Archive for the 'strange encounters' Category

25
Oct
10

I get the best spam email because of this blog


You really got the guts to break up with me over email,bitch??!?!

Tell you what! I just made a nice compilation of your/our best scenes and put it up for download on (Insert spam link to porn site)
Oh and btw: This email just went out to your parents. I bet they didn’t know you’re into dirty stuff like this.

Cheers!
Your ex bf

Yup, I got that this morning, along with about 57823457 other wordpress bloggers I’m sure, the email list was LONG! I of course didn’t click the link, I have no need to see some porn that will infect my computer for years to come. I just think how odd it is that someone went through blog after blog collecting emails to send this weird bit of spam to! Def. the funniest spam I’ve ever gotten by far! Never seen anything remotely close to this in my inbox. Usually it’s the typical nigerian money scams, or normal spam that attempts to get me to shop on their site, but this was  a first… ah… blogging, what fun.

16
Sep
10

Wow… say the word facebook


In the title of your blog and you get very popular all of a sudden. Random people tweeting me and stuff, that’s new. And my blog link is being passed around facebook as well, and I swear, I didn’t self promote since most of my friends don’t even know I have a blog! Well, they will if they get sent the link and start browsing it and see the pics of my pets… uh…. maybe I should delete those posts, or hide them for a while till my popularity goes back to a normal level? So with this new found fame, I suppose I can now find advertisers that will pay me to sit here and show off my mad photoshop skills and spout random useless shit and get rich right? That is the American way after all! Get rich, doing what everyone else is doing. I knew that Bachelors in Studio Art would pay off some day!

So on to more important things, like my sister’s current drama. It’s like a frickin soap opera, I love it, I’m hooked, I can’t wait for tomorrow’s episode. Tonight she calls me and the voice mail goes something like this “Oooooh my gaw! oh my gaw, oh my gaw, oh my gaw! You are never going to believe this! OMG! Guess who called me? You will never guess in a million years! omg, where are you? I’m freaking out! Pick up the phone!… Beeep” The beep was her calling me right back while I was listening to the voicemail. I never finished it. I did however guess who it was. Her psychotic schizophrenic Jehovah witness exboyfriend! After four and a half years at that!

Let’s explain the back story, he was weird, like now that I know things, I also think he’s homosexual in the closet crazy weird. During the one year they were together he required her to remove all pubic hair or he wouldn’t have sex with her, on top of that, he refused to touch her with his bare hands, down there, if ya know what I mean. No oral sex, nothing but straight up, plain, sex with no foreplay. WEIRD enough for me! But it gets better! He also hears the voice of god, like really hears him in his head, he tells him things, like he’s a bad person for living with her, and other strange things I’m sure I don’t want to know. Then, one day she’s at Disney World on vacation with a friend, happiest place on earth, unless you are my sister, and he calls from home. He tells her while she’s standing in the middle of the park, he’s dumping her. See, not such a happy place is it? He’s moving out right then, while she’s out of town and taking care of her 9 cats and dog. He says he’ll come by the house a few times a day to check on them, but when she gets back he will be totally gone. Which is true, except for a few things he left. First let me list what he took, 2 things; a package of frozen steaks from the freezer, and all the change from the change jar. That is it! He left a car that didn’t run, cell phone, all his clothes, shoes, books, childhood memories, EVERYTHING! Then he disappeared, nowhere to be found to give him this stuff back!

She called his parents, brother to try to find him so he could get his stuff back. I drove up there and helped her pack it all up, we shoved what we could in the little car, and told his family to get it or it was being towed to an impound lot since the title was in his name. They did send a tow truck for it and that was the end of the story. Right?

My sister is now engaged, living with him for several years, getting married next May, I’ve mentioned being the maid of honor. Tonight, four and a half years after this douchebag left, he starts calling her, not once, but 3 times so far. She’s not answering because she’s in another state on business until tomorrow. As usual, the messages are getting crazier and crazier. She told her fiance and of course he took the opportunity to fuck with her a little. Funny part of it is, if this psycho is trying to find her, and goes to the house they lived in, she’s not there! She now rents that house out, and is in the process of evicting the tenets! The hilarity that started over us imagining him showing up outside that house yelling her name in the middle of the night had us rolling. Hoping all her problems will be solved in one night with her tenants shooting him in the face with a shotgun, thus being arrested and emptying the house and killing the psycho, or at the very least, would scare them enough to move out without her having further legal charges from eviction.

This is where the story ends… for now. Tonight she will be back home with her fiance, and she will return his crazed messages and see what he wants in his presence, for moral support, and so he can threaten him if the freak gets out of hand. She did say if he’s pregnant, it’s NOT her’s, she’s not paying child support. Surely he doesn’t think she still has the few things she couldn’t fit in the car to give back to him after 4.5 years? He said it was very important he talk to her… I’m so curious, I can barely stand it.

09
Aug
10

Straight, Straight, ….. kinda?


I’m telling this story because KaPau! reminded me of the typical scene when I go out ends up in similar predicaments as she does. A few months ago, I went out with 2 girlfriends to this really neat bar in a neighborhood in the small city that I usually really like. It was cold outside, so most of the outdoor activities like ping pong, cornhole, and other games are closed or not really getting much use, everyone is inside huddled around the bar. The bar is a long bar to the right of the door when you walk in, kind of an L shape, curving to the right with the corner right by the front door, the short edge kind of in a nook in the corner with a few tables by the front window, a little more cozy there. We walk in and right on the corner of the bar are two lesbians making out, not just kissing mind you, but groping, face swallowing, making out. Little offensive, not because they are gay, I’m just as offended by straight people doing that out in the open. Take it somewhere more private, not right at the front door people, it’s just tacky.

We look around for seats, crap, nothing but over on the short side in the nook… .next to the lesbians. So we grab 3 bar stools and sit. Well at the time I had given up smoking for almost a year, but both of my friends were smokers. So they were up and down going outside to smoke. Finally, the girls stopped making out behind us, and one got up to go to the bathroom, leaving the more masculine of the couple alone. She swings around on her barstool to us, very drunk, and looks at the three of us, points and me and says “Straight”, points at my greek friend and says “Straight”, then points at my redheaded friend (who consequently has the same haircut as the butch girl) and says “Kinda”. “Straight, straight…. kinda”. We all crack up, well except the “kinda” one. She’s offended, she is going through a divorce, she likes men, but I do admit, there are times I’ve wondered about her. Maybe it’s just b/c she’s a powerful woman, an attorney, loudmouth, who loves baseball? Maybe it was the cutting of the hair to that spiky in the back long in the front, very butch cut? Idk… anyway, so very funny. So my friends take off to go smoke, her girlfriend is out with them,  and I’m left with butch… remember, she knows I’m straight, she deemed me straight, no gaydar has ever gone off when someone looks at me, I have zero gay in me short of being the best fag hag on the planet! She scoots up next to my stool and I’m fine being friendly to her, she’s talking about how this isn’t even her girlfriend, this chick she’s with is married and in the closet, then she proceeds to put her hand on my leg, and not only sit it there, slides it up a little too high for comfort! I grab her hand, put it back on her lap and say “no thank you, ‘straight’ remember”. She said “ya, I know, but you are pretty, can’t a girl dream?”…. what the hell, go home dream about me all you want, I don’t care, but do NOT put your hands on me in THAT way. So my friends come back and we kind of ignore her and her lover, when we realize they are gone. Whew…. right?

Not so fast… now there is a guy sitting there with a treble clef tattoo on his neck, crazy eyes, texting furiously, and he keeps looking at ME. Of course, can’t look at my friends, can’t look at the 50 other girls out in the rest of the bar. Instead looking at me, over and over, and every time I look, I can’t help see him because he’s in my line of sight to the rest of the bar where I’m trying to scope for hotties! So now he thinks I’m looking at him. GREAT. Off go my friends again… here he comes, scooting down the bar seats at me. Volunteering immediatly that he is texting with his MOTHER, tellin her he’ll be home by midnight… oh yes folks, it gets worse. Then tells me his mom is a nurse too, and the greatest woman on the planet, he loves nurses, and he never wants to not live with his mom. I got the feeling he would still breast feed from her if he could…. He also said “I'”m not crazy or anything! I mean, I’m bipolar, but I’m not crazy, they let me out of the hospital and said I was ok now”. I’m about to cry at this point, ready to start smoking again, just to be free of this guy! I finally text my friends to PLEASE come back! The Greek comes back, turns out my other friend met a guy outside and is making out with him… guess the “kinda” comment scared her enough to prove there was no “kinda”. Whatever, just SAVE me! So finally I go outside with them to freeze and stand under the heaters… it’s closing time now, and as we turn to walk in, the guy my friend is making out with is behind me and cops a feel of my ass as my friend grabs his other hand to pull him past me! yes, he didn’t just accidentally brush by my ass, he grabbed a handful and made it clear it was intentional. I tell my fiend, she’s hurt, but says she doesn’t really care, he’s here from out of town, and will never see him again anyway, it was just fun to make out. oooook. Can we just leave?

And that is what happens to me when I go out to bars, with my friends. You can see why I chose online dating over the more traditional method of  meeting people?

Here’s a funny, looking for pics of the inside of the place, I found a video of former pres. clinton visiting there, lmao… it starts off with him at the bar and secret service all around him, sitting in the exact spot all the crazies that hit on me that night were in!




This is Meeeeeeeeeeeee!

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