Archive for the 'Rat Bastards' Category

13
Apr
11

No, I’m not bitter, why do you ask?


Is it that I’m punching you in the face?

For all the sadness I’ve had in the last year, I’ve now reached the point of anger. The visual I get in my head of kicking my many ex’s in the balls brings a true smile to my face. The image of punching the jerk in the face that keeps hitting on me at work despite the fact he’s married and his wife gave birth 3 days ago, makes me smile. Of course he asks “why are you smiling like that?” “who me? you mean this ‘cat that ate the canary’ look?”

No one knows, just me and you. When I get that look on my face, it’s cause in my head, I’m going Chuck Norris on someone. I’m frickin tired of all the bullshit in this world, I’m done, and I’m about to show the world how done I am. Apparently saying it to everyone means nothing, they continue to mess with me, so now I’m done with talk, now you get one warning, then I kick ass. This excludes work of course, since I can’t go around kicking men in the balls at work. But GAWD I’d love to get that little punk in a room alone backed against a wall. I’m tired of being nice, why do I have to be nice all the time? Especially to people I don’t like? Because I’m female? Because people expect women to be nice and smile at everyone walking down the street? Ha!

I will be the female equivalent to this picture. When people see this rock they will think, wonder if Chuck or Vendetta did this? What? you wanna piece of me?

 

Public service announcement – Anything said here can not be used against me in a court of law, this is a joke, I am not physically threatening anyone even though I am angry. If you can’t get my warped sense of humor, well, lets just say I’m smilin at cha’!
28
Sep
10

There baaaack…


Why must my single life feel like a scene from a suspenseful movie? It’s like you went to the movie knowing it’s going to be like this, you hear the music of impending doom, yet you still become startled at the moment of the kill.

They always come back, every stupid guy I date that screws up and pulls whatever crap he pulls, comes back. Like my sister, I suppose I’m cursed as well. First I’ll update on her ex-situation. The one that called her a few weeks ago that is. She called back, to find the number disconnected. A few days later he called again, this time she was at home with her fiance and he got her to call again. So he apologizes like he’s in a twelve step program for what he did to her, her fiance is on speaker phone the whole time, and realizes why the dude is calling isn’t an apology, he wants her back. Long story short, he said “holy crap, they really do all come back!” As if he didn’t believe us. I guess at this point in the story, you want to know which one of my slimy ex’s came back?

I saw it coming, when I signed back up for okcupid for the whole friends thing, he was circling my profile like a shark every few days, I guess hoping I’d see it and jump in the water for him to bite. Boy is he wrong! Screw me once, shame on you, screw me twice, shame on me. Apparently Brown also doesn’t know the saying, once bitten twice shy, either. So a few nights ago, he wrote me on there, I only checked it this morning because I was up before dawn with a dog that had to pee so bad she couldn’t wait, so I was awake, and bored. I should have stuck with watching True Blood, at least those vampires only suck your blood.

You really are a very very nice and sweet women, your very pretty and your alot of fun to be around I just thought you should know that…

This is the drunken message I got, I forgot to look to see what time it was when it was sent on the 26th, but I’m betting it was the wee hours of the morning after a very bad date. I find it funny that he felt the need to tell me things I already know about myself instead of apologize. More games I suppose, not that I didn’t expect it. See unlike my sister, my guys rarely apologize, and they don’t take four years to come back, usually it’s around four to nine weeks. Out of the three men I dated more than casually this year, all three have come back now. Darn, what do I have to look forward to for the rest of the year?

Okay, back to Brown and this stupid message. I haven’t replied, not sure that I will, or what I’d say, I need time to think about it. Since I now have the upper hand again, I intend to keep it, and replying so soon after reading it and feeling my heart accelerate with anger, I could easily blurt out something without thinking and lose hand again, and I’d really like to make him suffer. After all, revenge is a dish best served cold. I’ll think about it today, and as always take all comments into consideration. I know some of the best evil minds reside on this blog, so any advice is greatly appreciated, even if you don’t want to be evil in helping me plot revenge, feel free to speak up. I wonder though, do I care enough to get revenge? Maybe I’ll just get bored enough this week and do it for the sake of something interesting to do. I also noticed in this message the “alot” monster was set loose, which made me giggle and revisit her blog. Have a great day everyone!

24
Aug
10

my own personal hell


So it seems karma found a better way to punish me this week. It seems Browns best friend will be at my work every day for the rest of the week. It will only be a few minutes every day I have to see him, but that is enough for him to report back that he saw me, how I looked and acted to Brown. CRAP! I really thought I had this douche bag out of my life. The last thing I need is some reason for him to try to contact me again. Guys that pull what he did, leaving things open without closure with me, always come back, or try. It may not be this week, but I do believe the impending doom feeling I was getting Saturday was this bomb about to be dropped on me.

It’s not like I care what his friend tells him, but I have to be very careful what I say so that he doesn’t get the idea I care what Brown is up to, or that I want him to call me. Quite the opposite. I want to make it clear I don’t, without saying it. I would have taken a week of vacation time had I known about this last week, then he would probably forget I existed when he stepped into my work, thinking Brown had told him I worked at a different location and he was mixed up. But noooooo, can’t play hookey or a whole week now, too late!

Yes, I'm talkin Kirstie Alley frump!

My friend told me to make sure I look really good all week so he’d report back to him how hot I looked. I’m not out for revenge, I don’t care enough, and I don’t want him to want me. I want him to go away. I’m afraid my reaction to his other coworker when he said the best friends name today might have been enough to spread the word. I’m pretty sure I turned bright red and spun around in my chair and said “fuck” under my breath a million times when I thought he stepped out the back door. So I plan to do the opposite of look pretty, I’m going to be a mess! I’m going to wear clothes 2 sizes too big, fat girl clothes, not do my hair at all, and wear no makeup, all.damn.week. Maybe, just maybe, his friend will only ask what he saw in me and that will be the end of the conversation. Think it will work? I’m not that lucky. Best I can hope for is Brown being the coward he is will only text me and I can ignore it and go on pretending he never existed. Right?

They always come back, always. “I was stupid, you are so amazing, I was just scared” or “I wasn’t ready to be with you” I even had one say “I really liked you but you had all these weird ideas about who I was”… uh, dude, did you really try to blame you being an asshole to me on “ideas” you thought I had? Uh, how about no, you are still an asshole, go away now! Buh bye now, run along! Much like Mr. NY’s email in desperation telling me to listen to “Amazed” by whatever country band plays that song. NO, to little too late bub. I’m done! But, thus is my life, and my luck, and this one will do it too, just a matter of time, and how big of balls he has as to what excuse he gives me and how. Oh well, at least I can sleep in this week, don’t have to worry about looking decent!

20
Aug
10

Coward


Main Entry: coward

Part of Speech: noun

Definition: person who is scared, easily intimidated

Synonyms: alarmist, baby, caitiff, chicken heart, chicken liver, chicken, craven, cur, dastard, deserter, faint-of-heart, faintheart, fraidy-cat, funk, gutless, invertebrate, jellyfish, lily liver, malingerer, mouse, pessimist, poltroon, quitter, rabbit, recreant, scaredy cat, shirk, shirker, skulker, sneak, weakling, white liver, wimp, yellow belly, yellow.

My favorite of these are lily liver and yellow belly. Those are just a few words I can use to describe at least 90% of the men I’ve dated, my friends have dated, hell that my mother has married. My friend Vol was dating my neighbor Deere. They met back in May at my graduation party, he was instantly smitten with her, almost speechless around her. She was hesitant about him because well, he’s 25 and she’s older, and she’s just come out of some pretty rough times of her own with an abusive husband she’s still in hiding from. Deere was stuck to her like glue, for months, I rarely saw him come home except to get clean clothes to go back to her house. Then while she was on vacation at the beach with her mother he was home, then when she got back, he was different. She said he barely talked to her while she was gone and when she asked why, he grew even more distant. After I talked with his roommate, aka. my hairdresser and awesome, she said Deere thought Vol was about to drop the “L” bomb! hahahahahah. Maybe Vol was going to drop the L bomb, but she denies it to me. So Vol has a talk with Deere, and tries to clear the air of all pressure on him. A week later after things had been normal again, he stops calling, answering her calls, and even ignores her when she’s sitting next to him in traffic and honks at him and calls! He refuses to acknowledge she exists suddenly. I don’t know why, I really don’t care, he’s too much of a coward to end a relationship with a woman he’s spent at least 5 nights a week with for several moths, he officially SUCKS.

They haven’t talked in 2 weeks, she came over last Friday and Saturday. I saw him Thur. night when I walked the dog the last time and said “look, I know you don’t want to talk about this, but Vol is coming over tomorrow night and it would be nice if you two could exchange personal property with out it being uncomfortable, how about you just leave her stuff on my patio and she’ll do the same with yours?” he agreed. Friday night, he didn’t leave her stuff, so she didn’t deliver his. He was home, she was freaked. I encouraged her to go over there, knock on the door, and ask him to come out and go for a walk and talk to her like a man. I mean, come on, this is the stupidest thing EVER. What grown ass man does this crap. Oh ya, I forget, ALL OF THEM! Seriously… grow a pair dude.

The worst part, what I know would happen if she did this, he would lie to her, tell her he’s sorry and they should work things out, he still cares about her and everything is ok and he’ll call her tomorrow. Then, he’d do the SAME.DAMN.THING! He’d go right back to ignoring avoiding her at all costs. Pathetic. All she wants is closure. Why don’t men get that? Closure shouldn’t be so hard to give us. Why is it so hard to tell us that you aren’t interested in us anymore? You don’t have to analyze it to death, if you don’t want to tell us why, don’t, but tell us it’s over, have some balls man! And then you wonder why you think all women are crazy? why all your ex’s are crazy? HELLO? REALLY? You don’t think it has ANYTHING, everything to do with the disappearing act? the avoidance? the “fraidy-cat, lily liver, invertebrate, jellyfish” manner in which YOU handle things with us?

Main Entry: cur

Part of Speech: noun

Definition: rotten, lowly animate being

Synonyms: black sheep, blackguard, bum, cad, coward , dog, good-for-nothing, heel, hound, ne’er-do-well, rat, riffraff, scoundrel, scum, skunk, snake, stinker, toad, villain, worm, wretch, yellow dog.

Maybe these are better terms for the kind of men I’m speaking of? But what I want to know is, are there any other kind? Do the real men we fantasize about as women really exist at all? I thought some men wrote movies, they write the characters that women want to be with, they know what we want, and yet where are these men? Maybe I’m delusional, maybe they are all married already, maybe they just don’t live in this country. I really have no idea anymore. And this isn’t just about closure, it’s about romance too. So many men and yes women too, are so scared to reveal their emotions, for fear they will make the other person run and do what Deere did to my friend. We shouldn’t have to be afraid of that, it just seems so utterly ridiculous to me that adults act this way. Why can’t a man allow himself to fall for a woman without over thinking it to death, why can’t the woman let him with out freaking out and running? And why can’t the woman when she falls back be allowed to show it? Where is the everlasting devotion in this century?

I know I’ve blogged about how I’m broken, I really am, I have nothing left to give to anyone at this point. I have spent most of my life giving and giving to my friends, always being there for them in their hour of need, I finally hit the point of nothing left to give to anyone. I think I’m glad my true friends recognize this about me and are there for me right now, they are giving to me now that I need it, and I appreciate it, but it still doesn’t change the emptiness I feel inside, no matter how great they are. You can’t warm a heart that doesn’t exist anymore. I go through the motions every day, doing what is expected of me, putting on a smile and fake conversation at work, try to hang out with friends, but really no one wants to hang out with someone who has nothing to say, nothing to give back. THIS ^ above what I talked about it, is part of it, being fed up.

Main Entry:     hopeless

Part of Speech:     adjective

Definition:     futile, pessimistic

Synonyms:     bad, beyond recall, cynical, dejected, demoralized, despairing, desperate, despondent, disconsolate, discouraging, downhearted, fatal, forlorn, gone, goner, helpless, ill-fated, impossible, impracticable, in despair, incurable, irredeemable, irreparable, irreversible, irrevocable, lost, menacing, no-win, past hope, pointless, sad, shot down, sinister, sunk, threatening, tragic, unachievable, unavailing, unfortunate, unmitigable, up the creek, useless, vain, woebegone, worsening.

I’m not sure what I will get out of writing today’s blog, probably nothing more than a way for me to whine and vent and let go of some of the anger building inside me. I suppose anger is better something, it’s not emptiness. But soon after the anger resides, I’m hollow again.

07
Aug
10

boo hoo, cry me a river


kinda looks like him too!

I woke up to an email from Mr. NY today.  Remember Mr. NY? He likes to get drunk and want me back. He’s still living in NY, headed to Croatia, but says he’s coming back for me. boo hoo dude, cry me a river. Who wants to read it? Ok…

“I’m so stupid I should of never left *insert state* or ur side past few days its all I could think bout.   If uve ever heard loneststar.  Amazed. I heard it tnite n I dropped to my knees asking god y I’m even here.  I’m comin back after I’m finished payin respect to my grandfathers grave in Croatia”

Sent at like 2 something a.m. from his blackberry. What is he thinking with this? I have no intention of replying to said message. I almost think I should reply though with some needy clingy message, it might be the only way to keep him away, but it could backfire too. If I ignore it, it will probably just drive him to further communication, you know how guys like a chase. On the other hand, should I reply saying not to come back? I don’t want him to come back and start trying to win me back. I don’t want him in my life or to go down that road again.

All I can hope it’s it’s more bullshit, that he isn’t coming back here. Things he did can’t be forgiven. I’d never trust him again. I was stupid to trust him to begin with. Craaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap! is all i can think right now. I want some chocolate.

*Edit and update – I replied, it was mean, it felt good. He needs to know to leave me alone. I think this will do it.

“Stop *Mr. NY, stop lying to me, things have changed. I see things clearly now, you lied to me, a lot, about so many things that I won’t bother to list them now, and because you know what you lied about. I don’t doubt that you cared about me at some point, in some way, I think it’s why you lied about so many things, because you were scared I wouldn’t like you if I knew the real you, but when it turned to lies for manipulation reasons, I was done. I’ve changed *Mr. NY, I’m not the naive person you once met. I use to wish you would just be honest with me and I could know who you really were, that you would admit to all of the lies and apologize, that you would just pick up a phone and call me. I don’t wish for you to change anymore, this behavior is why your life is where it is right now. I don’t care to speculate on your reasons anymore. I think you are a coward, a liar, a manipulator, and not someone I want in my life. I don’t even care how mad this makes you because it’s all true, and I don’t want to hear it anymore. Goodbye Mr. NY. ”

*Mr. NY is substituted for his real name.

I think, hope, and yes, even pray, this will do it, that he will not reply, that he will leave me alone now. If he doesn’t, I won’t reply anymore. I’m actually really done. I hope he’s mad, I really hope he’s furious, I hope it ruins his weekend like he ruined so many for me. I hope with me finally saying what I wanted to say, how I really feel, that I can move on, and really ignore him from now on.

04
Aug
10

Updates and such


So we’ll start with the Liar “S”, he called twice last night, the first time I was on the phone with a friend in Cali who had captured 3 weird bugs that were freaking her out in a jar and we were screaming like little girls trying to figure out what they were… good times. The next time I was in bed, dozing off, but still reading Twilight (ya, I just got around to that book). Then he texted, saying he thinks he got his texting fixed. I ignored all of it, till this morning. The conversation follows.

Me: Yes, I got ur message this morning, phone was on silent, went to be early, at work now.

(ok, I lied… but I figure if he can lie like 700 times, what’s one little lie about ignoring him gonna hurt?)

S: Cool… I was just making sure it’s fixed now

Me: What was wrong with it? Had to restart ur phone? Mine is a spaz sometimes, I just turn it off and on and it fixes the problem

S: Some how ATT took away my texting so I had to call them and yell a little… so what are your plans after work?

Me: Job training tonight for my temp job 😀

(I really intended to do this tonight, but my tummy got really upset from eating junk food for lunch, which I never do)

S: Cool.. maybe tomorrow we can meet up at <insert local restaurant here>

I got the last text while on my way to the fat Dr. Which I’ll talk about in a little while, cause it’s awesome. But I didn’t reply, cause I was driving 70 mph in traffic, then I just forgot, oops. So if he texts or calls, I have to tell him. “I’m not interested in meeting you now, you lied to me, which is a deal breaker. You said your texting was working fine, you were texting other people with out problem, it was just me you couldn’t text, then when you were desperate to get in touch with me, you texted with a lame excuse that doesn’t match up, I don’t date liars, maybe you should consider that with the next girl you meet. Honesty is always the best policy.”

Crap… he just texted again, asking if I was done with my online training…. ugh…

NEXTTTTTTTT….. I sent Browns’s  sunglasses today, snail mail, but I figure they will get there tomorrow, he’s only like 14 miles away. (I forgot I had his address still in my gps from the first time I drove over there, so I just used that to mail them). He’s still on okcupid A LOT, and despite what I great guy I think he is, he blew it, which makes me sad. He lied to me, and maybe it wasn’t to get in my pants, it was to spare my feelings when he had a change of heart, but I’m not sure I find that acceptable, even though on occasion I am guilty of it too. And even then, he could have had the balls to say “I’m sorry, my feelings changed, I’m not interested in seeing you anymore.” I hate cowards as much as liars. I enclosed a very short note in the package that said only “wanted to get these back to you. Sorry things didn’t work out, but it was probably for the best, I guess sometimes things happen for a reason.” and added a smiley face and signed it. Was it nice? no… it was bitchy in disguise. It was ambiguous, it was cold and uncaring, and he’ll wonder what it means forever. I know, I know… but revenge is a dish best served cold. I could have smashed them to bits, but then who still has the upper hand? I like to end things the way they started, with me having all the hand. 😀 I figure he’ll text me and say thanks, I won’t reply. I have nothing to say.

So, no other prospects right now, maybe I’ll go to the local bar that has dollar beer tomorrow night, find a dollar redneck or two…Sometimes this really hot separated customer of mine goes in there on Wed. nights, but he seems scared of me, despite being flirty. Maybe I need to be more flirty? Eh…we’ll see.

Oh… the fat Dr. I go to a weight loss clinic, I gained like 30 lbs. over the course of a few years while in school. Going to work all day, school all night, I didn’t have time to cook anything, I was so on the go I rarely grocery shopped, every meal was eaten out. So, in the last 2 months since I saw my horrible graduation pictures, I’ve lost 20. I take Phentermine and Hcg shots. Today was my 3rd visit and my last month on the pills, then they taper me off, but I figure I can drop the last 10 lbs. this month so when they taper me I can drop another 5 as a buffer for when I’m off them. The pills make me happy, not hungry, full of energy, and well… buzzed sometimes. I likey! But they are addictive, they are amphetamines (I don’t deny what I know as a nurse), so I will have to stop taking them and manage my weight like I use to. Down side, they made me start smoking again, I had quit for over a year, but the pills make me crave it like a crack fiend craves crack. So I’ll have to quit

01
Aug
10

Men… never say


This is my cat Jack, he's an asshole, he's tormenting his sisters

the word “pussy” in your first conversation with a woman, ugh… it’s so tacky. And especially don’t start talking about sex and making her “squirt cum” in the first 10 minutes… SERIOUSLY! Where do I meet these people? That is called “dirty talk” and something you do when involved in certain more sexual moments, not upon first conversing with someone. I’m so skeeved out right now. And on top of it, this guy is so needy, desperate, it’s just totally not attractive. Throw in a 6 in. goatee, too many tattoos to count, and a voice like he’s smoked 4 packs of cigarettes a day for 40 years at only 30 something years old…. no thanks. I see “future dirty biker dude” written all over this guy.

And.. BIG AND, I know the tell a girl you want a relationship, you want to get married, have kids, grow old with someone, think you win her over and then go straight to the sex talk and try to get laid bit! It’s NOT going to happen dude! Not with me, EVER!

I know I’m supposed to have this new found compassion, love for all people thing goin on here, but there are just somethings I can’t get down with. This is NOT someone I could bring around my parents, this isn’t even someone I could clean up and tell not to cuss around my parents. This is someone my parents would see on tv when I was a kid and say “stay away from people like that!”. Sorry dude, you may know 100 famous musicians, and talk about how they fuck women back stage, and then the next sentence say what nice great guys they are, if you don’t think I see that you are what you hang around, you didn’t see me comin! Other girls may fall for all the smooth talk, but I am NOT other girls! I am NOT impressed by musicians, famous people, hanging around famous people, expensive clothing, and all that crap. There is not one celebrity I’d hit it with… ok, maybe Johnny Depp, but he’s a one woman man, which is maybe why he’s so attractive.

Why do I get the feeling this won’t be the last we hear of rocker boy? they always want what they can’t have…

29
Jul
10

Ladies, it’s YOUR FAULT you are single!


Please note the sarcasm in the title ladies, no need to tell me off, I’m on your side, mostly. If you have done online dating, or hell, have a facebook page, you have seen the ad’s for these self proclaimed dating and relationship gurus. They are going to tell you how to catch and keep your man, and why the love of your life bolted. Then they are going to tell you how to fix it…. for a small fee of course. Plus you need to buy their book… and all 7 of their programs on DVD… and of course, don’t forget to subscribe to their newsletter so they can pitch every new product they have at you on a daily basis.

This is my new project to help men with their dating issues, you know you love it!

Ok, so I was curious, just why do men take off when things get serious? And could these self proclaimed gurus’s have any insight? I mean, I was just under the impression men weren’t as self actualized as women, and of course, the dangley things between their legs make them act like pigs. Who knew it was such an in depth subject that we needed this much information! After all, Evan Marc Katz, one of the coaches newsletters said “We men care about two main things: Are you sexy? Are you fun to be around? If you are, we’re coming back for more.” REALLY? That is all there is to it? Wow, I should be swarming with engagement proposals if that’s the case! Huh… so why is it that the men in my life keep getting scared? Well according to Christian Carter it’s because I tried to talk to them, about feeeeeeelings! GASP! *insert me singing “feeeeelllings” right here* Who ever heard of adults acting like adults and talking? I should have not tried to talk to them. I should have played coy, hard to get, not ever called them, or done anything nice for them, and acted like a stripper on a pole all day long… THAT is what men want according to him! Because according to him, it’s MY fault when a man bolts.

Let me say that I do know I’m accountable for some of the times when a man has bolted from me. I clearly see where I’ve gone wrong. The funny thing is, men act needy and clingy too and I’m the one that bolts from them. Believe me, I know all about a level 4 clinger and have had to deal with dumping one, it’s not easy. I also have dated some men that are mature normal and capable of talking about a relationship and where it’s going without being scared. What I don’t like about what these people are saying is that it is the woman’s fault, we are yet to take on another burden, we are now supposed to be responsible for someone else, their emotional maturity, insecurities, and commitment issues.

Christian Carter said today that after a guy starts to distance himself from you, you have 2 choices “Choice #1) Try Talking To Him” or “Choice #2) Inspire His Devotion Again”…. Riiiiiiigggghhhhtttt… because you shouldn’t ever try to talk to a man like an adult, you have to trick him into liking you. The thing I have such a problem with is this; once a man has one foot out the door, I mean, by the time we realize it, it’s too late to do anything. Their decision is made that they don’t want to be with you anymore. He says “I get that it can be a frightening idea that all it takes is just a few wrong words or actions as a woman and “Wham!”… the man in your life that you’ve been sharing so much of yourself with is suddenly not feeling it for you anymore.” in reply to a woman asking for advice. WOW, wait, did he just totally blame this man’s commitment issues totally on her? I get what he’s saying, don’t act needy and clingy. But what if this woman asking him why, wasn’t needy and clingy, what if the guy has issues that she can’t do anything about, are you still going to try to sell her your book…. looks like by the end of the email you have tried books and DVD programs.

Refer to my blog here. This was the end of Brown and I. I had done nothing up until that point that was needy, clingy, asked for attention, or was otherwise different from how I had been all along. I am just like my blogs in real life, just add a little sexy in there. I’m a smart ass, straight shooter, playful, silly, stupid, klutzy, smart, and yes, sometimes bitchy woman. He knew this the first time I met him, I don’t try to hide who I am, I embrace it, and everyone else should too. Yes, I had voiced a concern to him that we slept together too soon. All I said was 8 words “Do you think we had sex too soon?”. Those 8 little words were taken that I was needy, clingy, acting funny? How is that possible based on my previous behavior? I really want to know why I can’t have an open discussion about sex with someone I’m doing it with? Does that mean I can’t say “a little to the left” or “faster, harder, slower” or any other guidance during the act too? What exactly am I allowed to say that won’t be construed as “needy”? If I said “I wish we had more sex” I doubt that would cause such miscommunication. His reaction to my question was based on past experience with a clinger, not on my past behavior. So then when I was positive I was getting the brush off, I figured “eh, what the hell, I’ll try to give him his shit back, if he doesn’t reply, I’ll trash them”… dude tells me to “dial down the crazy”. WTF? You can see the conversation there. I wasn’t needy, clingy, as a matter of a fact, I was pissed by the end of it. I can’t give you exact words before I quoted the conversation because it would give away personal information, but I promise, it was NOT crazy, or needy, I just asked first if I should toss them, or second if I should pass them along to him if that was easier since he didn’t want to see me. All he had to do was say “ya, do that”, but his own guilt issues and well asshole issues, caused him to lump me with his crazy ex and every other clinger he’s had experience with, and also to attempt to make me feel bad, thus eliminating his guilt over pulling the disappearing act, seeing other women, and putting the blame back on me. You see what happened here? I do. And by the way, I’m bringing his glasses to work tomorrow to have a mutual person we both know pass them along to him, outta spite, instead of being the “crazy” he wants me to be and smashing them. Ya, I’m a little pouty, smashy would have been so fun. Damn ethics.

Sorry for the detour, I just think that example was important to drive home a point. Ladies, the thing is this, these “gurus” are out to make money. What they say about men isn’t right for all men, or even the majority of men. Movies like “The Ugly Truth” make it look like it’s up to us to be this perfect dream woman for this totally screwed up, commitment phobic, non-self actualized man. It’s a funny movie, don’t get me wrong, I own it, it totally cracks me up. And if you want that burden and you want to fake who you are for the duration of your relationship or rest of your life to catch that kind of man, by all means, take their advice and change who you are, but i promise you, he’s still going to lie to you and cheat on you and leave you anyway in the end. And where are the books for him, on how to not think we are all clingers and psychos? How about some of them fix their issues for once? Why the hell do I always have to compensate for some exgirlfriends issues? I’m telling you all, I’ve had it up to here. Do you see how high that is, well it’s as high as I can make it go, so deal with it, but I’m holding my hand up REALLY high!

So here is a little relationship advice for all of you. Men and women. Get over it, your past is not your future, your ex is not the same person you are dating now. If you can’t forgive them, yourself, and forget the pain you once felt, you should not be dating again. Get a therapist and get over it. Stop with these guru’s and go to a therapist if you want real advice, a book or newsletter or seminar can’t tell you what is wrong with your specific relationship. If you keep having the same issue over and over and over, go to a shrink if you can’t see what it is you are doing wrong, hell, ask a good friend to help you look at things. Maybe it’s not what you do, but who you pick that is the problem… Maybe if we all take our heads out of our asses for a while we can figure this out and learn to have happy relationships.

Ok, I really just wanted to use this image cause it's funny

28
Jul
10

“Dial down the crazy please”


is this what a crazy dial looks like?

Never, ever, ever say these words to a woman! Because in effect, you will have just turned the crazy up to a whole new level. Hell, after that was said last night, I had passed crazy 2 exits ago! So the jerk I WAS dating for a few weeks, Brown, left his sunglasses at my house last Friday night. We were supposed to do something Monday and I’d give them back to him, but he stood me up, and I haven’t heard from him. I decided they were either going to be trashed or he needs to reclaim them, but I’m not going to sit there staring at them every day while he decides if he still wants to see me or not, I’m not that desperate. So I ask via text, if he wants me to just trash them or what since he’s pulling the disappearing act on me. He has the audacity to LIE to me and say he’s just been working late and no. I told him I can get them to him thru mutual work contacts, it’s no big deal, he doesn’t have to see me if he wants them. He told me then to “dial down the crazy”… are you kidding me? Oh it was ON! The rest of the conversation went exactly as follows…. with my comments to explain a few things….

Me: “I’m not being crazy, thanks… I don’t like games”

He is soooooooo playing a game

Him: “I’m not a game player either, I have been getting off late and then eating and sleeping, I’m tired”

*coughbullshitcough* He was on okcupid ALL day yesterday at work via his phone and Monday night until 1:30 a.m. can we say LIAR? he can get on okcupid all day but can’t send me a text? gee… wonder why I’m pissed?

Me: “omg, really? You want to go there? Ooook… It’s really not necessary. I just wouldn’t want someone to throw my stuff away. But u want to go there? Lets go!”

Without telling him I know he’s lying, I’m saying “I know you are lying”, but he continues the games, so… let’s do this

Him: “What the fuck are you talking about?”

Really? do we have to play it this way? he knows what I’m talking about

Me: “I was trying to be nice n give ur sunglasses back… but u called me crazy, now I’m pissed”

Me: “I’m not ur ex, don’t treat me like the village crazy! Ur just mad cuz ur bein a jerk and I caught u. this is so highschool”

Alright, I’ll be direct, I tell him why I’m pissed, duh! I’m not playing this game, as a matter of a fact, I have nothing left to lose at this point, so I call it like I see it. Plus, my ex use to say the “this is so highschool” thing to me when we’d fight and it always made me feel horrible, I’ve been dying to use it on someone else and see how effective it is.

Him: “Sorry.”

ok, is this sarcastic? or is this an apology?

Me: “sorry for what? I think u at least owe me and explanation as to what u r apologizing for…”

Him: “because ur mad, sorry”

so, I still can’t tell, he’s not man enough to actually pick up the phone or come over, and he’s on okcupid right now chatting it up with some innocent chump about to become his next victim. But, I’m over it, he can either grow a pair or I’m done.

Me: “So ur sorry bc I’m mad? Not bc of ur behavior that made me mad? If u want to take this off the highschool level u know my number. Feel free to man up”

I gotta tell ya, tonight, it’s smashy smashy trashy trashy night for those stupid sunglasses. He never replied to my last message, and I’m ok with that. I said what I had to say, I had nothing left to lose, he was already one foot out the door, might as well be honest and call him out on his childish behavior.

What I think I’m so surprised at is that I’ve been a practicing cougar for most of this year, most guys I date are at least 8 years younger than me, so when they behave like this, I’m not surprised. But this guy is the exact same age as me! And by exact, we share the same birthday. There is no excuse for this behavior except that maybe it has nothing to do with age, but has more to do with the dangley stuff between men’s legs. I am just so.fed.up. at this point. Come on guys, maybe if you took a little time to look at your own behavior you might have a little insight as to our reactions and not feel the need to label us all “crazy”. Hence my blog name, how do you think I got bat shit crazy? Men like this. Men that lie, cheat, steal, manipulate… then call me crazy because I know what they are doing and call them on it. Your right, I didn’t just catch you in bed with someone else, I’m seeing things, that’s right, I’m crazy, keep denying… Well no more ms. nice nurse, my inner bitch is out and not putting up with this anymore.

26
Jul
10

So when do you call it quits?


Strike one? two? three? how many mistakes is it acceptable for a person to put up with before they walk away? Little ones, big ones? what is big enough to walk away right away? How many little annoyances before you call it quits early in the game?

Early in dating Brown he had asked me out for a Sat. then oops forgot to follow up and made other plans. He said he’d make it up to me. Eh… not really. Ya, he bought me beer, stocked his fridge and asked me over to his pool, but do you really think it wasn’t so he could see me in a bikini and try to bust a move on me, or was that making it up to me? Then Friday nights “headache”… he apologized over and over and said he’d make it up to me. I laughed, gave him a hard time and said he better. He then asked me about going out tonight. I told him he’d have to be extra special nice to me and maybe I’d consider it. Since then, we haven’t spoken. I’m assuming he forgot. again. Either that or he just doesn’t care. And you know what. That epiphany I had Sat. added to all of this just made me realize something else! Epiphany #2… he isn’t good enough for me! WTF? I don’t care about all the crap he has going for him, he isn’t so much of a catch that he doesn’t have to treat me like the gem I am. Man must be outta his mind! woah… No, seriously…

After our 2nd date, things haven’t been great. He hasn’t been impressive. I wonder if he thinks because he has so much going for him or that he has shiny fancy cars and stuff that he doesn’t have to try with women because they will look past the fact he does nothing for them and line up anyway? I see it like this, I have a lot going for me, no fancy car, but I have a nice house, a car, a job, a really positive future career, I’m stable, independent, etc… I’m a catch too, but I realize I still have to show someone I’m with that I care about them, by doing things FOR them, WITH them. I know this, I know relationships require people to take care of each others emotional needs. I don’t care how rich a guy is, or the cars he drives, how big his house is. I care how he treats me and that alone is my deciding factor on a mate. I also understand men show they care in different ways, they “take care” of things different. But this guy, he isn’t doing that either. I’m doing all the work all of a sudden and I don’t like it.

I admit, I’m in a BAD mood today. No particular reason, maybe it’s an accumulation of bad boyfriends past and thinking about it that has me pissed, or maybe I just woke up grouchy groucherson. Most of the guys who have broken my heart at some point come begging back, and tonight, I just wish one of them would try, cause I could really use a punching bag. I know that is immature, and wrong, really I do, but right now, I just don’t care! I’d rather take it out on some douche bag that deserves it, than someone I do care about and regret it tomorrow when I return to my normal happy self.

I think I need another beer…




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