Posts Tagged ‘female


Being Alone

I stole this from KaPau! cause it’s great, and I like it, and cause she’s cool like that. Also because I’ve been spending some time with myself, kind of taking a break from dating, and running around like a socialite constantly obligated to some activity. It’s been nice. I bought New Moon yesterday, I’ll finish it today I’m sure. I’m mad at the book, I’m team Edward and he disappointed me, made me cry when he left Bella. But I won’t bore you all with my teenage fantasy book, lol. I was thinking of going somewhere alone today. Maybe I’ll go to the movies. I mean, I guess I should start some laundry and vacuum the house and mop, but after that I have the whole afternoon free. I frequently go for walks along in the woods, I guess I’m not totally alone, I bring my dog, but that usually leads to her running in the creeks, getting muddy and then I have to give her a bath, which she hates, and dodges by getting on my bed and making it muddy too. I think I’ll skip nature today and stick to civilization, it’s too hot anyway, when it cools off she can go hiking again. Maybe I’ll finish my book at starbucks, I could use some coffee this morning.

Old Kittah formerly Fat Kittah

I really shouldn’t be spending a lot of money right now, I have a lot of bills coming up. My dog is due for her annual check up and shots next month, my old cat is acting kinda funny and may have to go to the vet, might just be her arthritis hurting her. My car needs this squealy belt fixed and I may need new breaks. I got screwed over last place that did this for me, and thus is why 2 years later both have to be fixed again. I just got a check from the state, turns out I had “unclaimed property” in the sum of almost $600, from some old stock dividends my mom had in my name and transferred to me when I turned 18, we still aren’t sure why they didn’t roll over to the insurance policy or why they ended up with the state, the ins. company knows my address and contact info.  So both will use this up, if not a little more. But I think I can afford to throw in a cup of coffee today for the heck of it. Time to get in the showah if I’m going to do any of this today! Alone!



I woke up this morning with a huge zit on my left temple. Then I realized I was liking reading Twilight, a story of teen angst. Then I was craving chocolate when I wasn’t even hungry and bought 3 cookies and ate them all along with a sweet tea, and I have no sweet tooth. Then my friend posted some adoption video that was funny on facebook, I cried and laughed at the same time. And to top it off, as I post this my right foot is cramping up into charliehorse position of spread toes and excruciating pain.

I don’t think I’m getting much done tonight. I pity the fool that calls me tonight. Pity da foo! I think I’ll finish this beer and read the rest of Twilight and try to avoid anything else emotional.


Men… never say

This is my cat Jack, he's an asshole, he's tormenting his sisters

the word “pussy” in your first conversation with a woman, ugh… it’s so tacky. And especially don’t start talking about sex and making her “squirt cum” in the first 10 minutes… SERIOUSLY! Where do I meet these people? That is called “dirty talk” and something you do when involved in certain more sexual moments, not upon first conversing with someone. I’m so skeeved out right now. And on top of it, this guy is so needy, desperate, it’s just totally not attractive. Throw in a 6 in. goatee, too many tattoos to count, and a voice like he’s smoked 4 packs of cigarettes a day for 40 years at only 30 something years old…. no thanks. I see “future dirty biker dude” written all over this guy.

And.. BIG AND, I know the tell a girl you want a relationship, you want to get married, have kids, grow old with someone, think you win her over and then go straight to the sex talk and try to get laid bit! It’s NOT going to happen dude! Not with me, EVER!

I know I’m supposed to have this new found compassion, love for all people thing goin on here, but there are just somethings I can’t get down with. This is NOT someone I could bring around my parents, this isn’t even someone I could clean up and tell not to cuss around my parents. This is someone my parents would see on tv when I was a kid and say “stay away from people like that!”. Sorry dude, you may know 100 famous musicians, and talk about how they fuck women back stage, and then the next sentence say what nice great guys they are, if you don’t think I see that you are what you hang around, you didn’t see me comin! Other girls may fall for all the smooth talk, but I am NOT other girls! I am NOT impressed by musicians, famous people, hanging around famous people, expensive clothing, and all that crap. There is not one celebrity I’d hit it with… ok, maybe Johnny Depp, but he’s a one woman man, which is maybe why he’s so attractive.

Why do I get the feeling this won’t be the last we hear of rocker boy? they always want what they can’t have…


My biggest dating mistakes

I won’t pretend this is an original idea for a blog, especially since I stole it from here… But I think the list is a good idea, maybe, just maybe, I’ll learn something from it and stop making these same damn mistakes again!

1. Potential– we’ve all done it. “he has so much potential”. Potential is the biggest load of crap reason to date someone or justify attraction. If you want to bang someone, just do it, don’t give him relationship potential and get all attached. If he doesn’t have it NOW, or isn’t working actively towards it in the very near future (not says he is, but really is), it will NEVER happen. Give up the dream. Potential doesn’t exist.

2. Sex– Having sex too soon when I want a commitment or long term relationship. Or acting like I am cool with what ever he wants to do, we don’t have to be exclusive. I’m not ok with casual sex for myself. I know I can’t sleep with someone for at least a month if I expect him to stick around for more than 3 fucks. But I do make this mistake over and over because I’m a slave/bitch to my hormones, and well, you know what they say about women in their 30’s? Well it’s not true, it’s worse than what they say and worse than you can imagine unless you are in my age group.

3. Words– not saying things to their face. Emails and texts are not the way to express your feelings to a man. Honestly, it’s easier, but I think that means I am not facing myself and my true feelings if I can’t face him. BAD.IDEA. I think in the future, if I’m wanting to say it in email or text, I’ll know it’s not real, it’s real when I can say it to his face and not puke. That’s love!

4. Fix you — I can NOT fix someone. I can’t help them get a job. I can’t change their personality. I can’t repair the heartbreak that makes them untrusting or have a vendetta against the opposite sex. I can’t change how they view women.

5. Not loving myself enough– big mistake. Comparing myself to their ex’s, other people they are dating, younger, skinnier, straighter teeth, smoother skin, tanner, smarter, and sexier women. There is NOTHING wrong with me, I’m beautiful, smart, sexy, caring, nurturing, adventurous, fun and more! Why wouldn’t someone want me?

6. Desperation — This is the biggest one. No, I’m not desperate to have a man in my life. People kept saying “don’t act desperate, it will scare a man away” and I kept thinking, “but I’m not desperate to have a man in my life, I’m happy alone, it’s easier that way”. Well folks, there are 2 kinds of desperation out there, I wasn’t aware of this until last night. Desperate to have a man, and desperate to not get hurt. I’m the latter. At 22 when my heart was broken, shattered and stomped on by the only man I ever truly loved in my life, I vowed to never let that happen again. I built walls to keep men out, tests to see if they would do the same as my ex, learned mind games to keep them just far enough away they couldn’t hurt me, really hurt me, the way he did. I got so good at it, I didn’t know I was doing it, I forgot. It’s been 13 years of doing this, self protection, and it’s funny that it’s such a self fulfilled prophecy. As soon as I liked someone, I was so desperate to not get hurt, I became a doormat so they wouldn’t leave, then played games subconsciously so they would before I liked them and fell in love. That folks is deep, and very fucked up. One of my very best friends in the world, heirloomgardengirl, always says I was too tough on men, put up too many walls. She was right, I was in denial, and denial my friends is the most powerful coping mechanism there is! No one but yourself can break it down.

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August 2019
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