Archive for the 'lies' Category

13
Oct
10

Less now costs more?


 

I think we actually use to have these same chairs in the kitchenette

 

I was raised on beef, chicken, pork and everything normal Americans eat. All the fat bad for you recipes never made me obese though until I was much older, well, I was never “obese” in the clinical sense, my BMI was around 28 however at one point and over 25 is considered overweight. I lived on fast food, I was working full time plus going to school full time, I’m so glad that part of my life is over, it’s not good for anyone to cram so much into so little time, and I could have planned things better, gotten a hour less sleep, to prepare proper meals and saved myself a lot of money at the fat Dr. But over the years I’ve found something interesting happening, a new trend that probably makes it harder for people in this country to stay healthy, even with somewhat healthy eating habits.

We now add unhealthy things to perfectly healthy food. Natural foods like fruits and vegetables are covered in pesticides and preservatives, picked before their ripe date and sprayed with chemicals that both ripen and preserve at the same time to provide us with things long out of season from far away. Meat is injected with sodium and other chemicals after slaughter, before slaughter it’s fed antibiotics and hormones to increase growth so the seller can get more money and we can enjoy crazy large portions. At what cost? Somehow, all of these additions cost LESS than buying the product with none. What is truly natural is now a specialty item called “organic” and costs more? Smaller chicken breasts, advertise “No hormones or antibiotics ever”. Guess what… chickens have NEVER been fed hormones, that’s a marketing gimmick to get you to pay more. Go buy organic free range grass fed ground beef and make a burger, I dare you. If you were born before the 1980’s and remember what meat tasted like before hormones, antibiotics, and preservatives, you will have a beefy flashback of flavor. It’s amazing how good it tastes. Not only that, if you buy ground beef from Walmart vs. a grocer who grinds their own fresh daily, note the subtle differences there as well. Walmart adds chemicals to the outer surface of the beef to keep it pink, yummy isn’t it?

 

This is NOT cute! This is sad and unacceptable!

Why can I make a hamburger at home with 80/20 beef and it has 15 grams of fat and 230 calories. Add bun and cheese and condiments as I do, you get up to 20 grams of fat and 500 calories for a good sized hamburger. Lets face it, a good hamburger has to use 80/20 beef, you can save that 93/7 crap for tacos, spaghetti, and other ground beef dishes, burgers are best greasy. Go to Hardee’s and get 57 grams of fat and 850 calories! For a burger! How do you manage that exactly? I see this across the board at resturants since when friends ask me to eat out I look at the menu online to see what they have that I can eat instead of rubbing it directly on my thighs. I’m always astonished at the foods that should be the most healthy, low calorie, nutritious choices are higher than the greasy burger. How do you make angel hair pasta with diced tomatoes, chicken, and a little parmesean 1172 calories and 29 grams of fat???? Oh, that’s right, you toss the pasta in BUTTER! Why on earth would anyone do this? It’s not necessary at all, it would taste just as wonderful, if not better minus the butter! In fact, the butter and fat content of this meal upsets my stomach. There is little in the TGIFridays menu I can eat, the two “healthy” options they have are so disgusting they are not edible. I usually end up munching a few chips and salsa and sticking with booze, at least they can’t add butter to that right?

 

Can you believe you put this in your body? Credit to the full article if you clicky.

 

We have infected our food supply with so many artificial preservatives and chemicals it’s amazing there aren’t more complaints of illness. Then there is the latest and greatest about how McD’s doesn’t decompose like other foods, real foods… gross. How can McDonalds claim “McDonald’s hamburger patties in the United States are made with 100% USDA-inspected ground beef,” Riley wrote. “Our hamburgers are cooked and prepared with salt, pepper and nothing else — no preservatives, no fillers…” Really, how do you explain the unique flavor that ONLY McDonalds hamburgers have? NO seasonings? Come on now, do you really expect the public to believe that? Surely someone out there has taken a burger from there to be analyzed in a lab before right? I’d love to get my hands on those results! Rumors when I was in college were that it was made from vaginal meat of the cow which is why it has such a different texture. That wasn’t quite enough to gross me out to tell the truth, meat is meat when it’s cooked. But when it’s not meat, and it doesn’t rot like any organic substance, cooked or uncooked, well… that is a different story entirely.

 

Is anyone surprised by these numbers? I love the Swedish... oh wait, I'm swedish, I guess I love myself.

 

I don’t understand how we add chemicals that cost MORE money, yet the raw ingredients, minus chemicals to make your own version cost more? A normal tomato right now costs about $2.00 a lb. depending where you buy it, while an organic tomato is around $3.50 a lb, and it has NO pesticides. So it’s minus a costly chemical… and costs more, because….??? is anyone seeing how crazy this is? How ridiculous fad based we are as a society? I’ve been saying for months we should be more like the Swedish, what can I say, I love my people, I think they have gotten so much right over the last few centuries. It’s a good society that has figured out the best things in life. Sorry, tangent… So anyway, Organic foods are the “premium” food now, not the norm. Wait what? Food, in it’s natural state is premium, aka. above average? How did that happen folks? Food with stuff that is bad for us to put in our bodies is normal and considered average? I think it’s time we changed this! I think it’s time we demand our government stop allowing this crap and take better care of it’s people before it has no one left to tax!

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01
Oct
10

I forget


Worst most annoying thing that can happen to a person is when you are trying to remember a song, an artist, an author, you wanted to purchase and at that crucial moment you need to recall such information, you draw a complete blank! Lets just say I’m grateful that Youtube saves your viewing history! Whew…. thank you Youtube because now I can buy this album on itunes and get it on my ipod by the weekend.

28
Sep
10

There baaaack…


Why must my single life feel like a scene from a suspenseful movie? It’s like you went to the movie knowing it’s going to be like this, you hear the music of impending doom, yet you still become startled at the moment of the kill.

They always come back, every stupid guy I date that screws up and pulls whatever crap he pulls, comes back. Like my sister, I suppose I’m cursed as well. First I’ll update on her ex-situation. The one that called her a few weeks ago that is. She called back, to find the number disconnected. A few days later he called again, this time she was at home with her fiance and he got her to call again. So he apologizes like he’s in a twelve step program for what he did to her, her fiance is on speaker phone the whole time, and realizes why the dude is calling isn’t an apology, he wants her back. Long story short, he said “holy crap, they really do all come back!” As if he didn’t believe us. I guess at this point in the story, you want to know which one of my slimy ex’s came back?

I saw it coming, when I signed back up for okcupid for the whole friends thing, he was circling my profile like a shark every few days, I guess hoping I’d see it and jump in the water for him to bite. Boy is he wrong! Screw me once, shame on you, screw me twice, shame on me. Apparently Brown also doesn’t know the saying, once bitten twice shy, either. So a few nights ago, he wrote me on there, I only checked it this morning because I was up before dawn with a dog that had to pee so bad she couldn’t wait, so I was awake, and bored. I should have stuck with watching True Blood, at least those vampires only suck your blood.

You really are a very very nice and sweet women, your very pretty and your alot of fun to be around I just thought you should know that…

This is the drunken message I got, I forgot to look to see what time it was when it was sent on the 26th, but I’m betting it was the wee hours of the morning after a very bad date. I find it funny that he felt the need to tell me things I already know about myself instead of apologize. More games I suppose, not that I didn’t expect it. See unlike my sister, my guys rarely apologize, and they don’t take four years to come back, usually it’s around four to nine weeks. Out of the three men I dated more than casually this year, all three have come back now. Darn, what do I have to look forward to for the rest of the year?

Okay, back to Brown and this stupid message. I haven’t replied, not sure that I will, or what I’d say, I need time to think about it. Since I now have the upper hand again, I intend to keep it, and replying so soon after reading it and feeling my heart accelerate with anger, I could easily blurt out something without thinking and lose hand again, and I’d really like to make him suffer. After all, revenge is a dish best served cold. I’ll think about it today, and as always take all comments into consideration. I know some of the best evil minds reside on this blog, so any advice is greatly appreciated, even if you don’t want to be evil in helping me plot revenge, feel free to speak up. I wonder though, do I care enough to get revenge? Maybe I’ll just get bored enough this week and do it for the sake of something interesting to do. I also noticed in this message the “alot” monster was set loose, which made me giggle and revisit her blog. Have a great day everyone!

16
Aug
10

Broken


That is what I am now. I understand the hole in my chest I’m feeling now. I’ve been knocked down so many times, had my heart broken so many times, it’s now shattered, too many tiny pieces to try to put it back together again, I can’t get back up again. With each piece that was left I tried to get back up, use what was left to make it whole again, like a lizard regrows a tail, until finally, every last part is broken, gone and there is nothing left to regrow. That is the hole. It’s not a specific person or heartbreak, it’s the sum of all of them, even the little disappointments, chipping away, what I thought was mending was only going to take another sliver. I just don’t have the strength to get back up again.

This doesn’t come from recent heartbreak, it’s not from Brown, I never loved him, I barely liked him, he was though, another disappointment, the last little speck of my heart that was left, was spent trying to like him, to regrow the heart I had once upon a time. I expressed my pain to all men in my letter to him, the one I never sent and posted on here. He was however never worthy of my love, not that I had any left to give. I gave my last bit of love, my heart, to Mr. NY, and although I believe he did love me in return, he ruined that piece I gave to him, crushed it with lies and manipulation. I told him goodbye, he left the country, and those fences are not ones that can be mended. What’s done is done and I don’t regret saying what I said.

Yes, I burn, yearn, ache for true love. I fear, I know, if it finds me, I’m too broken that I’ll have nothing left to give. That part of me is missing, and I can’t share that anywhere but here. So I’ve come to a conclusion that I have to move. There is nothing left for me here, moving here in the first place was a mistake. It’s contributed to crushing what little spirit I had left in me, and all the love I had left was also lost here. I can’t look at this place anymore, I hope that if I can get far far away, some shred of who I am can be found and rebuilt. This is something I know I need to do, I need to do it alone, and maybe if I can’t rebuild who I was, I can start from scratch and build a new me, but I can’t do it here.

“There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief…and unspeakable love.” — Washington Irving

07
Aug
10

Lots of thinking today


There was a picture on here of me, but since my blog was recently forwarded to me by someone on facebook that didn’t read back or realize it was my blog but was just forwarding a funny post of mine, I had to delete all personal stuff that could be tracked back to me, sorry. 😦

This morning’s email did a number on me, initial reaction was that I’m mad, I still am mad, but I am getting over it. It was better for me to have said what I said than to cling to any hope he would do what he said he was doing, or to forget he’s a liar. I think the reason I fell so hard for him was that no one has said the things he said to me in such a long time. I miss that, even if it wasn’t true and he was just a manipulator. I miss someone being in love with me, saying beautiful things to me, dedicating songs to me. It felt a lot like first love, like I had never felt like that before. Remember when you were young/er, and you had that first spark of real love with a guy that had it back with you? Remember how you both couldn’t get enough of touching each other, not in a dirty way, but breathing each other in.

The best way I can describe it is in reference to Twilight, I just read it last week, and I haven’t ever read anyone describe falling in love quite the way it is in this book. I can’t even accurately describe how she describes it. The way Edward touches Bella, it evokes a feeling of realness. When I was with Mr. NY, that is how he made me feel. And it was fun, the wrestling, tickling, private jokes, laughter, secrets we told each other, looking into each others eyes and promising that we’d be together forever.  I can still feel that, just a little for him when I remember the good times. When I fell for him he said he was scared to get hurt, but “you separate the men from the boys by those that are willing to try again”. I had tears in my eyes from something someone said to me, that has NEVER happened to me. That was one of 100 beautiful things he said to me. He was if anything, a smooth talker.

But reality sinks in, and it’s like a thousand bricks come tumbling down with a loud crash, and what I’m left with is nothing but lies and disbelief, and a lot of dust. I want that feeling back damn it! I deserve to have that feeling back! I’m angry he did this to us, to me! Mostly, I’m angry at myself. I realize I had a wall up for 12 years after my first love broke my heart. This guy didn’t tear it down, he climbed over it. When he hurt me, it came crashing down as I realized that even having that wall up all this time didn’t protect me from someone who knew how to scale it, that was a professional climber and thief. The realization that I can be hurt, just as bad, if not more, if I kept the wall up, and continued to lie to myself, finally tore it down.

this was my cold black heart

So I become someone else, someone new. I’m not sure who the new me is yet. I’m not sure how to love someone, I don’t know what it should feel like when someone is honest with me and doesn’t have to work to climb a wall to get to my heart. I am glad this happened though, it awoke my heart. I had forgotten what it was like to fall in love with someone. Before him, I was so bitter, so jaded, I swore I’d never get married, that marriage was for suckers. It was a good defense mechanism, it served it’s purpose to get me through school and what I needed at the time. It also probably destroyed a few attempts at relationships over the last few years. I realize my friends, family, hell even people reading this may hate Mr. NY now. But I can see something good come out of this in the end. Me.

Going through all this, new found heart I guess you could call it, has me at a place in my life I’ve never been before. I think I’m ok with it though, not knowing what will happen next. It feels kind of out of my control, which isn’t a feeling I’ve ever liked, but I let it go, and somehow, I still feel ok not having control. I kind of feel like a weight has been lifted, I feel carefree.

05
Aug
10

crap…. thought I’d have nothing to blog today


But I guess I do, I’ll try to keep it short. No word from Brown, don’t know if he got the sunglasses yesterday or not, I guess it can take 2 days via regular mail, hell I’ve had bills from right down the road not get to me until after they are due, we have serious USPS problems in this area for some reason. SERIOUS. I also, kind of think that if he’s in the mindset that he thinks I was clingy or needy, that he will think it was just another desperate attempt at contact, which it wasn’t. I honestly don’t think he’s “the one”, I had however hoped at least at one point, we would be friends in the end. I am to tell the truth a little disappointed at that. But I have other friends, so it’s fine I guess. I figure if he doesn’t say anything by tonight, he got them, thinks I’m clinging, and won’t even say thanks. But I’m assuming he does have them after today, and I’m not going to think about it again.

I hadn’t heard from “S” since Tuesday when I never replied to his text that night asking if I was done with my training. oops. Last night I got drunk on 3 beers while reading Twilight. It was a great evening alone. I figured I was free of him, that he got the message. Apparently not. He just texted asking what I’m doing tonight. I really don’t want to deal with it at work. I never deal with drama at work. And when I tell him I don’t intend to talk to him again, I’m positive it will be BIG drama. The kind where he says I’m ugly, fat, and he didn’t like me anyway. That is his style with women when he’s rejected. ugh… so ya, not doing it at work. NOT. AT. WORK!

I still don’t really know what I’m doing out there as far as dating. I think I’ve kinda put it all on hold for the next week or so. I’m considering match.com still, but it’s only a consideration at this point. I’m still very put off by online dating, lying men, non-committal men, and my reactions to it all. I want to find the right guy, but I’m tired of looking for it. I’m actually enjoying sitting at home with my beer and book in the evenings, not feeling like I’ve got a million things to do and people I’m obligated to see a few days a week, it was wearing me out. But, with being done with Twilight as of today, wanting to start New Moon and not having it yet, I’ll clean house tonight and feel bored again, and I’m sure, start to look around for some form of entertainment which never bodes well for me. Maybe I’ll go buy New Moon tonight and see what else is good at the bookstore. I guess I’ll do anything to avoid cleaning the house and cat boxes. ;-P

04
Aug
10

Updates and such


So we’ll start with the Liar “S”, he called twice last night, the first time I was on the phone with a friend in Cali who had captured 3 weird bugs that were freaking her out in a jar and we were screaming like little girls trying to figure out what they were… good times. The next time I was in bed, dozing off, but still reading Twilight (ya, I just got around to that book). Then he texted, saying he thinks he got his texting fixed. I ignored all of it, till this morning. The conversation follows.

Me: Yes, I got ur message this morning, phone was on silent, went to be early, at work now.

(ok, I lied… but I figure if he can lie like 700 times, what’s one little lie about ignoring him gonna hurt?)

S: Cool… I was just making sure it’s fixed now

Me: What was wrong with it? Had to restart ur phone? Mine is a spaz sometimes, I just turn it off and on and it fixes the problem

S: Some how ATT took away my texting so I had to call them and yell a little… so what are your plans after work?

Me: Job training tonight for my temp job 😀

(I really intended to do this tonight, but my tummy got really upset from eating junk food for lunch, which I never do)

S: Cool.. maybe tomorrow we can meet up at <insert local restaurant here>

I got the last text while on my way to the fat Dr. Which I’ll talk about in a little while, cause it’s awesome. But I didn’t reply, cause I was driving 70 mph in traffic, then I just forgot, oops. So if he texts or calls, I have to tell him. “I’m not interested in meeting you now, you lied to me, which is a deal breaker. You said your texting was working fine, you were texting other people with out problem, it was just me you couldn’t text, then when you were desperate to get in touch with me, you texted with a lame excuse that doesn’t match up, I don’t date liars, maybe you should consider that with the next girl you meet. Honesty is always the best policy.”

Crap… he just texted again, asking if I was done with my online training…. ugh…

NEXTTTTTTTT….. I sent Browns’s  sunglasses today, snail mail, but I figure they will get there tomorrow, he’s only like 14 miles away. (I forgot I had his address still in my gps from the first time I drove over there, so I just used that to mail them). He’s still on okcupid A LOT, and despite what I great guy I think he is, he blew it, which makes me sad. He lied to me, and maybe it wasn’t to get in my pants, it was to spare my feelings when he had a change of heart, but I’m not sure I find that acceptable, even though on occasion I am guilty of it too. And even then, he could have had the balls to say “I’m sorry, my feelings changed, I’m not interested in seeing you anymore.” I hate cowards as much as liars. I enclosed a very short note in the package that said only “wanted to get these back to you. Sorry things didn’t work out, but it was probably for the best, I guess sometimes things happen for a reason.” and added a smiley face and signed it. Was it nice? no… it was bitchy in disguise. It was ambiguous, it was cold and uncaring, and he’ll wonder what it means forever. I know, I know… but revenge is a dish best served cold. I could have smashed them to bits, but then who still has the upper hand? I like to end things the way they started, with me having all the hand. 😀 I figure he’ll text me and say thanks, I won’t reply. I have nothing to say.

So, no other prospects right now, maybe I’ll go to the local bar that has dollar beer tomorrow night, find a dollar redneck or two…Sometimes this really hot separated customer of mine goes in there on Wed. nights, but he seems scared of me, despite being flirty. Maybe I need to be more flirty? Eh…we’ll see.

Oh… the fat Dr. I go to a weight loss clinic, I gained like 30 lbs. over the course of a few years while in school. Going to work all day, school all night, I didn’t have time to cook anything, I was so on the go I rarely grocery shopped, every meal was eaten out. So, in the last 2 months since I saw my horrible graduation pictures, I’ve lost 20. I take Phentermine and Hcg shots. Today was my 3rd visit and my last month on the pills, then they taper me off, but I figure I can drop the last 10 lbs. this month so when they taper me I can drop another 5 as a buffer for when I’m off them. The pills make me happy, not hungry, full of energy, and well… buzzed sometimes. I likey! But they are addictive, they are amphetamines (I don’t deny what I know as a nurse), so I will have to stop taking them and manage my weight like I use to. Down side, they made me start smoking again, I had quit for over a year, but the pills make me crave it like a crack fiend craves crack. So I’ll have to quit




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