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At a loss for words…

I haven’t written in a while, I didn’t even finish my Festivus tribute. Not only am I not motivated to write, I’m so busy and exhausted I haven’t made time or thought of what to say. My life poses no real social or moral dilemmas at the moment, small irritations here and there, but nothing life changing, nothing the world wants to read about, or at least I don’t know why anyone would.

I am working nights now, which I’ve had no trouble converting to, the problem lies in converting back to days once a week for a training class as part of my 6 month orientation. It kills me, I’m so exhausted getting 4 to 5 hours of sleep as it is, then trying to sleep when I’m normally awake takes it’s toll after a few weeks. Friday night I could barely trace a line from my patient to the IV pump and bag, much less learn anything new. I also monitor up to 30 patients on a telemetry monitor a couple nights a week, another part of the orientation thing. I wouldn’t mind that part once a week, but two a week is pushing my ability to sit in one place for 12 straight hours. I’ve started hearing the alarm sounds in my sleep.

Work is good, I’m learning a lot about different equipment and drugs I was never familiarized with in school. We use a lot of propofol, yup, the drug that killed MJ. Apparently we use it less now than before since families are concerned about it, not understanding the situation is different, these patients are on a ventilator, it doesn’t matter if they stop breathing on their own. The fun part of my job is knowing all these people’s deep dark secrets. Real life brokeback mountain stories, men who have a heart attack while with hookers and his wife is out of town (when the wife finally thinks to ask, “who called 911?” it’s a fun conversation), criminals, drug addicts, schizophrenics… the families have no idea what their loved ones hide, until they show up on my floor unconscious and someone has to make decisions about whether or not the live or die. Word to the wise people, if your next of kin wouldn’t like your life choices or you live a life of lies, I’d find someone else to be in charge of the decision to keep you alive or withdraw care.  Or maybe people should think about being jerks once in a while and do the right thing instead of deceiving those that love them most.

Anyway… on my social life front, well, I have none really. I haven’t been out in well over a month. I have no interest in dating still. It’s not that I don’t want someone to love, it’s really not, but it terrifies me to the core. I have major trust issues, and I can’t imagine one single man out there that would measure up. It does seem however that the men at work have discovered my singledom. The creepy guy that asked me to do porn on his website via the cupid site last year turns out to work as a travel nurse on my floor! He’s of course hitting on me not realizing I recognize him. I’m NOT saying anything to him, he’s kind of scary/creepy enough to be someone who would feel threatened and might try to kill me in the parking lot or something. I’ll just keep my mouth shut and hope his assignment is over soon. The rest I don’t mind the flirtations, none of them give me butterflies, and I have no intention of becoming involved with any of them, so let them bring me coffee and food, fine by me! Back to my not wanting to date, my rational for it anyway. I can’t seem to get that “feeling” when I meet new men in various places, the feeling I get is just like when I meet a female, friendship only. I figure when I’m ready, I’ll meet someone, I’m in no hurry, not like my schedule lends it’s self to wanting to date anyway. Maybe I need some therapy first, when I can afford it.

Speaking of affordable, I got a new car! Totally forgot about that. I got a 2011 Honda Civic. Man, I love this car. The only thing that could make it better would be leather heated seats. They didn’t have any in stock and my car was about to take a dump with the long distances I was driving every day to work, so I bought the best model they had. I probably didn’t get the best deal I could have gotten, but my salesman wasn’t really much of a salesman, he was one of the unfortunate people who was laid off and this was better than no income, and he was really nice and not slimy at all. Had he been the guy across from him, total slimball jerkface scum, I would have pushed for a much lower price and been a real pain in the ass. But he was so new, and nice, and honest, I felt bad taking away his paycheck by getting it super cheap. I did get it lower than sticker of course, but not my usual car buying experience. I also got the extended bumper to bumper warranty, with the miles I’m putting on it, I’ll need it. That being said, I was spending $400 a month on gas in my old car, this one will be about $150 at current gas prices. If I didn’t have a payment, I would be saving money… but, with the payment, I’m still only spending $100 more a month than I was. Totally worth it. That being said, my paychecks SUCK! I’m grossing $1200 more a month and only getting $600 of that! WTF? I even claimed 2 on my tax forms to get more back each paycheck and it’s barely made a difference! My taxes SUCK!

On a final note, I have realized how much I hate the long drive to work, even in a new car, after working 12 hours, no one wants to drive an hour home! I need to move. Problem is, I have to sell my townhouse. We all know how well that’s going to work out! Plus my house needs some cosmetic work I can’t afford at the moment. On top of that, even if I list my house, how can I show it with one dog, four cats, and me sleeping during the day when they want to see it? I have to move out first and get a rental while it’s listed, and I really can’t afford a rental house and my mortgage at the moment. Hell I can’t even afford to get the carpet patched where the cat shredded it while trapped in the guest room on accident. I guess I’m stuck where I am for now, until I get a decent raise.

I suppose I should get up and go face the sunlight, I have a lot to do today and have put it off long enough. I’m working on some comic like posts to add a little comedy to my blog, mostly about my crazy animal farm. Someday I’ll get at least one finished and post it. But first I have to go change the litter boxes and finish reading this great book on my NookColor.


On the 13th day of Festivus

I quit my job. I find amusement that it’s on the thirteenth day too. It felt weird to leave my job after seven long years. One of my customers gave me a gift card for twenty dollars to target, that was really nice of her, considering she’s not the easiest person to deal with and several other designers have fired her! So enough with my boring last day of work. I know you are all ready to hear tonight’s airing of grievances.

I had a great one last night, I should have typed it up, but I forgot it now. Total blank. Worse still is I’m happy for the most part, not angry at the world or any person in particular to air grievances toward. So I guess I can take tonight to tell myself off for having nothing to say. I disappoint me! I should wrestle myself! Really… I got nothing. How can I be all pissy when I just quit a job I’ve hated for seven years and am starting my dream job Monday? Too much relief tonight to complain. But be ready, tomorrow I have to go to the mall… dun dun dun… I’m sure there will be some sort of parking or crowd control grievance. More than likely it will be about sticky little children run amuck while their parents try to hide purchases for them for the holiday when they should have left them at home in the first place! I wish there were an adult only mall.. not that kind! get your mind out of the gutter! I mean, all the same stores, but you have to be 21 to enter and they serve beer and wine while you shop. that would be the best thing EVER!


On the 14th Day of Festivus…

My true love gave to me, a pounding headache and a mouth dry as a cactus! Okay… my true love is Michelob Ultra, and I had a few too many last night. My lack of energy and grueling hangover probably didn’t help with my lack of patience today. I was going to save the best airing of grievance for last, since there is soooooo much to say on the subject, but today was such a classic day at work, with my family, I even came up with joke. Ready for it?

How many of my parents does it take to unscrew and disconnect a wire of an electric hole punching machine? I’m sure you can guess…. Two. One to call the company that made it and ask how to fix it and yell at the other one while he unscrews the machine and pulls the wire. Two people take over an hour on this one task that should have taken one person ten minutes.

In the mean time, I had to lift a huge heavy object, pack it and ship it off, without either of them offering to help. I suppose had it required a screwdriver, my douche bag stepdad would have run to turn the screwdriver for me, seeing as I’m inept at doing such a difficult task being female and all, but lifting heavy objects larger than me, I don’t need help. I can do that and print a large presentation and finish a huge project I’ve been designing for two weeks. All because it takes TWO people to unscrew a machine and unhook a wire.

That is just the tip of the iceberg though. The last week of my job has been the ultimate test of wills. I could survive in a tent in Alaska for a month with Sarah Palin easier than this last week as been with my parents at my job. Taking bets on if I snap tomorrow? Shall I start a poll? I would, but my lack of blogging lately has so few people reading, I’m sure it would only get two votes.

Should I be grateful they hired me, payed me under the poverty line for 7 years so I could go back to school and once again get away from them? Should I be grateful for the monetary things I’ve been given. If I felt those things were what are important in life I would be. The fact that it’s thrown in my face they could hire someone for much less than I’m paid every day makes me resentful, not grateful. I live below the poverty line! Luckily I am thrifty, I live alone, and have no children. Although I think children would cost less than the five four legged furry ones I’ve chosen to adopt. I drive an eight year old car with the paint peeling off, windows that can’t roll down all the way, a broken passenger door handle, a cd player that plays when it wants, and increasing repairs. I can’t afford a new car. But I won’t bore you with the gajillion ways my family sucks or reasons I have to be resentful, or why I should be in therapy for the next ten years of my life to shake off the black veil they have thrown on my life.

But I should be grateful. I try to be grateful for what I have, but it isn’t the material things that matter to me, so no, I’m not grateful for being tricked and trapped into the situation I have been in for seven years. I’m grateful that tomorrow is my last day of it and I’m finally free.


On the 15th day of Festivus

This is something I have to get off my chest. This is something I find to be the most abhorant human behavior I’ve ever seen. I’m going to show some graphic video’s. Things I can’t watch without crying all night and I want one person to justify how it’s the right thing to do. I don’t see how anyone can. But if you can, force yourself to watch, it needs to be seen, more people need to speak up.

Understand, the reason they are “managing” the wolves this way is because they are eating the elk that tourist come to hunt. Also understand these are canned hunts. Which means these animals are fenced in a controlled area. Most are use to humans and don’t even know to run before they are murdered. Yes, when you hunt for sport, when you can’t even go track an animal in the wild and use it for food and leather, it is murder. The wolves aren’t hurting humans, they don’t attack unless provoked and stay away from humans as much as possible. I’ve heard a hunter in Montana complain that he left his kill and came back TWO days later to get it and the wolves had eaten it, so the wolves must die. First of all, what hunter is stupid enough to leave a kill for that long? Your meat is being poisoned by decay! It’s important to dress your kill as soon as possible, ideally in the field. But yes, this jackass thinks wolves should die so he can leave his dead meat lying around for days before his lazy ass goes to get it.

THIS is the epitome of what is wrong with this country. If you can make easy money off something, use it, abuse it, throw it away and be proud! I find this video to be the most disgusting, I can’t honestly watch it all because it’s so horrible to me. And the woman who wants to be our President, to represent us all finds this to be okay? How in anyone’s mind is animal suffering for our gain okay? This isn’t about politics, this is about common sense, right and wrong, and saving our own species by saving the rest.

Let me stress something first before all the hunters go off on me. I am not anti-hunting…. for FOOD! I believe it should be done on foot in a sporting manner that gives the animal some chance of escape, the way they hunt, and the kill should be quick and painless. If you can’t hunt in that way, you have no reason to be hunting. Animals are NOT going to overun us, don’t give me that craptastic excuse. We are a population of THREE BILLION and climbing! Trust me, they are no threat to our population. I find hunting for food to be far less cruel than farming animals. Don’t make me post video’s of those conditions and how they are killed. It’s not okay, none of this is okay. We have lost our sense of right and wrong and we have no respect for anything but the all mighty dollar.

THIS alone is enough to make me hate Sarah Palin! But luckily for me, she does so many other idiotic things that everyone else is beginning to see other reasons, even if they don’t care about the wolves. I wish she would just shut up and go away. She is STILL complaining about the interview with Katie Couric. How Katie is just so left that she was out to get her… Katie is an amazing interviewer, she asks hard questions and gets truth, it’s not her fault when people look like idiots on camera! She was very nice in the interview, I saw no personal agenda to it, I just saw a little Mrs. Palin stuck answering questions she didn’t want to answer and looking as stupid as ever. Katie Couric would make a better president than Palin. Palin needs to stay right were she is in Hollywood, where hot messes belong. Stay with Brittany, Lindsay, Paris, and the Kardashians but stay out of my government!

I wish she were at my Festivus dinner, she would be my top pick for the feats of strength. Better yet, lets make it legal to hunt stupid people from planes! I call dibs on chasing her down for hours until she wears out then killing her. Will someone pay me $150 for her leg? Cause that’s all I’d bring back, I’d leave the rest to the wolves.


A Festivus Countdown (an airing of grievances)

With Festivus fast approaching,

and all of my family and friends going away and my new crazy work schedule, I feel the need to air some grievances now. Lets call it the 16 days of Festivus. If Christmas gets 12 days, Festivus needs at least 16 because I have a lot of problems with you people to tell you about!

And while attempting to make this post the one, a big reason I’ve not posted much lately has come up. I’ll start with Please oh wordpress moderators, powerful ones, understand the airing of grievances happens once a year, once it’s said, and we bicker about it, it is never to be spoken of again. Thus, here is my problem with you and how you have disappointed me so.

What the HELL is wrong with the picture uploads?

Really, it freezes, I have to close the whole post, losing anything that didn’t auto save. It doesn’t upload the photo. I have to try over and over again. And it’s not just me, don’t blame my computer. It’s not a pc issue. I have it from both a HP media center running XP at work that runs Adobe CS programming with no issues (don’t blame RAM or my processor) and a brand new HD running Windows 7 at home, it’s so fast it streams movies in HD to my 42 in. 1080p TV, don’t blame the new computer either. It happens on two unrelated systems. It’s happened for over 2 months now. Why haven’t you fixed it? It use to be fine. Secondly, what is with the stupid space it started putting around the photo in the post around the same time? Is this really necessary? If you don’t fix this you may be the one called to challenge me in the feats of strength. Just sayin… Or, I guess I can just move my blog to blogger like half the rest of this site.

Tomorrow, I take on Palin, bitch is goin down!


what’s new with me?

I’m glad you asked! I realize I haven’t posted much lately, and it’s mostly because I haven’t much to say these days. But I do have some happy news. I have an amazing new job! I am officially an ICU nurse. I knew I got it after the interview, it was just a matter of waiting for the official offer from human resources. Which unexpectedly came as three offers! I had interviewed two weeks prior for another easier position but wasn’t sure if I got it, apparently I did, and had to choose. The ICU position was an interview for two different critical care positions, neuro and regular. I made the decision of regular for now, maybe transfer to neuro after a year or two. The pay is great, especially being a night shift, and the benefits can’t be beat. I love the hospital and staff that I’ve met thus far, so I’m sure going to work every night will be an educational experience. On the down side, back to school I go! I have to get two special certifications in the next six months. CCRN and ACLS. But it’s for the best, it’s great to have both on my resume and change my title to CCRN from RN. This is the job every recent graduate dreams of, it opens doors to my future that help me live the life I want to live. So, that is that. I start December 13th.

Other than that, nothing new is going on. Friends are friends, no new boys and I’d rather there not be at this time with so much new work related stuff going on. I’ve been reading, a lot. I’ve finished the Sookie books, the Wolves of Mercy Falls series, watched a ton of movies, worked, baked lots of bread, and hung out with friends. I suppose I should write about the bonfire night and the revelation I had. Maybe later. I have cinnamon rolls ready to go in the oven and have to get to the store to buy ingredients for the frosting! Hope you all had a hearty Thanksgiving and lots to be thankful for.


I’m ready to sling a little mud

Dear Jerkfaces Mr. President and his constituents,

I currently live at the poverty line, I have lived on this line since graduating with a bachelors degree in 1997, and being unable to find a job that pays a single woman enough without selling my soul to the devil. But I’m a honest person, see, I pay my taxes, don’t play the system, I pay my bills, and I do everything myself, I earn it, the American way! I have busted my butt working full time, going to school full time to get yet another degree for the last 4 years and after months of searching for that first break into what is supposed to be the most lucrative career I finally got a break. I calculated my salary, figured out the rough percentage of taxes I pay now and applied that to my new pay check amount and did a happy dance. I thought “FINALLY I can drive a car that doesn’t have paint peeling off it, that doesn’t screech after every red light, that doesn’t rattle, that has all 4 windows able to roll down! I won’t have to choose what bills to pay in order to feed myself! I can afford to get medication for my aging pet cat who’s beginning to suffer of pain! Finally MY time has come! $17,000 more a year! I can breathe again.”

But then I found out something horrible Mr. President, the man I voted for, those tax increases you gave to the “wealthy”, aren’t just for the wealthy, they are all over the middle class I had hoped to become. That increase puts me in a nice new tax bracket where you will now take more than THREE time as much in taxes as I currently pay when my pay isn’t even close to double. Do you see where this leaves me? It leaves me working my fingers to the bone, at a job that should give me some pride, a sense of helping others, but yet will still leave me flat broke! I did all this for almost NOTHING! So what, now I can have a car payment, buy healthy food instead of the junk that is cheaper, afford some pain medicine for my cat, but I can’t buy a new home out of the bad neighborhood, I can’t move closer to my new job, I can’t fully breathe. I wonder, will I ever? I mean, after my first 2 years of training, where I’ll become a specialist in my medical field I’ll get a nice raise in pay again, but will you just increase my taxes again making that raise insignificant as well?

See, here’s the thing. I finally understand why people play the system, you can’t get ahead in this country unless you get extremely wealthy to the point no amount of taxes can hurt, or you play the system. I see now why the mother of 5 on welfare and food stamps can afford an iphone and a coach purse and I still carry a messaging phone and a purse from Aldo. I get it now, all this busting my ass to live an honest life is going to her! She works a minimum wage job at most, and gets free handouts for everything she needs to live, so her work money turns into fun money! My extra $700 a month I’ll pay in taxes is going to pay her rent, food, and medical bills.  I think I’ll give up my honorable career in nursing and go be a bar maid! Why am I being punished for being smart and honest? I don’t have kids because I can’t afford them! I’ll never be able to afford them! Not unless I decide to be a worthless drain on the system! So single women working hard, doing the right thing, are punished yet again in this country. I’m not using more government services because I am making more money, I will still use the exact same amount, and yet I have to pay more in? Where is my reward for busting my hump for years? Where is my tax break? I want my free housing, car, food, medical! And with your little healhcare plan, don’t get me started. If I’m too poor to afford insurance, how do you think it helps me to fine me? Where am I going to come up with that money? What kind of sick twisted bastard undead human are you Mr. President?

I challenge you to come live my life for a week, live on my salary, drive my shitty car that makes heads turn when the light turns green waiting for it to backfire, put yourself in my shoes and see how you like it! See if you still want to raise taxes to help the asshole nice immigrant who’s still working on his fake ID visa,  who stole 2 car stereos from our parking lot last week with more free stuff and tax breaks, not that he pays taxes. No, I get it, I understand poverty and why people choose to stay in it now. Spend a week in my shoes and you will too.

Oh, let me make another point while I’m in berating our president that I voted for. When the choice is the lesser of two evils, I made my choice. I won’t have some right wing, nut job, tea party, wolf shooting, psychopath telling me what I can do with my body as a woman, ever. I won’t have someone force religion on me in any setting, Religion is personal and the other party sought to make it public, forced, and then do horrible things in it’s name. I also can’t stand by someone who thinks it’s okay to shoot animals from an airplane in her state. It is NEVER okay. If there is a problem, it can be take care of in a humane way. It’s a matter of right and wrong. Not left and right. Its about what this country was founded upon, what our forefathers stood for, and none of this, not the democrats or the republicans are holding up that standard at the moment. You all disgust me, disappoint me, and leave me wishing there was some sense of pride left in saying I’m an American.

Sincerely, my libertarian loving ass,


p.s. I think my name has taken on new meaning tonight.


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