he knows I think he’s lying.

Second red flag… he starts talking about the women who have online profiles. The fake ones first, he says he messaged one and she was rude to him, so the told her off for being a fake profile. Then he says how the girls that say “I want a nice guy” drive him crazy because they don’t know what they want and when presented with a nice guy they treat him like shit and hurt him. So he just messages them and tells them off to destroy them. I am feeling that he doesn’t deal well with rejection. Clearly he’s been hurt, and I know men love revenge, they need that rebound girl, they need to feel like they taught someone a lesson for hurting them. The question is, just how bad off is this guy? Is he out to crush someone? He doesn’t talk bad about all women, he has a female roommate, who strangely enough is from the same place as me, grew up on the same roads, all that, but is 15 years younger than me and moved here with her boyfriend. We chatted while he was in the bathroom last night, she’s a sweet young girl, she was fascinated that we went to the same Jr. High, but I was there before she was born.

He says he’ll call tonight, if he does, I need to find out some important issues, to see how he will treat me. His parents, are they together still, how does his father treat his mom, what’s his relationship with his mom? This is the biggest indicator of how he will be in a relationship. Not that it’s the tell all, people can actively choose to not be like their parents when they come from a less than ideal situation. But it’s rare. There is a lot to consider and when you ask questions and quietly sit back and let someone’s mouth fly, you learn a lot about them, especially when they are nervous. I’m going to play the therapist role and get him talking, and do some “active listening” next time we talk. I want to see just what motivates this guy, what he’s looking for, not what he says he’s looking for, but what he REALLY is doing online. I also want to know how burned he is by women.

What sucks is that I have to screen so carefully, that there are so many messed up people out there, I don’t want to be like this, I really don’t. But I’m tired of the same old crap, different day, in my life. I’m done settling for less, I deserve the best because I give the best. A lot of men say I ask too much, I just ask them, if I have all these wonderful qualities, why shouldn’t I expect a man to as well? Why don’t these men want to step up and be the best man they can be if I want to be the best woman I can be? At least it’s easy to weed these men out fast!

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