Archive for the 'Rat Bastards' Category

13
Apr
11

No, I’m not bitter, why do you ask?


Is it that I’m punching you in the face?

For all the sadness I’ve had in the last year, I’ve now reached the point of anger. The visual I get in my head of kicking my many ex’s in the balls brings a true smile to my face. The image of punching the jerk in the face that keeps hitting on me at work despite the fact he’s married and his wife gave birth 3 days ago, makes me smile. Of course he asks “why are you smiling like that?” “who me? you mean this ‘cat that ate the canary’ look?”

No one knows, just me and you. When I get that look on my face, it’s cause in my head, I’m going Chuck Norris on someone. I’m frickin tired of all the bullshit in this world, I’m done, and I’m about to show the world how done I am. Apparently saying it to everyone means nothing, they continue to mess with me, so now I’m done with talk, now you get one warning, then I kick ass. This excludes work of course, since I can’t go around kicking men in the balls at work. But GAWD I’d love to get that little punk in a room alone backed against a wall. I’m tired of being nice, why do I have to be nice all the time? Especially to people I don’t like? Because I’m female? Because people expect women to be nice and smile at everyone walking down the street? Ha!

I will be the female equivalent to this picture. When people see this rock they will think, wonder if Chuck or Vendetta did this? What? you wanna piece of me?

 

Public service announcement – Anything said here can not be used against me in a court of law, this is a joke, I am not physically threatening anyone even though I am angry. If you can’t get my warped sense of humor, well, lets just say I’m smilin at cha’!
28
Sep
10

There baaaack…


Why must my single life feel like a scene from a suspenseful movie? It’s like you went to the movie knowing it’s going to be like this, you hear the music of impending doom, yet you still become startled at the moment of the kill.

They always come back, every stupid guy I date that screws up and pulls whatever crap he pulls, comes back. Like my sister, I suppose I’m cursed as well. First I’ll update on her ex-situation. The one that called her a few weeks ago that is. She called back, to find the number disconnected. A few days later he called again, this time she was at home with her fiance and he got her to call again. So he apologizes like he’s in a twelve step program for what he did to her, her fiance is on speaker phone the whole time, and realizes why the dude is calling isn’t an apology, he wants her back. Long story short, he said “holy crap, they really do all come back!” As if he didn’t believe us. I guess at this point in the story, you want to know which one of my slimy ex’s came back?

I saw it coming, when I signed back up for okcupid for the whole friends thing, he was circling my profile like a shark every few days, I guess hoping I’d see it and jump in the water for him to bite. Boy is he wrong! Screw me once, shame on you, screw me twice, shame on me. Apparently Brown also doesn’t know the saying, once bitten twice shy, either. So a few nights ago, he wrote me on there, I only checked it this morning because I was up before dawn with a dog that had to pee so bad she couldn’t wait, so I was awake, and bored. I should have stuck with watching True Blood, at least those vampires only suck your blood.

You really are a very very nice and sweet women, your very pretty and your alot of fun to be around I just thought you should know that…

This is the drunken message I got, I forgot to look to see what time it was when it was sent on the 26th, but I’m betting it was the wee hours of the morning after a very bad date. I find it funny that he felt the need to tell me things I already know about myself instead of apologize. More games I suppose, not that I didn’t expect it. See unlike my sister, my guys rarely apologize, and they don’t take four years to come back, usually it’s around four to nine weeks. Out of the three men I dated more than casually this year, all three have come back now. Darn, what do I have to look forward to for the rest of the year?

Okay, back to Brown and this stupid message. I haven’t replied, not sure that I will, or what I’d say, I need time to think about it. Since I now have the upper hand again, I intend to keep it, and replying so soon after reading it and feeling my heart accelerate with anger, I could easily blurt out something without thinking and lose hand again, and I’d really like to make him suffer. After all, revenge is a dish best served cold. I’ll think about it today, and as always take all comments into consideration. I know some of the best evil minds reside on this blog, so any advice is greatly appreciated, even if you don’t want to be evil in helping me plot revenge, feel free to speak up. I wonder though, do I care enough to get revenge? Maybe I’ll just get bored enough this week and do it for the sake of something interesting to do. I also noticed in this message the “alot” monster was set loose, which made me giggle and revisit her blog. Have a great day everyone!

24
Aug
10

my own personal hell


So it seems karma found a better way to punish me this week. It seems Browns best friend will be at my work every day for the rest of the week. It will only be a few minutes every day I have to see him, but that is enough for him to report back that he saw me, how I looked and acted to Brown. CRAP! I really thought I had this douche bag out of my life. The last thing I need is some reason for him to try to contact me again. Guys that pull what he did, leaving things open without closure with me, always come back, or try. It may not be this week, but I do believe the impending doom feeling I was getting Saturday was this bomb about to be dropped on me.

It’s not like I care what his friend tells him, but I have to be very careful what I say so that he doesn’t get the idea I care what Brown is up to, or that I want him to call me. Quite the opposite. I want to make it clear I don’t, without saying it. I would have taken a week of vacation time had I known about this last week, then he would probably forget I existed when he stepped into my work, thinking Brown had told him I worked at a different location and he was mixed up. But noooooo, can’t play hookey or a whole week now, too late!

Yes, I'm talkin Kirstie Alley frump!

My friend told me to make sure I look really good all week so he’d report back to him how hot I looked. I’m not out for revenge, I don’t care enough, and I don’t want him to want me. I want him to go away. I’m afraid my reaction to his other coworker when he said the best friends name today might have been enough to spread the word. I’m pretty sure I turned bright red and spun around in my chair and said “fuck” under my breath a million times when I thought he stepped out the back door. So I plan to do the opposite of look pretty, I’m going to be a mess! I’m going to wear clothes 2 sizes too big, fat girl clothes, not do my hair at all, and wear no makeup, all.damn.week. Maybe, just maybe, his friend will only ask what he saw in me and that will be the end of the conversation. Think it will work? I’m not that lucky. Best I can hope for is Brown being the coward he is will only text me and I can ignore it and go on pretending he never existed. Right?

They always come back, always. “I was stupid, you are so amazing, I was just scared” or “I wasn’t ready to be with you” I even had one say “I really liked you but you had all these weird ideas about who I was”… uh, dude, did you really try to blame you being an asshole to me on “ideas” you thought I had? Uh, how about no, you are still an asshole, go away now! Buh bye now, run along! Much like Mr. NY’s email in desperation telling me to listen to “Amazed” by whatever country band plays that song. NO, to little too late bub. I’m done! But, thus is my life, and my luck, and this one will do it too, just a matter of time, and how big of balls he has as to what excuse he gives me and how. Oh well, at least I can sleep in this week, don’t have to worry about looking decent!

20
Aug
10

Coward


Main Entry: coward

Part of Speech: noun

Definition: person who is scared, easily intimidated

Synonyms: alarmist, baby, caitiff, chicken heart, chicken liver, chicken, craven, cur, dastard, deserter, faint-of-heart, faintheart, fraidy-cat, funk, gutless, invertebrate, jellyfish, lily liver, malingerer, mouse, pessimist, poltroon, quitter, rabbit, recreant, scaredy cat, shirk, shirker, skulker, sneak, weakling, white liver, wimp, yellow belly, yellow.

My favorite of these are lily liver and yellow belly. Those are just a few words I can use to describe at least 90% of the men I’ve dated, my friends have dated, hell that my mother has married. My friend Vol was dating my neighbor Deere. They met back in May at my graduation party, he was instantly smitten with her, almost speechless around her. She was hesitant about him because well, he’s 25 and she’s older, and she’s just come out of some pretty rough times of her own with an abusive husband she’s still in hiding from. Deere was stuck to her like glue, for months, I rarely saw him come home except to get clean clothes to go back to her house. Then while she was on vacation at the beach with her mother he was home, then when she got back, he was different. She said he barely talked to her while she was gone and when she asked why, he grew even more distant. After I talked with his roommate, aka. my hairdresser and awesome, she said Deere thought Vol was about to drop the “L” bomb! hahahahahah. Maybe Vol was going to drop the L bomb, but she denies it to me. So Vol has a talk with Deere, and tries to clear the air of all pressure on him. A week later after things had been normal again, he stops calling, answering her calls, and even ignores her when she’s sitting next to him in traffic and honks at him and calls! He refuses to acknowledge she exists suddenly. I don’t know why, I really don’t care, he’s too much of a coward to end a relationship with a woman he’s spent at least 5 nights a week with for several moths, he officially SUCKS.

They haven’t talked in 2 weeks, she came over last Friday and Saturday. I saw him Thur. night when I walked the dog the last time and said “look, I know you don’t want to talk about this, but Vol is coming over tomorrow night and it would be nice if you two could exchange personal property with out it being uncomfortable, how about you just leave her stuff on my patio and she’ll do the same with yours?” he agreed. Friday night, he didn’t leave her stuff, so she didn’t deliver his. He was home, she was freaked. I encouraged her to go over there, knock on the door, and ask him to come out and go for a walk and talk to her like a man. I mean, come on, this is the stupidest thing EVER. What grown ass man does this crap. Oh ya, I forget, ALL OF THEM! Seriously… grow a pair dude.

The worst part, what I know would happen if she did this, he would lie to her, tell her he’s sorry and they should work things out, he still cares about her and everything is ok and he’ll call her tomorrow. Then, he’d do the SAME.DAMN.THING! He’d go right back to ignoring avoiding her at all costs. Pathetic. All she wants is closure. Why don’t men get that? Closure shouldn’t be so hard to give us. Why is it so hard to tell us that you aren’t interested in us anymore? You don’t have to analyze it to death, if you don’t want to tell us why, don’t, but tell us it’s over, have some balls man! And then you wonder why you think all women are crazy? why all your ex’s are crazy? HELLO? REALLY? You don’t think it has ANYTHING, everything to do with the disappearing act? the avoidance? the “fraidy-cat, lily liver, invertebrate, jellyfish” manner in which YOU handle things with us?

Main Entry: cur

Part of Speech: noun

Definition: rotten, lowly animate being

Synonyms: black sheep, blackguard, bum, cad, coward , dog, good-for-nothing, heel, hound, ne’er-do-well, rat, riffraff, scoundrel, scum, skunk, snake, stinker, toad, villain, worm, wretch, yellow dog.

Maybe these are better terms for the kind of men I’m speaking of? But what I want to know is, are there any other kind? Do the real men we fantasize about as women really exist at all? I thought some men wrote movies, they write the characters that women want to be with, they know what we want, and yet where are these men? Maybe I’m delusional, maybe they are all married already, maybe they just don’t live in this country. I really have no idea anymore. And this isn’t just about closure, it’s about romance too. So many men and yes women too, are so scared to reveal their emotions, for fear they will make the other person run and do what Deere did to my friend. We shouldn’t have to be afraid of that, it just seems so utterly ridiculous to me that adults act this way. Why can’t a man allow himself to fall for a woman without over thinking it to death, why can’t the woman let him with out freaking out and running? And why can’t the woman when she falls back be allowed to show it? Where is the everlasting devotion in this century?

I know I’ve blogged about how I’m broken, I really am, I have nothing left to give to anyone at this point. I have spent most of my life giving and giving to my friends, always being there for them in their hour of need, I finally hit the point of nothing left to give to anyone. I think I’m glad my true friends recognize this about me and are there for me right now, they are giving to me now that I need it, and I appreciate it, but it still doesn’t change the emptiness I feel inside, no matter how great they are. You can’t warm a heart that doesn’t exist anymore. I go through the motions every day, doing what is expected of me, putting on a smile and fake conversation at work, try to hang out with friends, but really no one wants to hang out with someone who has nothing to say, nothing to give back. THIS ^ above what I talked about it, is part of it, being fed up.

Main Entry:     hopeless

Part of Speech:     adjective

Definition:     futile, pessimistic

Synonyms:     bad, beyond recall, cynical, dejected, demoralized, despairing, desperate, despondent, disconsolate, discouraging, downhearted, fatal, forlorn, gone, goner, helpless, ill-fated, impossible, impracticable, in despair, incurable, irredeemable, irreparable, irreversible, irrevocable, lost, menacing, no-win, past hope, pointless, sad, shot down, sinister, sunk, threatening, tragic, unachievable, unavailing, unfortunate, unmitigable, up the creek, useless, vain, woebegone, worsening.

I’m not sure what I will get out of writing today’s blog, probably nothing more than a way for me to whine and vent and let go of some of the anger building inside me. I suppose anger is better something, it’s not emptiness. But soon after the anger resides, I’m hollow again.

07
Aug
10

boo hoo, cry me a river


kinda looks like him too!

I woke up to an email from Mr. NY today.  Remember Mr. NY? He likes to get drunk and want me back. He’s still living in NY, headed to Croatia, but says he’s coming back for me. boo hoo dude, cry me a river. Who wants to read it? Ok…

“I’m so stupid I should of never left *insert state* or ur side past few days its all I could think bout.   If uve ever heard loneststar.  Amazed. I heard it tnite n I dropped to my knees asking god y I’m even here.  I’m comin back after I’m finished payin respect to my grandfathers grave in Croatia”

Sent at like 2 something a.m. from his blackberry. What is he thinking with this? I have no intention of replying to said message. I almost think I should reply though with some needy clingy message, it might be the only way to keep him away, but it could backfire too. If I ignore it, it will probably just drive him to further communication, you know how guys like a chase. On the other hand, should I reply saying not to come back? I don’t want him to come back and start trying to win me back. I don’t want him in my life or to go down that road again.

All I can hope it’s it’s more bullshit, that he isn’t coming back here. Things he did can’t be forgiven. I’d never trust him again. I was stupid to trust him to begin with. Craaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap! is all i can think right now. I want some chocolate.

*Edit and update – I replied, it was mean, it felt good. He needs to know to leave me alone. I think this will do it.

“Stop *Mr. NY, stop lying to me, things have changed. I see things clearly now, you lied to me, a lot, about so many things that I won’t bother to list them now, and because you know what you lied about. I don’t doubt that you cared about me at some point, in some way, I think it’s why you lied about so many things, because you were scared I wouldn’t like you if I knew the real you, but when it turned to lies for manipulation reasons, I was done. I’ve changed *Mr. NY, I’m not the naive person you once met. I use to wish you would just be honest with me and I could know who you really were, that you would admit to all of the lies and apologize, that you would just pick up a phone and call me. I don’t wish for you to change anymore, this behavior is why your life is where it is right now. I don’t care to speculate on your reasons anymore. I think you are a coward, a liar, a manipulator, and not someone I want in my life. I don’t even care how mad this makes you because it’s all true, and I don’t want to hear it anymore. Goodbye Mr. NY. ”

*Mr. NY is substituted for his real name.

I think, hope, and yes, even pray, this will do it, that he will not reply, that he will leave me alone now. If he doesn’t, I won’t reply anymore. I’m actually really done. I hope he’s mad, I really hope he’s furious, I hope it ruins his weekend like he ruined so many for me. I hope with me finally saying what I wanted to say, how I really feel, that I can move on, and really ignore him from now on.

04
Aug
10

Updates and such


So we’ll start with the Liar “S”, he called twice last night, the first time I was on the phone with a friend in Cali who had captured 3 weird bugs that were freaking her out in a jar and we were screaming like little girls trying to figure out what they were… good times. The next time I was in bed, dozing off, but still reading Twilight (ya, I just got around to that book). Then he texted, saying he thinks he got his texting fixed. I ignored all of it, till this morning. The conversation follows.

Me: Yes, I got ur message this morning, phone was on silent, went to be early, at work now.

(ok, I lied… but I figure if he can lie like 700 times, what’s one little lie about ignoring him gonna hurt?)

S: Cool… I was just making sure it’s fixed now

Me: What was wrong with it? Had to restart ur phone? Mine is a spaz sometimes, I just turn it off and on and it fixes the problem

S: Some how ATT took away my texting so I had to call them and yell a little… so what are your plans after work?

Me: Job training tonight for my temp job 😀

(I really intended to do this tonight, but my tummy got really upset from eating junk food for lunch, which I never do)

S: Cool.. maybe tomorrow we can meet up at <insert local restaurant here>

I got the last text while on my way to the fat Dr. Which I’ll talk about in a little while, cause it’s awesome. But I didn’t reply, cause I was driving 70 mph in traffic, then I just forgot, oops. So if he texts or calls, I have to tell him. “I’m not interested in meeting you now, you lied to me, which is a deal breaker. You said your texting was working fine, you were texting other people with out problem, it was just me you couldn’t text, then when you were desperate to get in touch with me, you texted with a lame excuse that doesn’t match up, I don’t date liars, maybe you should consider that with the next girl you meet. Honesty is always the best policy.”

Crap… he just texted again, asking if I was done with my online training…. ugh…

NEXTTTTTTTT….. I sent Browns’s  sunglasses today, snail mail, but I figure they will get there tomorrow, he’s only like 14 miles away. (I forgot I had his address still in my gps from the first time I drove over there, so I just used that to mail them). He’s still on okcupid A LOT, and despite what I great guy I think he is, he blew it, which makes me sad. He lied to me, and maybe it wasn’t to get in my pants, it was to spare my feelings when he had a change of heart, but I’m not sure I find that acceptable, even though on occasion I am guilty of it too. And even then, he could have had the balls to say “I’m sorry, my feelings changed, I’m not interested in seeing you anymore.” I hate cowards as much as liars. I enclosed a very short note in the package that said only “wanted to get these back to you. Sorry things didn’t work out, but it was probably for the best, I guess sometimes things happen for a reason.” and added a smiley face and signed it. Was it nice? no… it was bitchy in disguise. It was ambiguous, it was cold and uncaring, and he’ll wonder what it means forever. I know, I know… but revenge is a dish best served cold. I could have smashed them to bits, but then who still has the upper hand? I like to end things the way they started, with me having all the hand. 😀 I figure he’ll text me and say thanks, I won’t reply. I have nothing to say.

So, no other prospects right now, maybe I’ll go to the local bar that has dollar beer tomorrow night, find a dollar redneck or two…Sometimes this really hot separated customer of mine goes in there on Wed. nights, but he seems scared of me, despite being flirty. Maybe I need to be more flirty? Eh…we’ll see.

Oh… the fat Dr. I go to a weight loss clinic, I gained like 30 lbs. over the course of a few years while in school. Going to work all day, school all night, I didn’t have time to cook anything, I was so on the go I rarely grocery shopped, every meal was eaten out. So, in the last 2 months since I saw my horrible graduation pictures, I’ve lost 20. I take Phentermine and Hcg shots. Today was my 3rd visit and my last month on the pills, then they taper me off, but I figure I can drop the last 10 lbs. this month so when they taper me I can drop another 5 as a buffer for when I’m off them. The pills make me happy, not hungry, full of energy, and well… buzzed sometimes. I likey! But they are addictive, they are amphetamines (I don’t deny what I know as a nurse), so I will have to stop taking them and manage my weight like I use to. Down side, they made me start smoking again, I had quit for over a year, but the pills make me crave it like a crack fiend craves crack. So I’ll have to quit

01
Aug
10

Men… never say


This is my cat Jack, he's an asshole, he's tormenting his sisters

the word “pussy” in your first conversation with a woman, ugh… it’s so tacky. And especially don’t start talking about sex and making her “squirt cum” in the first 10 minutes… SERIOUSLY! Where do I meet these people? That is called “dirty talk” and something you do when involved in certain more sexual moments, not upon first conversing with someone. I’m so skeeved out right now. And on top of it, this guy is so needy, desperate, it’s just totally not attractive. Throw in a 6 in. goatee, too many tattoos to count, and a voice like he’s smoked 4 packs of cigarettes a day for 40 years at only 30 something years old…. no thanks. I see “future dirty biker dude” written all over this guy.

And.. BIG AND, I know the tell a girl you want a relationship, you want to get married, have kids, grow old with someone, think you win her over and then go straight to the sex talk and try to get laid bit! It’s NOT going to happen dude! Not with me, EVER!

I know I’m supposed to have this new found compassion, love for all people thing goin on here, but there are just somethings I can’t get down with. This is NOT someone I could bring around my parents, this isn’t even someone I could clean up and tell not to cuss around my parents. This is someone my parents would see on tv when I was a kid and say “stay away from people like that!”. Sorry dude, you may know 100 famous musicians, and talk about how they fuck women back stage, and then the next sentence say what nice great guys they are, if you don’t think I see that you are what you hang around, you didn’t see me comin! Other girls may fall for all the smooth talk, but I am NOT other girls! I am NOT impressed by musicians, famous people, hanging around famous people, expensive clothing, and all that crap. There is not one celebrity I’d hit it with… ok, maybe Johnny Depp, but he’s a one woman man, which is maybe why he’s so attractive.

Why do I get the feeling this won’t be the last we hear of rocker boy? they always want what they can’t have…




This is Meeeeeeeeeeeee!

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