Archive for October, 2010


Poetry Slams

I think we have the same mom, except mine would just say “when you get a good job you should get that fixed” then she’d go get her own surgery.

one of my all time fav. slams.

Another one that is great, she’s really awesome



I get the best spam email because of this blog

You really got the guts to break up with me over email,bitch??!?!

Tell you what! I just made a nice compilation of your/our best scenes and put it up for download on (Insert spam link to porn site)
Oh and btw: This email just went out to your parents. I bet they didn’t know you’re into dirty stuff like this.

Your ex bf

Yup, I got that this morning, along with about 57823457 other wordpress bloggers I’m sure, the email list was LONG! I of course didn’t click the link, I have no need to see some porn that will infect my computer for years to come. I just think how odd it is that someone went through blog after blog collecting emails to send this weird bit of spam to! Def. the funniest spam I’ve ever gotten by far! Never seen anything remotely close to this in my inbox. Usually it’s the typical nigerian money scams, or normal spam that attempts to get me to shop on their site, but this was  a first… ah… blogging, what fun.


Technology hates me


It's good to read I'm not the only one this phone hates, it has serious issues and will undergo water therapy in the lake this weekend!

Last night my phone crapped out. It’s always had issues, I mean, the fact that after every 44th text message sent you have to turn it off and back on again has always been a pain in the ass, and an issue Samsung has known about since it’s been on the market. But apparently they now also know that the touch screen dies leaving the users files lost and gone forever. There is no fix for it, you can’t recalibrate, the whole screen is off an inch! So the little dial, contacts, and messaging buttons are of no use to you since they are so low on the screen. I couldn’t get into my menu to do anything. I finally gave up and so did the att rep. Goodbye Samsung! Hello LG!

New LG Encore

So this is what I got. It’s smaller, touch screen (which takes some getting use to). ATT has decided that the data I use for my unlimited data plan currently isn’t the same data as an android or iphone uses, so I have to pay more $15 more a month and have limited data if I want to switch to one of those phones? Uh, how about no, how about I buy a jail broken one, put my sim card in it, and just use the frickin unlimited data? Jerks. Same data! Same exact data, they just don’t want to allow me to have one of those phones on unlimited data because I’ll use a hell of a lot more! So pisses me off really bad! But for now, I have this little thing, if it can last a year, I’ll get an android and just pop my sim card in it and they can kiss my ass.


Speaking of how much technology hates me, I’ve had to refresh this page and every web page 3 times in the last 10 minutes. I’m thinking I may want to just turn everything off for the rest of the day and open a book! Why do I seem to have “bad technology” days? Really? Is it possible to just have days where every electronic someone owns to go haywire on them? Cause it happens to me A LOT! I’m waiting for the next item to break. GPS? Car? Computer is new, it better not, oh… I know! my Router! ha! I beat that game, I have a back up router! IN YOUR FACE TECHNOLOGY! okay, maybe I shouldda whispered that, and then knocked on some wood, or er, something. That was just bad karma wasn’t it? Crap, my car is next isn’t it? Yup, it’s the weekend, so whatever breaks will be something I have to wait to fix till Monday. FML.




It just seems appropriate this time of year. Fall makes me feel so savage. I think I’ll go run into the woods and howl with the coyotes.


My favorite time of year

This is my actual back door

It’s surely no surprise to anyone that this is my favorite time of year for a reason? I’ve had a vampire costume of some sorts for the last 15 years and this year is no different. I suppose vampires have become less frightening and more mainstream since the release of twilight, but I assure you, I am no glittering fangless daywalking vampire. This year, I am The Vampire Queen of Louisiana Sophie-Anne. I will post a picture of my costume once it’s on, it’s amazing, it’s totally her style. I found the neatest unadvertised vintage store over the weekend, I will be going back for some other great finds soon. I am going to a huge bar crawl the Sat. before Halloween, which is where I’ll wear this costume. The night of Halloween I have different goals however.

I love scaring kids

The night of the holiday, I will be dressing up as the blood thirsty, just dug my way out of the ground, vampire. I will be hiding in the shadows as all the props and silly Halloween stuff will distract them the other way and after they get their candy and turn around, I’ll be standing there, smiling a fangy smile and saying nothing. I love terrorizing children. Don’t get your panties in a bunch, I strictly go for the older kids, little ones, I just stay hidden unless I know them, and then they run over and hug me anyway since they know my plan and totally ruin my fun. Little ones aren’t usually scared anyway since they haven’t had the fortune of watching scary movies yet, it’s the 8 and up crowd that know to be scared, especially the teenagers, they are the most fun. We are thinking of having someone on the roof too, someone to drop fake blood splats on the sidewalk just behind them, loud enough they can hear it and turn around to see what it is.

It warms my cold black heart, just thinking about some bratty teenagers that can’t even bother to wear a costume running pissing their pants from me. Of course, one will think he’s smart and come back for me, with eggs, or blood, or something gross. It’s cool, I’m all good with it. Since nothing really grosses me out, this should bother them even more, and I have no problem chasing them down the road without making a sound.

But besides the whole terrorizing people aspect of the season, I really love the fall. I hate being hot all summer, sweating, humid, stickiness. The only way I find it tolerable is if I can lay on a beach where there is enough wind to keep me dry. But even then, I prefer the night. I love that this time of year, I get more night. I like it dark. Darkness is when it gets quiet where I live, the wind picks up, the air is cooler, it’s easier to breathe, it’s just peaceful. I think it’s similar to my love of rain. Which we get more of this time of year, and it’s cold rain, it doesn’t feel gross and sticky outside after. I wish I could live where it was fall all year. Minus the ragweed of course, that stuff just needs to die before I really go on a murderous rampage and light every weed along the side of the road on fire!

If anyone has any ideas of ways to further terrorize the children, please let me know. My friend giving out candy is a dead fairy… I’m a hungry vampire, who killed her, and another friend will hopefully just be dead on the roof dropping things to gross them out. Blood, worms, that kind of thing. But I’m working on other free and or very cheap ways to scare a lot of kids. It’s a huge neighborhood, TONS of kids, so be creative.


Impressive, I know

Yes, I’m bored at work, this is what I do when I’m bored at work.

You think that’s badass?

That’s right!

This is just a travesty, we all know my devotion to BEING the Velociraptor, and now I only last one minute and 16 seconds… they clearly didn’t ask ME the right questions. There is no way this is correct. I’d beat that dino’s ass!


Less now costs more?


I think we actually use to have these same chairs in the kitchenette


I was raised on beef, chicken, pork and everything normal Americans eat. All the fat bad for you recipes never made me obese though until I was much older, well, I was never “obese” in the clinical sense, my BMI was around 28 however at one point and over 25 is considered overweight. I lived on fast food, I was working full time plus going to school full time, I’m so glad that part of my life is over, it’s not good for anyone to cram so much into so little time, and I could have planned things better, gotten a hour less sleep, to prepare proper meals and saved myself a lot of money at the fat Dr. But over the years I’ve found something interesting happening, a new trend that probably makes it harder for people in this country to stay healthy, even with somewhat healthy eating habits.

We now add unhealthy things to perfectly healthy food. Natural foods like fruits and vegetables are covered in pesticides and preservatives, picked before their ripe date and sprayed with chemicals that both ripen and preserve at the same time to provide us with things long out of season from far away. Meat is injected with sodium and other chemicals after slaughter, before slaughter it’s fed antibiotics and hormones to increase growth so the seller can get more money and we can enjoy crazy large portions. At what cost? Somehow, all of these additions cost LESS than buying the product with none. What is truly natural is now a specialty item called “organic” and costs more? Smaller chicken breasts, advertise “No hormones or antibiotics ever”. Guess what… chickens have NEVER been fed hormones, that’s a marketing gimmick to get you to pay more. Go buy organic free range grass fed ground beef and make a burger, I dare you. If you were born before the 1980’s and remember what meat tasted like before hormones, antibiotics, and preservatives, you will have a beefy flashback of flavor. It’s amazing how good it tastes. Not only that, if you buy ground beef from Walmart vs. a grocer who grinds their own fresh daily, note the subtle differences there as well. Walmart adds chemicals to the outer surface of the beef to keep it pink, yummy isn’t it?


This is NOT cute! This is sad and unacceptable!

Why can I make a hamburger at home with 80/20 beef and it has 15 grams of fat and 230 calories. Add bun and cheese and condiments as I do, you get up to 20 grams of fat and 500 calories for a good sized hamburger. Lets face it, a good hamburger has to use 80/20 beef, you can save that 93/7 crap for tacos, spaghetti, and other ground beef dishes, burgers are best greasy. Go to Hardee’s and get 57 grams of fat and 850 calories! For a burger! How do you manage that exactly? I see this across the board at resturants since when friends ask me to eat out I look at the menu online to see what they have that I can eat instead of rubbing it directly on my thighs. I’m always astonished at the foods that should be the most healthy, low calorie, nutritious choices are higher than the greasy burger. How do you make angel hair pasta with diced tomatoes, chicken, and a little parmesean 1172 calories and 29 grams of fat???? Oh, that’s right, you toss the pasta in BUTTER! Why on earth would anyone do this? It’s not necessary at all, it would taste just as wonderful, if not better minus the butter! In fact, the butter and fat content of this meal upsets my stomach. There is little in the TGIFridays menu I can eat, the two “healthy” options they have are so disgusting they are not edible. I usually end up munching a few chips and salsa and sticking with booze, at least they can’t add butter to that right?


Can you believe you put this in your body? Credit to the full article if you clicky.


We have infected our food supply with so many artificial preservatives and chemicals it’s amazing there aren’t more complaints of illness. Then there is the latest and greatest about how McD’s doesn’t decompose like other foods, real foods… gross. How can McDonalds claim “McDonald’s hamburger patties in the United States are made with 100% USDA-inspected ground beef,” Riley wrote. “Our hamburgers are cooked and prepared with salt, pepper and nothing else — no preservatives, no fillers…” Really, how do you explain the unique flavor that ONLY McDonalds hamburgers have? NO seasonings? Come on now, do you really expect the public to believe that? Surely someone out there has taken a burger from there to be analyzed in a lab before right? I’d love to get my hands on those results! Rumors when I was in college were that it was made from vaginal meat of the cow which is why it has such a different texture. That wasn’t quite enough to gross me out to tell the truth, meat is meat when it’s cooked. But when it’s not meat, and it doesn’t rot like any organic substance, cooked or uncooked, well… that is a different story entirely.


Is anyone surprised by these numbers? I love the Swedish... oh wait, I'm swedish, I guess I love myself.


I don’t understand how we add chemicals that cost MORE money, yet the raw ingredients, minus chemicals to make your own version cost more? A normal tomato right now costs about $2.00 a lb. depending where you buy it, while an organic tomato is around $3.50 a lb, and it has NO pesticides. So it’s minus a costly chemical… and costs more, because….??? is anyone seeing how crazy this is? How ridiculous fad based we are as a society? I’ve been saying for months we should be more like the Swedish, what can I say, I love my people, I think they have gotten so much right over the last few centuries. It’s a good society that has figured out the best things in life. Sorry, tangent… So anyway, Organic foods are the “premium” food now, not the norm. Wait what? Food, in it’s natural state is premium, aka. above average? How did that happen folks? Food with stuff that is bad for us to put in our bodies is normal and considered average? I think it’s time we changed this! I think it’s time we demand our government stop allowing this crap and take better care of it’s people before it has no one left to tax!

This is Meeeeeeeeeeeee!

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October 2010
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