Archive for November, 2010

27
Nov
10

what’s new with me?


I’m glad you asked! I realize I haven’t posted much lately, and it’s mostly because I haven’t much to say these days. But I do have some happy news. I have an amazing new job! I am officially an ICU nurse. I knew I got it after the interview, it was just a matter of waiting for the official offer from human resources. Which unexpectedly came as three offers! I had interviewed two weeks prior for another easier position but wasn’t sure if I got it, apparently I did, and had to choose. The ICU position was an interview for two different critical care positions, neuro and regular. I made the decision of regular for now, maybe transfer to neuro after a year or two. The pay is great, especially being a night shift, and the benefits can’t be beat. I love the hospital and staff that I’ve met thus far, so I’m sure going to work every night will be an educational experience. On the down side, back to school I go! I have to get two special certifications in the next six months. CCRN and ACLS. But it’s for the best, it’s great to have both on my resume and change my title to CCRN from RN. This is the job every recent graduate dreams of, it opens doors to my future that help me live the life I want to live. So, that is that. I start December 13th.

Other than that, nothing new is going on. Friends are friends, no new boys and I’d rather there not be at this time with so much new work related stuff going on. I’ve been reading, a lot. I’ve finished the Sookie books, the Wolves of Mercy Falls series, watched a ton of movies, worked, baked lots of bread, and hung out with friends. I suppose I should write about the bonfire night and the revelation I had. Maybe later. I have cinnamon rolls ready to go in the oven and have to get to the store to buy ingredients for the frosting! Hope you all had a hearty Thanksgiving and lots to be thankful for.

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10
Nov
10

I’m ready to sling a little mud


Dear Jerkfaces Mr. President and his constituents,

I currently live at the poverty line, I have lived on this line since graduating with a bachelors degree in 1997, and being unable to find a job that pays a single woman enough without selling my soul to the devil. But I’m a honest person, see, I pay my taxes, don’t play the system, I pay my bills, and I do everything myself, I earn it, the American way! I have busted my butt working full time, going to school full time to get yet another degree for the last 4 years and after months of searching for that first break into what is supposed to be the most lucrative career I finally got a break. I calculated my salary, figured out the rough percentage of taxes I pay now and applied that to my new pay check amount and did a happy dance. I thought “FINALLY I can drive a car that doesn’t have paint peeling off it, that doesn’t screech after every red light, that doesn’t rattle, that has all 4 windows able to roll down! I won’t have to choose what bills to pay in order to feed myself! I can afford to get medication for my aging pet cat who’s beginning to suffer of pain! Finally MY time has come! $17,000 more a year! I can breathe again.”

But then I found out something horrible Mr. President, the man I voted for, those tax increases you gave to the “wealthy”, aren’t just for the wealthy, they are all over the middle class I had hoped to become. That increase puts me in a nice new tax bracket where you will now take more than THREE time as much in taxes as I currently pay when my pay isn’t even close to double. Do you see where this leaves me? It leaves me working my fingers to the bone, at a job that should give me some pride, a sense of helping others, but yet will still leave me flat broke! I did all this for almost NOTHING! So what, now I can have a car payment, buy healthy food instead of the junk that is cheaper, afford some pain medicine for my cat, but I can’t buy a new home out of the bad neighborhood, I can’t move closer to my new job, I can’t fully breathe. I wonder, will I ever? I mean, after my first 2 years of training, where I’ll become a specialist in my medical field I’ll get a nice raise in pay again, but will you just increase my taxes again making that raise insignificant as well?

See, here’s the thing. I finally understand why people play the system, you can’t get ahead in this country unless you get extremely wealthy to the point no amount of taxes can hurt, or you play the system. I see now why the mother of 5 on welfare and food stamps can afford an iphone and a coach purse and I still carry a messaging phone and a purse from Aldo. I get it now, all this busting my ass to live an honest life is going to her! She works a minimum wage job at most, and gets free handouts for everything she needs to live, so her work money turns into fun money! My extra $700 a month I’ll pay in taxes is going to pay her rent, food, and medical bills.  I think I’ll give up my honorable career in nursing and go be a bar maid! Why am I being punished for being smart and honest? I don’t have kids because I can’t afford them! I’ll never be able to afford them! Not unless I decide to be a worthless drain on the system! So single women working hard, doing the right thing, are punished yet again in this country. I’m not using more government services because I am making more money, I will still use the exact same amount, and yet I have to pay more in? Where is my reward for busting my hump for years? Where is my tax break? I want my free housing, car, food, medical! And with your little healhcare plan, don’t get me started. If I’m too poor to afford insurance, how do you think it helps me to fine me? Where am I going to come up with that money? What kind of sick twisted bastard undead human are you Mr. President?

I challenge you to come live my life for a week, live on my salary, drive my shitty car that makes heads turn when the light turns green waiting for it to backfire, put yourself in my shoes and see how you like it! See if you still want to raise taxes to help the asshole nice immigrant who’s still working on his fake ID visa,  who stole 2 car stereos from our parking lot last week with more free stuff and tax breaks, not that he pays taxes. No, I get it, I understand poverty and why people choose to stay in it now. Spend a week in my shoes and you will too.

Oh, let me make another point while I’m in berating our president that I voted for. When the choice is the lesser of two evils, I made my choice. I won’t have some right wing, nut job, tea party, wolf shooting, psychopath telling me what I can do with my body as a woman, ever. I won’t have someone force religion on me in any setting, Religion is personal and the other party sought to make it public, forced, and then do horrible things in it’s name. I also can’t stand by someone who thinks it’s okay to shoot animals from an airplane in her state. It is NEVER okay. If there is a problem, it can be take care of in a humane way. It’s a matter of right and wrong. Not left and right. Its about what this country was founded upon, what our forefathers stood for, and none of this, not the democrats or the republicans are holding up that standard at the moment. You all disgust me, disappoint me, and leave me wishing there was some sense of pride left in saying I’m an American.

Sincerely, my libertarian loving ass,

Vendetta

p.s. I think my name has taken on new meaning tonight.

 

08
Nov
10

Sorry I’ve not been writing


I really have no new rant to go on that I haven’t been on a thousand times before. I have no new dates, I’m sitting on the bench and intend to stay there until… well I’m not sure, but I’m happy on the bench visiting the concession stand to get beer and hotdogs. Okay, skip the hotdogs, can’t have two servings of empty calories can we? Gotta pick my poison. But, nothing new is happening in my social life, absolutely nothing.

On the career front I have a job interview tomorrow for a job that I’d really like, but fear may be too much of a challenge for me and quite frankly, it holds a lot of responsibility. As in lives are literally in my hands, and as a new nurse, that’s quite frightening. I figured I’d get a general nursing job, people are sick, but not hooked up to a million tubes and on ventilators. But that is just what this job is for, and that makes me a tad nervous. No, I wouldn’t be alone for six whole months, I’d work side by side with someone that I hopefully liked and that wanted to train me. But it still makes me very nervous to have such fragile lives in my hands despite my education and the months of training I’ve had and will have. Will I know what to do when someone calls a code? I know it will happen, it will happen a lot. How will I react? Will I panic or fly into action with all my training? How will I handle it when someone doesn’t make it? I’m not sure what scares me more, the fact that this country is so litigious or the feeling I could have done more, despite doing everything I could. I’ve always been really bad about being wracked with guilt over what I could have done in various situations.

I’ve been reading a lot lately, since I have no social life to speak of. It’s getting cold here, so most of my usual outdoor activities are being put off. CO is sick, and when he’s not, he is so busy with his social life, we rarely get together to do anything. Crazy #1 is still around, and we hang out some, but she’s content to stay home alone on a Saturday night as much as I am. So I read. I’ve read The Hunger Games Series, really good and dark for a young adult categorized book! I expected more Twilight like reading, safe and happy, but this was dark and disturbing! I like it! I’m also almost done with the Southern Vampire Series, you know the Sookie books that True Blood is loosely based on. I’m glad there are more to come, but I don’t like waiting a year between books! I’ve ordered a few other books, should have them this week. One I read 17 years ago and remember liking it a lot, but can’t find it so I’m sure someone borrowed it and didn’t give it back. Skank.

So that’s about it for me. I’m hopped up on diet pills tonight, I haven’t had a full dose in a month, and after the drs visit today I was given a prescription again. I sure hope I can sleep tonight. If not, I’ll bug CO, he’ll appreciate that being sick and sleepy and all.

02
Nov
10

fighting a losing battle


I’m sure you think this is some deep post about men, relationships, or more whining how much I hate my parents, but you would be wrong. This post is about bread. I can’t make it. I keep trying and the yeast hates me.  Tonight attempt is to make Sausage and Cheese Kolaches. It’s a Texas thing, so yes, I guess that gives away where I’m from. Dammit. It’s a big state, I don’t think you will figure out who I am just by the fact I’m from there, well raised, not born.

So back to my problem with yeast breads. Okay, any bread. I can’t even make a tortilla! The thing is, I’m a GREAT cook! I can grill the best chicken you have ever had, it doesn’t even get dry! I can make anything for dinner! But I can’t master bread! I gave up on my recent tortilla mission, which should the kolche’s be a success will resume soon, for bread making. So far I have managed to make several bricks. My dough just doesn’t rise much, and then the bread (tortilla’s included) are horribly heavy, so bad you just can’t eat more than a bite. I follow the recipe exactly! But none the less… I’m a failure at bread.

So here I am hoping that I can make a kolache, because frankly I’d sell my soul for one Shipley’s sausage and cheese kolache at the moment. Yes, this is a kolache, from shipleys donuts in Texas. You just.don’t.know.

What I want to know is why don’t other states make them? Why is the deliciousness of the kolache limited to just the state of Texas? It just isn’t fair. Although it’s probably best for my diet, I still would kill, sell my soul, for one perfect sausage and cheese kolache…

So… here goes nothing, I’ve worked for 2 hours on this dough… they are going in the oven now and in 15 minutes, I will either have sausages with bricks around them, or heavenly bliss…

01
Nov
10

Sheep


Them

I went to a bar crawl Saturday night for Halloween. I am so disappointed in the city and people for their lack of Halloween spirit. Yes, people dressed up, but they were all the same… girls in short slutty costumes that weren’t even scary or halloween themed, and guys all either trying to be funny or macho, again, no scary. It was like watching a flock of sheep herded from one pasture to another. I only saw one other vampire, and she really was less than creative with it, only wore fangs with no other costume. Okay, no costume would have fit her rather gigantic size, but still, be more creative.

scared of an std maybe?

The winner of the contest was some guy dressed up as “1000 dildos”, yes, he had like 1000 dildos all over his body. LeSigh. I live near the most soulless, hypocritical, pretentious, city I’ve ever been to. Since when is Halloween about dressing up as slutty as possible to attract male attention? Really? I want to know when it lost it’s fright and became a sex fest? Or is just this city? Cause quite honestly, for the bible belt, the women sure do have a lot of fake boobs and bleached out hair they like to flaunt in VERY skimpy clothing while drunk and kissing another woman! The only thing scary about these women is what disease you

are you kidding?

may catch from messing with them! If only I’m kidding. As we left, I saw one group of people, dressed in real Halloween costumes. Out of the 5000+ that I saw all night. I’m sure there were a few more, but mostly, this is what I saw.

Me?

Maybe it’s me that needs to loosen up? Maybe I need to be more comfortable morally degrading myself for the attention of men, and in some of their cases women. Am I that much of a black sheep? I just feel like they are soulless, mindless, heartless, zombies or something down there. All made from the same cookie cutter and don’t have a mind of their own. They worship the disgusting slutty reality stars and celebrities that are out of control and think they are role models.

It’s not just Halloween that has me down, it’s a lot of things. Remember C1 and C2? I was with C1 Saturday night, she got a call from C2 saying she left something personal under the mattress in the guest room when she moved out in such a hurry. Of course C1 and I can’t wait to get home and find the dildo and lesbian porn that she is so embarrassed to have and make fun of her… not that we knew what it was right? But at least we laughed all night. When we finally did get back to the house to have a look under the mattress, we were right about only one thing. The dildo. The rest was quite a shocker. There was pot, a pipe, a spoon, a wire mesh thing, a baggie with white residue in it, and some sort of crack pipe/rock smoking pipe (I’m guessing, I’ve only seen them not handled one) that we didn’t take out of it’s bag to examine closer. C1 was furious that drugs were brought into her house, I wouldn’t have gone to the extremes to be rid of it that she did, but whatever. She smashed it all with a hammer, and threw it in a dumpster not near her house. But it does explain why C2 was so insane!

Sunday night we scared trick or treaters at her house. I dressed in  a black cloak with vampire makeup and hid in a tree. People thought I was a statue/prop, until I moved, and in some cases chased them down the street for throwing things at me. One kid about 14 got violent, but he was vandalizing my friends yard, kicking over a tombstone prop, when he saw me, he began swinging a large pillow case full of candy at me. I took him by the arm and marched him to the cop living next door, and then to his father who didn’t have a word with him until I got mad enough take the kid by the arm. I guess had I been a statue, his kid destroying property was ok, but since i was a human, he said something. Mostly it was pretty funny though, several parents saw me and set their kids up, some took pictures of me, some couldn’t decide if I was a real person or not. I was amused until the kid that tried to beat my head in with the sack of candy.

On yet another front of the weekend, my neighbor/hairdresser has been telling me I need to meet her fiance’s brother, that we would really hit it off. Friday night when I got off work, he was there on the back deck and we all started talking. We did hit it off in some ways, I could see being friends with him, but I just don’t care to date anyone. And should someone want to date me, they would have to really put forth a lot of effort with me, and be sure they are the right kind of guy for me because anyone who doesn’t think they can live up to my standards, well, don’t bother, I’ll just dump them anyway. Also, physically, he was a little “big” for me, dressed sloppy, and suspect he would feel quite comfortable with the sheep at the bar crawl on Saturday. Not that he went, he was going sailing at the beach. Which in at least one way makes him cool enough to be my friend, for now at least.

 

Which brings me back to the why don’t I want a boyfriend thing… I wish there was a man out there that met all the things I want in a man. What are those things you ask? Well first, he’s upfront about his intentions with me and understands my scrutiny in not just taking his word that he’s honorable. Did I mention he has to be honorable? I like the idea of old fashioned romance, I want to be courted, respected, by a man, not a manboy who can’t make up his mind or is too scared to go after what he wants in all aspects of his life. Not some moron who tells me how he feels via. text message or email. A big part is also intelligence, not necessarily book smart, but someone who is capable of knowing and doing good. Someone capable of reasoning and figuring out difficult situations. My list of apparently unrealistic wants goes on… but I won’t because quite frankly I don’t want to hear the onslaught of men telling me to lower my standards. I’d rather be alone.

I really feel like after the busy weekend I need to just retreat somewhere quiet and alone for a while. I just can’t deal with social things right now. I can’t deal with the sheep.




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