Posts Tagged ‘men

29
May
11

Addiction


ad·dic·tion

[uh-dik-shuhn]

–noun

the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming, as narcotics, to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma.
Nope, not addicted to drugs, or booze, or shopping, I’m addicted to a frickin man. I can’t stop. I knew it was going to be like this the minute I met him, the first time I saw him I just knew. No, I didn’t see him and lust and think “omg, this is the hottest guy ever”, but I was drawn to him, kept looking and wondering why. Then we started talking and couldn’t stop talking. It’s been like that ever since. Every day, and the few days we don’t spend hours on the phone, it’s like withdrawal. I have imaginary conversations with him as I lay in bed.
I didn’t want this! I avoided this! I told him I’m a mess when it comes to relationships, I suck, and don’t really know why anyone would want one with me. But he keeps calling me, talking to me and now has plans to come visit me in July. Which scares me for many reasons. What if when he gets here I pull my typical sudden freak out and just don’t want him here anymore? Don’t say I won’t, cause I’ve done it before. When  guy invades my space for even two days I tend to freak out and never want to see him again, especially when I see no out of him going home. I can’t not do it, it just happens, and I can’t not hurt the person. Which with this guy, puts me in a weird situation with him being my brother in laws best friend!
On the other hand, what if I want him to stay? What if I want him to never leave? What if I fall for him even more so than I already am? I’m already waiting for the ball to drop on that one, the one where he decides he doesn’t like me anymore. The one where my heart breaks for the hundredth time and I go back to that bad place I have been too many times before.
I know I need to discuss all this with him, but I feel like there are certain things that should be said in person, except I’d hate for him to waste his money flying out here only to say “wow, you really are messed up, maybe we just shouldn’t go there” and then it’s all weird the rest of the trip. So I’m finding myself being forced to have this conversation via phone even though I don’t want to. I don’t want to have to say “be careful with my heart”, I want to be cool and easy going and just go with the flow and enjoy what’s happening. But, easy going girl is just not who I am I guess.
I wish I could just let everything in my past go and relax. But that girl is gone when it comes to my heart being on the line. So here I go, trying to find the right words to even begin this conversation.
28
Sep
10

There baaaack…


Why must my single life feel like a scene from a suspenseful movie? It’s like you went to the movie knowing it’s going to be like this, you hear the music of impending doom, yet you still become startled at the moment of the kill.

They always come back, every stupid guy I date that screws up and pulls whatever crap he pulls, comes back. Like my sister, I suppose I’m cursed as well. First I’ll update on her ex-situation. The one that called her a few weeks ago that is. She called back, to find the number disconnected. A few days later he called again, this time she was at home with her fiance and he got her to call again. So he apologizes like he’s in a twelve step program for what he did to her, her fiance is on speaker phone the whole time, and realizes why the dude is calling isn’t an apology, he wants her back. Long story short, he said “holy crap, they really do all come back!” As if he didn’t believe us. I guess at this point in the story, you want to know which one of my slimy ex’s came back?

I saw it coming, when I signed back up for okcupid for the whole friends thing, he was circling my profile like a shark every few days, I guess hoping I’d see it and jump in the water for him to bite. Boy is he wrong! Screw me once, shame on you, screw me twice, shame on me. Apparently Brown also doesn’t know the saying, once bitten twice shy, either. So a few nights ago, he wrote me on there, I only checked it this morning because I was up before dawn with a dog that had to pee so bad she couldn’t wait, so I was awake, and bored. I should have stuck with watching True Blood, at least those vampires only suck your blood.

You really are a very very nice and sweet women, your very pretty and your alot of fun to be around I just thought you should know that…

This is the drunken message I got, I forgot to look to see what time it was when it was sent on the 26th, but I’m betting it was the wee hours of the morning after a very bad date. I find it funny that he felt the need to tell me things I already know about myself instead of apologize. More games I suppose, not that I didn’t expect it. See unlike my sister, my guys rarely apologize, and they don’t take four years to come back, usually it’s around four to nine weeks. Out of the three men I dated more than casually this year, all three have come back now. Darn, what do I have to look forward to for the rest of the year?

Okay, back to Brown and this stupid message. I haven’t replied, not sure that I will, or what I’d say, I need time to think about it. Since I now have the upper hand again, I intend to keep it, and replying so soon after reading it and feeling my heart accelerate with anger, I could easily blurt out something without thinking and lose hand again, and I’d really like to make him suffer. After all, revenge is a dish best served cold. I’ll think about it today, and as always take all comments into consideration. I know some of the best evil minds reside on this blog, so any advice is greatly appreciated, even if you don’t want to be evil in helping me plot revenge, feel free to speak up. I wonder though, do I care enough to get revenge? Maybe I’ll just get bored enough this week and do it for the sake of something interesting to do. I also noticed in this message the “alot” monster was set loose, which made me giggle and revisit her blog. Have a great day everyone!

16
Sep
10

Hello Captain Oblivious


I swear, I didn't make this, apparently someone else knows him too

I finally came up with a nickname for J. He is now, “Captain Oblivious”, this is of course of his own willingness to admit how oblivious he is to subtle cue’s of human interaction, especially when dealing with the fairer sex. Last night he called to explain about “The Uniform”, having to do with how a man chooses to dress when he goes out. They must either don the uniform or they look like a manager at best buy. There is more to it than that, but, lets get to the heart of why he is CO to me now.

CO proceeded to tell me some dating failure stories that frankly, didn’t seem THAT oblivious to me, but a few were more so than others. Maybe because of his age and relative nativity at the time I find it easy to accept.

First story is about a girl he knew for a while and was friends with, or so he thought. She started calling him at 3 a.m. to come over and “hang out”, now I know what everyone thinks… Three a.m. = booty call right? That is my clear interpretation of it as well, I’d never call someone at that hour unless I was serioiusly in distress and couldn’t be alone, or needed a ride home because I really couldn’t drive, but I wouldn’t ask them to stay, and not in my bed. You see where I’m going with this? CO was called to “hang out” and stay the night, even invited to stay in her bed with him, to which he didn’t undress in the slightest and each inch she crept closer to him he crept closer to the edge of the bed, until in fact, he fell off. The next time she did this, she went to go “change” and came back in her bra and panties and clued him in stating, how she could be more obvious. So… okay, I’ll give him that one, three a.m. “hang out”, sleep in my bed, is a clear signal of a booty call, hell the Black Eyed Peas have a song about it. Hello Captain Oblivious!

He told me about a story of when he was a freshman in college and during a dorm party, people would put coats and such items in a “nonparty” room. A girl had put her stuff in his room, and through out the part kept needing to go get various items, alone… with him. I’m guessing she had been flirting pretty obviously with him, but he didn’t catch the cue’s. End of the night comes around and as her friends are leaving her behind and he’s asking if she’s okay to walk home alone, she runs off with a scowl, leaving him thinking she’s mad at her friends. Uh.. nope, mad at him, for being so oblivious to her signals. Pretty funny I think as he found out the next day how angry she was.

There is another story about a girl he hung out with a lot for quite a long time in fact, he thought again, just friends. But they’d go out, nothing romantic would happen, and eventually one night she was too drunk to drive home, so he had her stay at his apartment. I hope I remember this right, but somehow he was kind of thrown against the wall and once again, asked how he could be so oblivious, and asked what he wanted. Clothes came off, he was speechless. This story I can sympathize with most, I think, in such a situation, I’d be somewhat clueless as well. I look at this situation as if him and I were friends and he did this with me, seriously, I’m pretty perceptive of how people feel, but if there was no prior physical attempts at affection, it would catch me totally off guard. But I think in prior blogs we’ve established someone just suddenly wanting casual sex from me, or going straight to a sexual relationship from out of nowhere isn’t my style, I guess other people do, maybe I’m clueless too for not ever quite understanding how that works.

Now, as a woman, I suppose I’m different in some ways, and pretty typical in others. I’m not likely to make the first move as far as physical affection outside of friendship type affection. I’m also not typical in that I’m not subtle when I do like someone, and am more than likely to make my intentions known up front. If someone hasn’t responded to subtle cues within a few hours, I’m likely to ask “well aren’t ya gonna kiss me?”, but they would also know, before we were in that setting if this was a date, or just friendship I was seeking. I try to be clear about my intentions with everyone up front. Not that people don’t change their minds, we all do it, I know it’s a woman’s prerogative to change her mind, I do it almost hourly about everything, as witnessed by many here.

No, I’m not trying to make CO feel better. He is oblivious, to some extent, and well… I’m not so sure I’m much better, at least at some of these situations. I mean, if someone says we are friends, that is my assumption until they tell me or show me CLEARLY otherwise. And then, if some dynamic of a relationship has changed, into more, or less, I want to talk about it, set clear boundaries, know what the intentions are. I mean, I’ve said it over and over again in my blog, I don’t understand what is so hard about being honest and just talking to people, it really would avoid so many misunderstandings in life. I think my clear cut way of dealing with people avoids a lot of bullshit, but also leaves me caught off guard at times when other people aren’t so clear with intentions. I’ve told CO my intentions with him are friendship, someone to do fun things with, and honestly, as selfish as it is, he makes me feel better. I wonder however, what he gets out of this from me? Huh… that just occurred to me to be curious.

I’ll send him the link to this, so he can comment further on the state of oblivion he lives in, and defend himself, it’s only fair. But, along with the link is more insight into how batshitcrazy I really am, more depth into the things that happened recently, not all of it, but some more than I’ve been able to offer, or care to discuss at the moment. I may post more later on other subjects going on in my life, yes, I do have other things, hush people, I know I’ve secluded myself a bit lately, but I’m working on it. Work has been so busy this week I’ve had little idle time to do much writing as I would like, or to even look for a job. What time I do have, we’ll blame wasting it on emailing CO back and forth. Hey, gotta have priorities right?

20
Aug
10

Coward


Main Entry: coward

Part of Speech: noun

Definition: person who is scared, easily intimidated

Synonyms: alarmist, baby, caitiff, chicken heart, chicken liver, chicken, craven, cur, dastard, deserter, faint-of-heart, faintheart, fraidy-cat, funk, gutless, invertebrate, jellyfish, lily liver, malingerer, mouse, pessimist, poltroon, quitter, rabbit, recreant, scaredy cat, shirk, shirker, skulker, sneak, weakling, white liver, wimp, yellow belly, yellow.

My favorite of these are lily liver and yellow belly. Those are just a few words I can use to describe at least 90% of the men I’ve dated, my friends have dated, hell that my mother has married. My friend Vol was dating my neighbor Deere. They met back in May at my graduation party, he was instantly smitten with her, almost speechless around her. She was hesitant about him because well, he’s 25 and she’s older, and she’s just come out of some pretty rough times of her own with an abusive husband she’s still in hiding from. Deere was stuck to her like glue, for months, I rarely saw him come home except to get clean clothes to go back to her house. Then while she was on vacation at the beach with her mother he was home, then when she got back, he was different. She said he barely talked to her while she was gone and when she asked why, he grew even more distant. After I talked with his roommate, aka. my hairdresser and awesome, she said Deere thought Vol was about to drop the “L” bomb! hahahahahah. Maybe Vol was going to drop the L bomb, but she denies it to me. So Vol has a talk with Deere, and tries to clear the air of all pressure on him. A week later after things had been normal again, he stops calling, answering her calls, and even ignores her when she’s sitting next to him in traffic and honks at him and calls! He refuses to acknowledge she exists suddenly. I don’t know why, I really don’t care, he’s too much of a coward to end a relationship with a woman he’s spent at least 5 nights a week with for several moths, he officially SUCKS.

They haven’t talked in 2 weeks, she came over last Friday and Saturday. I saw him Thur. night when I walked the dog the last time and said “look, I know you don’t want to talk about this, but Vol is coming over tomorrow night and it would be nice if you two could exchange personal property with out it being uncomfortable, how about you just leave her stuff on my patio and she’ll do the same with yours?” he agreed. Friday night, he didn’t leave her stuff, so she didn’t deliver his. He was home, she was freaked. I encouraged her to go over there, knock on the door, and ask him to come out and go for a walk and talk to her like a man. I mean, come on, this is the stupidest thing EVER. What grown ass man does this crap. Oh ya, I forget, ALL OF THEM! Seriously… grow a pair dude.

The worst part, what I know would happen if she did this, he would lie to her, tell her he’s sorry and they should work things out, he still cares about her and everything is ok and he’ll call her tomorrow. Then, he’d do the SAME.DAMN.THING! He’d go right back to ignoring avoiding her at all costs. Pathetic. All she wants is closure. Why don’t men get that? Closure shouldn’t be so hard to give us. Why is it so hard to tell us that you aren’t interested in us anymore? You don’t have to analyze it to death, if you don’t want to tell us why, don’t, but tell us it’s over, have some balls man! And then you wonder why you think all women are crazy? why all your ex’s are crazy? HELLO? REALLY? You don’t think it has ANYTHING, everything to do with the disappearing act? the avoidance? the “fraidy-cat, lily liver, invertebrate, jellyfish” manner in which YOU handle things with us?

Main Entry: cur

Part of Speech: noun

Definition: rotten, lowly animate being

Synonyms: black sheep, blackguard, bum, cad, coward , dog, good-for-nothing, heel, hound, ne’er-do-well, rat, riffraff, scoundrel, scum, skunk, snake, stinker, toad, villain, worm, wretch, yellow dog.

Maybe these are better terms for the kind of men I’m speaking of? But what I want to know is, are there any other kind? Do the real men we fantasize about as women really exist at all? I thought some men wrote movies, they write the characters that women want to be with, they know what we want, and yet where are these men? Maybe I’m delusional, maybe they are all married already, maybe they just don’t live in this country. I really have no idea anymore. And this isn’t just about closure, it’s about romance too. So many men and yes women too, are so scared to reveal their emotions, for fear they will make the other person run and do what Deere did to my friend. We shouldn’t have to be afraid of that, it just seems so utterly ridiculous to me that adults act this way. Why can’t a man allow himself to fall for a woman without over thinking it to death, why can’t the woman let him with out freaking out and running? And why can’t the woman when she falls back be allowed to show it? Where is the everlasting devotion in this century?

I know I’ve blogged about how I’m broken, I really am, I have nothing left to give to anyone at this point. I have spent most of my life giving and giving to my friends, always being there for them in their hour of need, I finally hit the point of nothing left to give to anyone. I think I’m glad my true friends recognize this about me and are there for me right now, they are giving to me now that I need it, and I appreciate it, but it still doesn’t change the emptiness I feel inside, no matter how great they are. You can’t warm a heart that doesn’t exist anymore. I go through the motions every day, doing what is expected of me, putting on a smile and fake conversation at work, try to hang out with friends, but really no one wants to hang out with someone who has nothing to say, nothing to give back. THIS ^ above what I talked about it, is part of it, being fed up.

Main Entry:     hopeless

Part of Speech:     adjective

Definition:     futile, pessimistic

Synonyms:     bad, beyond recall, cynical, dejected, demoralized, despairing, desperate, despondent, disconsolate, discouraging, downhearted, fatal, forlorn, gone, goner, helpless, ill-fated, impossible, impracticable, in despair, incurable, irredeemable, irreparable, irreversible, irrevocable, lost, menacing, no-win, past hope, pointless, sad, shot down, sinister, sunk, threatening, tragic, unachievable, unavailing, unfortunate, unmitigable, up the creek, useless, vain, woebegone, worsening.

I’m not sure what I will get out of writing today’s blog, probably nothing more than a way for me to whine and vent and let go of some of the anger building inside me. I suppose anger is better something, it’s not emptiness. But soon after the anger resides, I’m hollow again.

16
Aug
10

Broken


That is what I am now. I understand the hole in my chest I’m feeling now. I’ve been knocked down so many times, had my heart broken so many times, it’s now shattered, too many tiny pieces to try to put it back together again, I can’t get back up again. With each piece that was left I tried to get back up, use what was left to make it whole again, like a lizard regrows a tail, until finally, every last part is broken, gone and there is nothing left to regrow. That is the hole. It’s not a specific person or heartbreak, it’s the sum of all of them, even the little disappointments, chipping away, what I thought was mending was only going to take another sliver. I just don’t have the strength to get back up again.

This doesn’t come from recent heartbreak, it’s not from Brown, I never loved him, I barely liked him, he was though, another disappointment, the last little speck of my heart that was left, was spent trying to like him, to regrow the heart I had once upon a time. I expressed my pain to all men in my letter to him, the one I never sent and posted on here. He was however never worthy of my love, not that I had any left to give. I gave my last bit of love, my heart, to Mr. NY, and although I believe he did love me in return, he ruined that piece I gave to him, crushed it with lies and manipulation. I told him goodbye, he left the country, and those fences are not ones that can be mended. What’s done is done and I don’t regret saying what I said.

Yes, I burn, yearn, ache for true love. I fear, I know, if it finds me, I’m too broken that I’ll have nothing left to give. That part of me is missing, and I can’t share that anywhere but here. So I’ve come to a conclusion that I have to move. There is nothing left for me here, moving here in the first place was a mistake. It’s contributed to crushing what little spirit I had left in me, and all the love I had left was also lost here. I can’t look at this place anymore, I hope that if I can get far far away, some shred of who I am can be found and rebuilt. This is something I know I need to do, I need to do it alone, and maybe if I can’t rebuild who I was, I can start from scratch and build a new me, but I can’t do it here.

“There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief…and unspeakable love.” — Washington Irving

07
Aug
10

Lots of thinking today


There was a picture on here of me, but since my blog was recently forwarded to me by someone on facebook that didn’t read back or realize it was my blog but was just forwarding a funny post of mine, I had to delete all personal stuff that could be tracked back to me, sorry. 😦

This morning’s email did a number on me, initial reaction was that I’m mad, I still am mad, but I am getting over it. It was better for me to have said what I said than to cling to any hope he would do what he said he was doing, or to forget he’s a liar. I think the reason I fell so hard for him was that no one has said the things he said to me in such a long time. I miss that, even if it wasn’t true and he was just a manipulator. I miss someone being in love with me, saying beautiful things to me, dedicating songs to me. It felt a lot like first love, like I had never felt like that before. Remember when you were young/er, and you had that first spark of real love with a guy that had it back with you? Remember how you both couldn’t get enough of touching each other, not in a dirty way, but breathing each other in.

The best way I can describe it is in reference to Twilight, I just read it last week, and I haven’t ever read anyone describe falling in love quite the way it is in this book. I can’t even accurately describe how she describes it. The way Edward touches Bella, it evokes a feeling of realness. When I was with Mr. NY, that is how he made me feel. And it was fun, the wrestling, tickling, private jokes, laughter, secrets we told each other, looking into each others eyes and promising that we’d be together forever.  I can still feel that, just a little for him when I remember the good times. When I fell for him he said he was scared to get hurt, but “you separate the men from the boys by those that are willing to try again”. I had tears in my eyes from something someone said to me, that has NEVER happened to me. That was one of 100 beautiful things he said to me. He was if anything, a smooth talker.

But reality sinks in, and it’s like a thousand bricks come tumbling down with a loud crash, and what I’m left with is nothing but lies and disbelief, and a lot of dust. I want that feeling back damn it! I deserve to have that feeling back! I’m angry he did this to us, to me! Mostly, I’m angry at myself. I realize I had a wall up for 12 years after my first love broke my heart. This guy didn’t tear it down, he climbed over it. When he hurt me, it came crashing down as I realized that even having that wall up all this time didn’t protect me from someone who knew how to scale it, that was a professional climber and thief. The realization that I can be hurt, just as bad, if not more, if I kept the wall up, and continued to lie to myself, finally tore it down.

this was my cold black heart

So I become someone else, someone new. I’m not sure who the new me is yet. I’m not sure how to love someone, I don’t know what it should feel like when someone is honest with me and doesn’t have to work to climb a wall to get to my heart. I am glad this happened though, it awoke my heart. I had forgotten what it was like to fall in love with someone. Before him, I was so bitter, so jaded, I swore I’d never get married, that marriage was for suckers. It was a good defense mechanism, it served it’s purpose to get me through school and what I needed at the time. It also probably destroyed a few attempts at relationships over the last few years. I realize my friends, family, hell even people reading this may hate Mr. NY now. But I can see something good come out of this in the end. Me.

Going through all this, new found heart I guess you could call it, has me at a place in my life I’ve never been before. I think I’m ok with it though, not knowing what will happen next. It feels kind of out of my control, which isn’t a feeling I’ve ever liked, but I let it go, and somehow, I still feel ok not having control. I kind of feel like a weight has been lifted, I feel carefree.

06
Aug
10

Law of Attraction? or not?


Thinking about the article below, how it’s affected my relationships with the opposite sex, it brings me back to this whole self fulfilling prophecy thing again. The only issue I have with the Universal Law of Attraction is that I fear for myself at least, keeping such a positive focus on the future and what I want, would I not become prone to having the proverbial wool pulled over my eyes so to speak? Yet, looking for signs as I do, that someone is lying, being deceptive, and keeping my guard up, does that not according to this hypothesis bring just that into my life? This is my struggle right now. I want to be positive, it’s in my nature to want to be trusting and to want the beautiful perfect life, but am I a fool to not self protect a little?

I have thought about this with regards to the last few attempted relationships. Mr. NY, when I was open to anything, to happiness, he fell in love with me (or at least said he did), but when I worried because he went home and his behavior changed slightly after 24 hours, he became the liar I had thought he would be. Next up were a string of guys I dated casually that met all of my expectations of being scum bags. Then there was “Napoleon” (ya, he was short), he was really awesome, but like most short men, lied about his height, when we met, even though I liked him, I knew getting over Mr. NY that I was bound to rebound and hurt the next guy, so what did I do? exactly what I thought, found a nice guy, hurt him, and moved on. Then Brown comes along, I was back to healed, open, dating, and seeing what was out there, being objective. I wasn’t turned off by him, but didn’t really have any thoughts on him in particular. He didn’t seem overly zealous over me, which was a relief, but I did want to get to know him. Once we had the “horrible sex”, the way too soon sex, my mind went to worrying that it was too soon, that he’d now freak out and move on. It was exactly what happened, and I don’t think had I not worried about it, had I been cas. about it, he probably would have been too. I won’t even bring up the gay man, ok, I will, I think Browns conventional views and having a problem openly with my open minded views made me look for someone, subconsciously the opposite, and the gay man that participated in mass orgies, was JUST that! Then S shows up, after Brown lied to me about being busy working when he was really on okcupid. S is the epitome of a liar, I think after the last few experiences with liars, I was in the mindset all men are liars, but really, not like this. Nothing S told me was true I don’t think, he was a sick sick individual. Did I invite all of this? Can I reverse any of it? What are your thoughts?  I’d like to hear what other people think about the power of thoughts and what their balance is.

The Universal Law of Attraction
By Mohammed | January 11, 2007

It’s a common phenomenon. Almost everyone can relate. You start looking for a new car, something special, something not like anyone else’s, something unusual. You pick out what seems to be a unique, unusual choice of a special red car and all of a sudden, there it is– your red car, the one you thought was only yours. It’s on every street corner. It is at every stoplight. You see three of these red cars just driving down the freeway. You never saw these cars before. What happened? How did all of these people get your unique red car at the same time?

Well the fact of the matter is that your brain is seeing the red cars that were always there. Since you picked out this car for yourself, that car has become special for you and now you are noticing what was really there all along.

It’s called the “Reticular Activation System” or RAS. It is the part of your brain that automatically filters out what is not important to you and brings your attention to things that are important to you. We all have it. Many a Mom will tell you that they can pick out their own child’s voice within the chorus of many children’s voices. A Mom will be sleeping soundly through noise from many directions and her baby makes a small whimper and she’s wide-awake. Our brains automatically filter what is important and what is not important to us.

Basically the Reticular Activation System is how the Law of Attraction works. We get what we focus on; we create what we think about and the RAS system of our brains just helps this process along.

There are so many misconceptions regarding the Law of Attraction. It seems odd that if this is a Universal Law why people tend to argue with it. Nobody argues with gravity. Of course, gravity is not nearly so misunderstood.

The Law of Attraction is not a new concept. It has been with us since ancient times, which only makes sense if it is a Universal Law. It is mentioned in the Bible
“For as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he”
Proverbs 23:7

Buddha taught about the Law of Attraction
“All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think we become”
Buddha 562-483 B.C.

In the early part of the 20th century many books were written about the Law of Attraction, such as “As a Man thinketh” by James Allen, “The Master Key” by Charles Haanel and one of the most popular books of all time “Think and Grow Rich” by Napoleon Hill.

Yet there are those who still argue and express their disbelief. A common argument is that proponents of the Law of Attraction claim that all they have to do is think their lofty thoughts and all of their dreams come true. This could not be further from the truth. The thoughts create the opportunities and the ideas AND the motivation and inspiration to take the ACTION to make it come true.

The Joy in creating comes from developing and dreaming in your own mind but a large part of the FUN of creating comes from the Action taken. Not many achievers are content to sit on the beach and dream of success. There is no fun and there is no challenge in that. It’s a joy to dream the dream, to be attracted to the way and to take the action to make your dreams come true. Sitting on the beach daydreaming may be fun for an hour or two but how boring to live a life like that. Taking action to create your dreams is where the fun and joy in creating comes, not just from the dreams in your own mind.

So Dream the Dream and your RAS will take over and you will be inspired and guided on the right action to take. Take the Action and the Law of Attraction will bring your dream to you.

This article is included in the January 21, 2007 edition of the The Personal Development

03
Aug
10

Lies


Does anyone tell the truth anymore? Why would you want to start a relationship based on lies? After the whole “you don’t get my texts” crap, he’s decided it’s best to just call me. Honestly, I prefer real communication on the phone, so that is fine, and if that is your preference, just say so. I get that things get misunderstood by text, so I try to limit it in any relationship. But S called me today while I was at work, I had to hit ignore, and called him back when I got home. He told me how he just bid on a guitar on ebay and won for $500. Then the next sentence said how broke he was and had to sell a few things… ??? wait… what? Last time we talked he told me he worked 4 months a year and got paid a years salary. Last night I found out he has 2 roommates. Now I wonder, do I want to meet this guy? A 33 yr. old man that needs roommates? Then he brags about driving in his convertible mustang a few minutes later. I’m truly confused. He also brought up they are opening an Adam and Eve store in our little town, I guess trying to turn the conversation to sex. Which I find highly inappropriate at this point in knowing him, other than to say, I’m not having sex with you.

What do I think right now? I think he lies. I think he is hiding things. I don’t think I want to meet him now. I was looking forward to meeting him, now… eh… not really. I think he thought he could be the player, he could hit it and quit it. I don’t think he knows that I’m on to him yet. I told him how I busted the other guy that I talked to trying to impress me and talking inappropriately, so he’s having to change his strategy and he’s in uncharted territory since that is his usual game. I don’t like this. He was going into Target, said he’d call me back, I kind of hope he doesn’t. I hope he doesn’t follow through and ask me on a date. It would be easier for me if he flaked out and I didn’t have to tell him I don’t want to meet him, or for me to not have to start a line of questioning like a detective to find out the truth… This is why I hate dating.

Before anyone says “boohoo Women lie too”. I’m aware they do, but I don’t! I am me, I am upfront and honest about everything in my life. I’d rather say “I prefer not to talk about that” than to lie to someone. And I certainly don’t lie up front to impress someone. Yet every man in my life for the last year has been a HUGE liar! I really can’t take much more of this. What do I do to meet quality men? Do I HAVE to go to church? I mean, I don’t even believe in organized religion, but if I have to go to church to meet someone who doesn’t lie every other word, I’ll do it! I mean it! Maybe a matchmaker is a better idea? Don’t they screen the men for you? I’m so over meeting random people where ever and trying to find out about them and how much they lie. Really…

02
Aug
10

red flags?


So this guy “S”, lets call him, got my number before I deleted my okcupid account. We talked a little, then I replied to one of his texts and never heard from him again. Until last night when he called. He’s playing the “I texted you twice” card, then the “I guess my phone sucks”. I have NEVER really heard of someone not getting texts. I mean, I’ve yet to see his phone, maybe if it’s ancient, there could be an issue, but more than likely, he’s lying. That is the first red flag I’ve seen. To me it’s a huge one though. My neighbor Deere did that to my friend Vol when he was dating her. But his roommate told me he gets them all right away, he just tells her he didn’t because he doesn’t want to talk to her. He thinks she likes him too much. Ugh… men, mind games are BAD. So when S played that card with me, I said “I’ve never heard of anything like that happening, I’ve gotten texts all day, there is nothing wrong with my phone, and the most ancient phones can still send a text”. I’m NOT letting anyone get away with that game, he knows I think he’s lying.

Second red flag… he starts talking about the women who have online profiles. The fake ones first, he says he messaged one and she was rude to him, so the told her off for being a fake profile. Then he says how the girls that say “I want a nice guy” drive him crazy because they don’t know what they want and when presented with a nice guy they treat him like shit and hurt him. So he just messages them and tells them off to destroy them. I am feeling that he doesn’t deal well with rejection. Clearly he’s been hurt, and I know men love revenge, they need that rebound girl, they need to feel like they taught someone a lesson for hurting them. The question is, just how bad off is this guy? Is he out to crush someone? He doesn’t talk bad about all women, he has a female roommate, who strangely enough is from the same place as me, grew up on the same roads, all that, but is 15 years younger than me and moved here with her boyfriend. We chatted while he was in the bathroom last night, she’s a sweet young girl, she was fascinated that we went to the same Jr. High, but I was there before she was born.

He says he’ll call tonight, if he does, I need to find out some important issues, to see how he will treat me. His parents, are they together still, how does his father treat his mom, what’s his relationship with his mom? This is the biggest indicator of how he will be in a relationship. Not that it’s the tell all, people can actively choose to not be like their parents when they come from a less than ideal situation. But it’s rare. There is a lot to consider and when you ask questions and quietly sit back and let someone’s mouth fly, you learn a lot about them, especially when they are nervous. I’m going to play the therapist role and get him talking, and do some “active listening” next time we talk. I want to see just what motivates this guy, what he’s looking for, not what he says he’s looking for, but what he REALLY is doing online. I also want to know how burned he is by women.

What sucks is that I have to screen so carefully, that there are so many messed up people out there, I don’t want to be like this, I really don’t. But I’m tired of the same old crap, different day, in my life. I’m done settling for less, I deserve the best because I give the best. A lot of men say I ask too much, I just ask them, if I have all these wonderful qualities, why shouldn’t I expect a man to as well? Why don’t these men want to step up and be the best man they can be if I want to be the best woman I can be? At least it’s easy to weed these men out fast!

29
Jul
10

Ladies, it’s YOUR FAULT you are single!


Please note the sarcasm in the title ladies, no need to tell me off, I’m on your side, mostly. If you have done online dating, or hell, have a facebook page, you have seen the ad’s for these self proclaimed dating and relationship gurus. They are going to tell you how to catch and keep your man, and why the love of your life bolted. Then they are going to tell you how to fix it…. for a small fee of course. Plus you need to buy their book… and all 7 of their programs on DVD… and of course, don’t forget to subscribe to their newsletter so they can pitch every new product they have at you on a daily basis.

This is my new project to help men with their dating issues, you know you love it!

Ok, so I was curious, just why do men take off when things get serious? And could these self proclaimed gurus’s have any insight? I mean, I was just under the impression men weren’t as self actualized as women, and of course, the dangley things between their legs make them act like pigs. Who knew it was such an in depth subject that we needed this much information! After all, Evan Marc Katz, one of the coaches newsletters said “We men care about two main things: Are you sexy? Are you fun to be around? If you are, we’re coming back for more.” REALLY? That is all there is to it? Wow, I should be swarming with engagement proposals if that’s the case! Huh… so why is it that the men in my life keep getting scared? Well according to Christian Carter it’s because I tried to talk to them, about feeeeeeelings! GASP! *insert me singing “feeeeelllings” right here* Who ever heard of adults acting like adults and talking? I should have not tried to talk to them. I should have played coy, hard to get, not ever called them, or done anything nice for them, and acted like a stripper on a pole all day long… THAT is what men want according to him! Because according to him, it’s MY fault when a man bolts.

Let me say that I do know I’m accountable for some of the times when a man has bolted from me. I clearly see where I’ve gone wrong. The funny thing is, men act needy and clingy too and I’m the one that bolts from them. Believe me, I know all about a level 4 clinger and have had to deal with dumping one, it’s not easy. I also have dated some men that are mature normal and capable of talking about a relationship and where it’s going without being scared. What I don’t like about what these people are saying is that it is the woman’s fault, we are yet to take on another burden, we are now supposed to be responsible for someone else, their emotional maturity, insecurities, and commitment issues.

Christian Carter said today that after a guy starts to distance himself from you, you have 2 choices “Choice #1) Try Talking To Him” or “Choice #2) Inspire His Devotion Again”…. Riiiiiiigggghhhhtttt… because you shouldn’t ever try to talk to a man like an adult, you have to trick him into liking you. The thing I have such a problem with is this; once a man has one foot out the door, I mean, by the time we realize it, it’s too late to do anything. Their decision is made that they don’t want to be with you anymore. He says “I get that it can be a frightening idea that all it takes is just a few wrong words or actions as a woman and “Wham!”… the man in your life that you’ve been sharing so much of yourself with is suddenly not feeling it for you anymore.” in reply to a woman asking for advice. WOW, wait, did he just totally blame this man’s commitment issues totally on her? I get what he’s saying, don’t act needy and clingy. But what if this woman asking him why, wasn’t needy and clingy, what if the guy has issues that she can’t do anything about, are you still going to try to sell her your book…. looks like by the end of the email you have tried books and DVD programs.

Refer to my blog here. This was the end of Brown and I. I had done nothing up until that point that was needy, clingy, asked for attention, or was otherwise different from how I had been all along. I am just like my blogs in real life, just add a little sexy in there. I’m a smart ass, straight shooter, playful, silly, stupid, klutzy, smart, and yes, sometimes bitchy woman. He knew this the first time I met him, I don’t try to hide who I am, I embrace it, and everyone else should too. Yes, I had voiced a concern to him that we slept together too soon. All I said was 8 words “Do you think we had sex too soon?”. Those 8 little words were taken that I was needy, clingy, acting funny? How is that possible based on my previous behavior? I really want to know why I can’t have an open discussion about sex with someone I’m doing it with? Does that mean I can’t say “a little to the left” or “faster, harder, slower” or any other guidance during the act too? What exactly am I allowed to say that won’t be construed as “needy”? If I said “I wish we had more sex” I doubt that would cause such miscommunication. His reaction to my question was based on past experience with a clinger, not on my past behavior. So then when I was positive I was getting the brush off, I figured “eh, what the hell, I’ll try to give him his shit back, if he doesn’t reply, I’ll trash them”… dude tells me to “dial down the crazy”. WTF? You can see the conversation there. I wasn’t needy, clingy, as a matter of a fact, I was pissed by the end of it. I can’t give you exact words before I quoted the conversation because it would give away personal information, but I promise, it was NOT crazy, or needy, I just asked first if I should toss them, or second if I should pass them along to him if that was easier since he didn’t want to see me. All he had to do was say “ya, do that”, but his own guilt issues and well asshole issues, caused him to lump me with his crazy ex and every other clinger he’s had experience with, and also to attempt to make me feel bad, thus eliminating his guilt over pulling the disappearing act, seeing other women, and putting the blame back on me. You see what happened here? I do. And by the way, I’m bringing his glasses to work tomorrow to have a mutual person we both know pass them along to him, outta spite, instead of being the “crazy” he wants me to be and smashing them. Ya, I’m a little pouty, smashy would have been so fun. Damn ethics.

Sorry for the detour, I just think that example was important to drive home a point. Ladies, the thing is this, these “gurus” are out to make money. What they say about men isn’t right for all men, or even the majority of men. Movies like “The Ugly Truth” make it look like it’s up to us to be this perfect dream woman for this totally screwed up, commitment phobic, non-self actualized man. It’s a funny movie, don’t get me wrong, I own it, it totally cracks me up. And if you want that burden and you want to fake who you are for the duration of your relationship or rest of your life to catch that kind of man, by all means, take their advice and change who you are, but i promise you, he’s still going to lie to you and cheat on you and leave you anyway in the end. And where are the books for him, on how to not think we are all clingers and psychos? How about some of them fix their issues for once? Why the hell do I always have to compensate for some exgirlfriends issues? I’m telling you all, I’ve had it up to here. Do you see how high that is, well it’s as high as I can make it go, so deal with it, but I’m holding my hand up REALLY high!

So here is a little relationship advice for all of you. Men and women. Get over it, your past is not your future, your ex is not the same person you are dating now. If you can’t forgive them, yourself, and forget the pain you once felt, you should not be dating again. Get a therapist and get over it. Stop with these guru’s and go to a therapist if you want real advice, a book or newsletter or seminar can’t tell you what is wrong with your specific relationship. If you keep having the same issue over and over and over, go to a shrink if you can’t see what it is you are doing wrong, hell, ask a good friend to help you look at things. Maybe it’s not what you do, but who you pick that is the problem… Maybe if we all take our heads out of our asses for a while we can figure this out and learn to have happy relationships.

Ok, I really just wanted to use this image cause it's funny




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