“Let me show you something”

I feel the need to have a “Fire Marshall Bill” moment today. Do you ever feel like you would need to be a total maniac to get people to pay attention to the common sense you are speaking to them? The simple things in life that anyone with common sense would know. Things like right and wrong. Today a woman sent me something to print, 3 pages 8.5×11, standard size sheets of paper. In the email she then tells me to size the stickers 29x4x5…. wait what? No really… what? As I try to explain I’m printing on something two dimensional, therefor it has two dimensions for size of paper, she replies with she’s sorry, she just wants them 4″. Um….. “LET ME SHOW YOU SOMETHING”! TWO, that is 1+1, it doesn’t equal three, it doesn’t equal one, it equals TWO, TWO dimensions are needed. Oh no, she didn’t mean 4″ squared, these are rectangular, all but one. The only square one, she has said she wanted 3″x18″x1.5″ ???? It’s SQUARE!

“Let me show you something” I say in a calm voice at first, when explaining the seemingly simple to a complete moron. I’m not just speaking of work now. This seems to apply in every aspect of my life. Be it friends, family (especially family), neighbors, men who want to date me, the mail man, my insurance company, the state treasurer, or just the lawn boy. I try to calmly explain things that should have been learned in 2nd grade and are common sense, at least to anyone with any clue what year it is. When they cock their head to one side and say “okay, I get it ____” and then spurt out the exact opposite of what I have just explained so a 5 year old could understand I say again “LET ME SHOW YOU SOMETHING!” I may even begin to twitch, shake, and look a little crazy, because frankly, I am a little frustrated with why I’m expected to fill in the blanks of a form for someone who somehow managed to drive themselves to where ever I am. This person somehow passed a drivers test in a state that requires you to know what a sign is for, with no words or symbols on it, just by the shape and color of the sign background… Even I have trouble with this task since when do signs have no words or symbols? Why would they? And why would I need to know this? I figure this part of the test was designed by someone that I need to show something to. Amiright?

I now fully believe 90% of the population of this planet shouldn’t be allowed to operate motor vehicles. I also believe that 90% of the men with online dating profiles are bigger morons that I ever could have believed. I realize Okcupid was once a “dating” site, however it now has options to just make friends, and rather than delete my profile when I’m no longer looking for anything but friends, I change what I want on there. Frankly I have come to find that most of the men are of the opinion that if a woman is on there “looking” she must be somewhat desperate, and therefor will accept less than courteous behavior on their part. Esme blogged about requests for nude pictures from men, a common request, I blogged about the “SCREW YOU” message, also common. I think Fire Marshall Bill should give each and every one of them a nitro enema and “show you something”. Seriously, of all the women I know on these sites, wonderful, intelligent, deserving, beautiful, there seems to be no equivalent for them in a man.


3 Responses to ““Let me show you something””

  1. September 22, 2010 at 4:18 pm

    Oh I got a grand guffaw from this post! Sorry the Moron Patrol seems to be stalking you. With moi, it’s more likely to be Murphy…

  2. September 22, 2010 at 8:09 pm

    Loved this, and can’t agree more: “Seriously, of all the women I know on these sites, wonderful, intelligent, deserving, beautiful, there seems to be no equivalent for them in a man.”

    • September 22, 2010 at 8:50 pm

      I really don’t get it, I guess the men on these sites take advantage of the women that they feel “need” them, or something. I’ve met a few guys that are honest with me and admit it’s a meat market, they are looking to get laid and not much more, and that most of the guys on there feel the same. If they want to meet someone, to be a partner in life, they won’t do it online. Sad… But, it’s why I won’t ever consider using it as a dating medium. I’ve kind of accepted that if I’m meant to walk this earth alone, I’ll do just fine, alone. I’m okay taking off on my sailboat for my own adventures. If the right person finds me, when I’m ready, so be it, if not, it wasn’t my destiny.

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