Sorry I’ve not been writing

I really have no new rant to go on that I haven’t been on a thousand times before. I have no new dates, I’m sitting on the bench and intend to stay there until… well I’m not sure, but I’m happy on the bench visiting the concession stand to get beer and hotdogs. Okay, skip the hotdogs, can’t have two servings of empty calories can we? Gotta pick my poison. But, nothing new is happening in my social life, absolutely nothing.

On the career front I have a job interview tomorrow for a job that I’d really like, but fear may be too much of a challenge for me and quite frankly, it holds a lot of responsibility. As in lives are literally in my hands, and as a new nurse, that’s quite frightening. I figured I’d get a general nursing job, people are sick, but not hooked up to a million tubes and on ventilators. But that is just what this job is for, and that makes me a tad nervous. No, I wouldn’t be alone for six whole months, I’d work side by side with someone that I hopefully liked and that wanted to train me. But it still makes me very nervous to have such fragile lives in my hands despite my education and the months of training I’ve had and will have. Will I know what to do when someone calls a code? I know it will happen, it will happen a lot. How will I react? Will I panic or fly into action with all my training? How will I handle it when someone doesn’t make it? I’m not sure what scares me more, the fact that this country is so litigious or the feeling I could have done more, despite doing everything I could. I’ve always been really bad about being wracked with guilt over what I could have done in various situations.

I’ve been reading a lot lately, since I have no social life to speak of. It’s getting cold here, so most of my usual outdoor activities are being put off. CO is sick, and when he’s not, he is so busy with his social life, we rarely get together to do anything. Crazy #1 is still around, and we hang out some, but she’s content to stay home alone on a Saturday night as much as I am. So I read. I’ve read The Hunger Games Series, really good and dark for a young adult categorized book! I expected more Twilight like reading, safe and happy, but this was dark and disturbing! I like it! I’m also almost done with the Southern Vampire Series, you know the Sookie books that True Blood is loosely based on. I’m glad there are more to come, but I don’t like waiting a year between books! I’ve ordered a few other books, should have them this week. One I read 17 years ago and remember liking it a lot, but can’t find it so I’m sure someone borrowed it and didn’t give it back. Skank.

So that’s about it for me. I’m hopped up on diet pills tonight, I haven’t had a full dose in a month, and after the drs visit today I was given a prescription again. I sure hope I can sleep tonight. If not, I’ll bug CO, he’ll appreciate that being sick and sleepy and all.


3 Responses to “Sorry I’ve not been writing”

  1. November 8, 2010 at 9:43 pm

    Get this job thing figured out…then get back in the game. My reading has fallen off the cliff because…well…responsibility kind of sucks sometimes.

    I guess that I would advise someone to avoid responsibility…but that kind of sucks too.

    Maybe this is why we medicate ourselves, huh?

  2. 2 Esme
    November 9, 2010 at 11:16 pm

    I am a medic, and it does take some time before the deaths don’t bother you anymore…and you also you will be amazed how often you fly on autopilot. One of the best things I did was have a standing therapy appointment once every two or three weeks to talk about my job and the thing I had to see or do. It helps a lot!

  3. November 11, 2010 at 4:04 pm

    Don’t feel bad I have a problem finding a job as well, the last two years been living with folks and its ok. Just try more and do as much as you can, thats all you can really ask of yourself. Eventually you will get somewhere be positive (coming from me that means a lot I am a very neg person), but yes be very positive and just try.

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