Posts Tagged ‘women

16
Sep
10

Hello Captain Oblivious


I swear, I didn't make this, apparently someone else knows him too

I finally came up with a nickname for J. He is now, “Captain Oblivious”, this is of course of his own willingness to admit how oblivious he is to subtle cue’s of human interaction, especially when dealing with the fairer sex. Last night he called to explain about “The Uniform”, having to do with how a man chooses to dress when he goes out. They must either don the uniform or they look like a manager at best buy. There is more to it than that, but, lets get to the heart of why he is CO to me now.

CO proceeded to tell me some dating failure stories that frankly, didn’t seem THAT oblivious to me, but a few were more so than others. Maybe because of his age and relative nativity at the time I find it easy to accept.

First story is about a girl he knew for a while and was friends with, or so he thought. She started calling him at 3 a.m. to come over and “hang out”, now I know what everyone thinks… Three a.m. = booty call right? That is my clear interpretation of it as well, I’d never call someone at that hour unless I was serioiusly in distress and couldn’t be alone, or needed a ride home because I really couldn’t drive, but I wouldn’t ask them to stay, and not in my bed. You see where I’m going with this? CO was called to “hang out” and stay the night, even invited to stay in her bed with him, to which he didn’t undress in the slightest and each inch she crept closer to him he crept closer to the edge of the bed, until in fact, he fell off. The next time she did this, she went to go “change” and came back in her bra and panties and clued him in stating, how she could be more obvious. So… okay, I’ll give him that one, three a.m. “hang out”, sleep in my bed, is a clear signal of a booty call, hell the Black Eyed Peas have a song about it. Hello Captain Oblivious!

He told me about a story of when he was a freshman in college and during a dorm party, people would put coats and such items in a “nonparty” room. A girl had put her stuff in his room, and through out the part kept needing to go get various items, alone… with him. I’m guessing she had been flirting pretty obviously with him, but he didn’t catch the cue’s. End of the night comes around and as her friends are leaving her behind and he’s asking if she’s okay to walk home alone, she runs off with a scowl, leaving him thinking she’s mad at her friends. Uh.. nope, mad at him, for being so oblivious to her signals. Pretty funny I think as he found out the next day how angry she was.

There is another story about a girl he hung out with a lot for quite a long time in fact, he thought again, just friends. But they’d go out, nothing romantic would happen, and eventually one night she was too drunk to drive home, so he had her stay at his apartment. I hope I remember this right, but somehow he was kind of thrown against the wall and once again, asked how he could be so oblivious, and asked what he wanted. Clothes came off, he was speechless. This story I can sympathize with most, I think, in such a situation, I’d be somewhat clueless as well. I look at this situation as if him and I were friends and he did this with me, seriously, I’m pretty perceptive of how people feel, but if there was no prior physical attempts at affection, it would catch me totally off guard. But I think in prior blogs we’ve established someone just suddenly wanting casual sex from me, or going straight to a sexual relationship from out of nowhere isn’t my style, I guess other people do, maybe I’m clueless too for not ever quite understanding how that works.

Now, as a woman, I suppose I’m different in some ways, and pretty typical in others. I’m not likely to make the first move as far as physical affection outside of friendship type affection. I’m also not typical in that I’m not subtle when I do like someone, and am more than likely to make my intentions known up front. If someone hasn’t responded to subtle cues within a few hours, I’m likely to ask “well aren’t ya gonna kiss me?”, but they would also know, before we were in that setting if this was a date, or just friendship I was seeking. I try to be clear about my intentions with everyone up front. Not that people don’t change their minds, we all do it, I know it’s a woman’s prerogative to change her mind, I do it almost hourly about everything, as witnessed by many here.

No, I’m not trying to make CO feel better. He is oblivious, to some extent, and well… I’m not so sure I’m much better, at least at some of these situations. I mean, if someone says we are friends, that is my assumption until they tell me or show me CLEARLY otherwise. And then, if some dynamic of a relationship has changed, into more, or less, I want to talk about it, set clear boundaries, know what the intentions are. I mean, I’ve said it over and over again in my blog, I don’t understand what is so hard about being honest and just talking to people, it really would avoid so many misunderstandings in life. I think my clear cut way of dealing with people avoids a lot of bullshit, but also leaves me caught off guard at times when other people aren’t so clear with intentions. I’ve told CO my intentions with him are friendship, someone to do fun things with, and honestly, as selfish as it is, he makes me feel better. I wonder however, what he gets out of this from me? Huh… that just occurred to me to be curious.

I’ll send him the link to this, so he can comment further on the state of oblivion he lives in, and defend himself, it’s only fair. But, along with the link is more insight into how batshitcrazy I really am, more depth into the things that happened recently, not all of it, but some more than I’ve been able to offer, or care to discuss at the moment. I may post more later on other subjects going on in my life, yes, I do have other things, hush people, I know I’ve secluded myself a bit lately, but I’m working on it. Work has been so busy this week I’ve had little idle time to do much writing as I would like, or to even look for a job. What time I do have, we’ll blame wasting it on emailing CO back and forth. Hey, gotta have priorities right?

20
Aug
10

Coward


Main Entry: coward

Part of Speech: noun

Definition: person who is scared, easily intimidated

Synonyms: alarmist, baby, caitiff, chicken heart, chicken liver, chicken, craven, cur, dastard, deserter, faint-of-heart, faintheart, fraidy-cat, funk, gutless, invertebrate, jellyfish, lily liver, malingerer, mouse, pessimist, poltroon, quitter, rabbit, recreant, scaredy cat, shirk, shirker, skulker, sneak, weakling, white liver, wimp, yellow belly, yellow.

My favorite of these are lily liver and yellow belly. Those are just a few words I can use to describe at least 90% of the men I’ve dated, my friends have dated, hell that my mother has married. My friend Vol was dating my neighbor Deere. They met back in May at my graduation party, he was instantly smitten with her, almost speechless around her. She was hesitant about him because well, he’s 25 and she’s older, and she’s just come out of some pretty rough times of her own with an abusive husband she’s still in hiding from. Deere was stuck to her like glue, for months, I rarely saw him come home except to get clean clothes to go back to her house. Then while she was on vacation at the beach with her mother he was home, then when she got back, he was different. She said he barely talked to her while she was gone and when she asked why, he grew even more distant. After I talked with his roommate, aka. my hairdresser and awesome, she said Deere thought Vol was about to drop the “L” bomb! hahahahahah. Maybe Vol was going to drop the L bomb, but she denies it to me. So Vol has a talk with Deere, and tries to clear the air of all pressure on him. A week later after things had been normal again, he stops calling, answering her calls, and even ignores her when she’s sitting next to him in traffic and honks at him and calls! He refuses to acknowledge she exists suddenly. I don’t know why, I really don’t care, he’s too much of a coward to end a relationship with a woman he’s spent at least 5 nights a week with for several moths, he officially SUCKS.

They haven’t talked in 2 weeks, she came over last Friday and Saturday. I saw him Thur. night when I walked the dog the last time and said “look, I know you don’t want to talk about this, but Vol is coming over tomorrow night and it would be nice if you two could exchange personal property with out it being uncomfortable, how about you just leave her stuff on my patio and she’ll do the same with yours?” he agreed. Friday night, he didn’t leave her stuff, so she didn’t deliver his. He was home, she was freaked. I encouraged her to go over there, knock on the door, and ask him to come out and go for a walk and talk to her like a man. I mean, come on, this is the stupidest thing EVER. What grown ass man does this crap. Oh ya, I forget, ALL OF THEM! Seriously… grow a pair dude.

The worst part, what I know would happen if she did this, he would lie to her, tell her he’s sorry and they should work things out, he still cares about her and everything is ok and he’ll call her tomorrow. Then, he’d do the SAME.DAMN.THING! He’d go right back to ignoring avoiding her at all costs. Pathetic. All she wants is closure. Why don’t men get that? Closure shouldn’t be so hard to give us. Why is it so hard to tell us that you aren’t interested in us anymore? You don’t have to analyze it to death, if you don’t want to tell us why, don’t, but tell us it’s over, have some balls man! And then you wonder why you think all women are crazy? why all your ex’s are crazy? HELLO? REALLY? You don’t think it has ANYTHING, everything to do with the disappearing act? the avoidance? the “fraidy-cat, lily liver, invertebrate, jellyfish” manner in which YOU handle things with us?

Main Entry: cur

Part of Speech: noun

Definition: rotten, lowly animate being

Synonyms: black sheep, blackguard, bum, cad, coward , dog, good-for-nothing, heel, hound, ne’er-do-well, rat, riffraff, scoundrel, scum, skunk, snake, stinker, toad, villain, worm, wretch, yellow dog.

Maybe these are better terms for the kind of men I’m speaking of? But what I want to know is, are there any other kind? Do the real men we fantasize about as women really exist at all? I thought some men wrote movies, they write the characters that women want to be with, they know what we want, and yet where are these men? Maybe I’m delusional, maybe they are all married already, maybe they just don’t live in this country. I really have no idea anymore. And this isn’t just about closure, it’s about romance too. So many men and yes women too, are so scared to reveal their emotions, for fear they will make the other person run and do what Deere did to my friend. We shouldn’t have to be afraid of that, it just seems so utterly ridiculous to me that adults act this way. Why can’t a man allow himself to fall for a woman without over thinking it to death, why can’t the woman let him with out freaking out and running? And why can’t the woman when she falls back be allowed to show it? Where is the everlasting devotion in this century?

I know I’ve blogged about how I’m broken, I really am, I have nothing left to give to anyone at this point. I have spent most of my life giving and giving to my friends, always being there for them in their hour of need, I finally hit the point of nothing left to give to anyone. I think I’m glad my true friends recognize this about me and are there for me right now, they are giving to me now that I need it, and I appreciate it, but it still doesn’t change the emptiness I feel inside, no matter how great they are. You can’t warm a heart that doesn’t exist anymore. I go through the motions every day, doing what is expected of me, putting on a smile and fake conversation at work, try to hang out with friends, but really no one wants to hang out with someone who has nothing to say, nothing to give back. THIS ^ above what I talked about it, is part of it, being fed up.

Main Entry:     hopeless

Part of Speech:     adjective

Definition:     futile, pessimistic

Synonyms:     bad, beyond recall, cynical, dejected, demoralized, despairing, desperate, despondent, disconsolate, discouraging, downhearted, fatal, forlorn, gone, goner, helpless, ill-fated, impossible, impracticable, in despair, incurable, irredeemable, irreparable, irreversible, irrevocable, lost, menacing, no-win, past hope, pointless, sad, shot down, sinister, sunk, threatening, tragic, unachievable, unavailing, unfortunate, unmitigable, up the creek, useless, vain, woebegone, worsening.

I’m not sure what I will get out of writing today’s blog, probably nothing more than a way for me to whine and vent and let go of some of the anger building inside me. I suppose anger is better something, it’s not emptiness. But soon after the anger resides, I’m hollow again.

08
Aug
10

Being Alone


I stole this from KaPau! cause it’s great, and I like it, and cause she’s cool like that. Also because I’ve been spending some time with myself, kind of taking a break from dating, and running around like a socialite constantly obligated to some activity. It’s been nice. I bought New Moon yesterday, I’ll finish it today I’m sure. I’m mad at the book, I’m team Edward and he disappointed me, made me cry when he left Bella. But I won’t bore you all with my teenage fantasy book, lol. I was thinking of going somewhere alone today. Maybe I’ll go to the movies. I mean, I guess I should start some laundry and vacuum the house and mop, but after that I have the whole afternoon free. I frequently go for walks along in the woods, I guess I’m not totally alone, I bring my dog, but that usually leads to her running in the creeks, getting muddy and then I have to give her a bath, which she hates, and dodges by getting on my bed and making it muddy too. I think I’ll skip nature today and stick to civilization, it’s too hot anyway, when it cools off she can go hiking again. Maybe I’ll finish my book at starbucks, I could use some coffee this morning.

Old Kittah formerly Fat Kittah

I really shouldn’t be spending a lot of money right now, I have a lot of bills coming up. My dog is due for her annual check up and shots next month, my old cat is acting kinda funny and may have to go to the vet, might just be her arthritis hurting her. My car needs this squealy belt fixed and I may need new breaks. I got screwed over last place that did this for me, and thus is why 2 years later both have to be fixed again. I just got a check from the state, turns out I had “unclaimed property” in the sum of almost $600, from some old stock dividends my mom had in my name and transferred to me when I turned 18, we still aren’t sure why they didn’t roll over to the insurance policy or why they ended up with the state, the ins. company knows my address and contact info.  So both will use this up, if not a little more. But I think I can afford to throw in a cup of coffee today for the heck of it. Time to get in the showah if I’m going to do any of this today! Alone!

07
Aug
10

Lots of thinking today


There was a picture on here of me, but since my blog was recently forwarded to me by someone on facebook that didn’t read back or realize it was my blog but was just forwarding a funny post of mine, I had to delete all personal stuff that could be tracked back to me, sorry. 😦

This morning’s email did a number on me, initial reaction was that I’m mad, I still am mad, but I am getting over it. It was better for me to have said what I said than to cling to any hope he would do what he said he was doing, or to forget he’s a liar. I think the reason I fell so hard for him was that no one has said the things he said to me in such a long time. I miss that, even if it wasn’t true and he was just a manipulator. I miss someone being in love with me, saying beautiful things to me, dedicating songs to me. It felt a lot like first love, like I had never felt like that before. Remember when you were young/er, and you had that first spark of real love with a guy that had it back with you? Remember how you both couldn’t get enough of touching each other, not in a dirty way, but breathing each other in.

The best way I can describe it is in reference to Twilight, I just read it last week, and I haven’t ever read anyone describe falling in love quite the way it is in this book. I can’t even accurately describe how she describes it. The way Edward touches Bella, it evokes a feeling of realness. When I was with Mr. NY, that is how he made me feel. And it was fun, the wrestling, tickling, private jokes, laughter, secrets we told each other, looking into each others eyes and promising that we’d be together forever.  I can still feel that, just a little for him when I remember the good times. When I fell for him he said he was scared to get hurt, but “you separate the men from the boys by those that are willing to try again”. I had tears in my eyes from something someone said to me, that has NEVER happened to me. That was one of 100 beautiful things he said to me. He was if anything, a smooth talker.

But reality sinks in, and it’s like a thousand bricks come tumbling down with a loud crash, and what I’m left with is nothing but lies and disbelief, and a lot of dust. I want that feeling back damn it! I deserve to have that feeling back! I’m angry he did this to us, to me! Mostly, I’m angry at myself. I realize I had a wall up for 12 years after my first love broke my heart. This guy didn’t tear it down, he climbed over it. When he hurt me, it came crashing down as I realized that even having that wall up all this time didn’t protect me from someone who knew how to scale it, that was a professional climber and thief. The realization that I can be hurt, just as bad, if not more, if I kept the wall up, and continued to lie to myself, finally tore it down.

this was my cold black heart

So I become someone else, someone new. I’m not sure who the new me is yet. I’m not sure how to love someone, I don’t know what it should feel like when someone is honest with me and doesn’t have to work to climb a wall to get to my heart. I am glad this happened though, it awoke my heart. I had forgotten what it was like to fall in love with someone. Before him, I was so bitter, so jaded, I swore I’d never get married, that marriage was for suckers. It was a good defense mechanism, it served it’s purpose to get me through school and what I needed at the time. It also probably destroyed a few attempts at relationships over the last few years. I realize my friends, family, hell even people reading this may hate Mr. NY now. But I can see something good come out of this in the end. Me.

Going through all this, new found heart I guess you could call it, has me at a place in my life I’ve never been before. I think I’m ok with it though, not knowing what will happen next. It feels kind of out of my control, which isn’t a feeling I’ve ever liked, but I let it go, and somehow, I still feel ok not having control. I kind of feel like a weight has been lifted, I feel carefree.

04
Aug
10

pms


I woke up this morning with a huge zit on my left temple. Then I realized I was liking reading Twilight, a story of teen angst. Then I was craving chocolate when I wasn’t even hungry and bought 3 cookies and ate them all along with a sweet tea, and I have no sweet tooth. Then my friend posted some adoption video that was funny on facebook, I cried and laughed at the same time. And to top it off, as I post this my right foot is cramping up into charliehorse position of spread toes and excruciating pain.

I don’t think I’m getting much done tonight. I pity the fool that calls me tonight. Pity da foo! I think I’ll finish this beer and read the rest of Twilight and try to avoid anything else emotional.

01
Aug
10

Men… never say


This is my cat Jack, he's an asshole, he's tormenting his sisters

the word “pussy” in your first conversation with a woman, ugh… it’s so tacky. And especially don’t start talking about sex and making her “squirt cum” in the first 10 minutes… SERIOUSLY! Where do I meet these people? That is called “dirty talk” and something you do when involved in certain more sexual moments, not upon first conversing with someone. I’m so skeeved out right now. And on top of it, this guy is so needy, desperate, it’s just totally not attractive. Throw in a 6 in. goatee, too many tattoos to count, and a voice like he’s smoked 4 packs of cigarettes a day for 40 years at only 30 something years old…. no thanks. I see “future dirty biker dude” written all over this guy.

And.. BIG AND, I know the tell a girl you want a relationship, you want to get married, have kids, grow old with someone, think you win her over and then go straight to the sex talk and try to get laid bit! It’s NOT going to happen dude! Not with me, EVER!

I know I’m supposed to have this new found compassion, love for all people thing goin on here, but there are just somethings I can’t get down with. This is NOT someone I could bring around my parents, this isn’t even someone I could clean up and tell not to cuss around my parents. This is someone my parents would see on tv when I was a kid and say “stay away from people like that!”. Sorry dude, you may know 100 famous musicians, and talk about how they fuck women back stage, and then the next sentence say what nice great guys they are, if you don’t think I see that you are what you hang around, you didn’t see me comin! Other girls may fall for all the smooth talk, but I am NOT other girls! I am NOT impressed by musicians, famous people, hanging around famous people, expensive clothing, and all that crap. There is not one celebrity I’d hit it with… ok, maybe Johnny Depp, but he’s a one woman man, which is maybe why he’s so attractive.

Why do I get the feeling this won’t be the last we hear of rocker boy? they always want what they can’t have…

01
Aug
10

My biggest dating mistakes


I won’t pretend this is an original idea for a blog, especially since I stole it from here… http://www.sex-lies-dating.com. But I think the list is a good idea, maybe, just maybe, I’ll learn something from it and stop making these same damn mistakes again!

1. Potential– we’ve all done it. “he has so much potential”. Potential is the biggest load of crap reason to date someone or justify attraction. If you want to bang someone, just do it, don’t give him relationship potential and get all attached. If he doesn’t have it NOW, or isn’t working actively towards it in the very near future (not says he is, but really is), it will NEVER happen. Give up the dream. Potential doesn’t exist.

2. Sex– Having sex too soon when I want a commitment or long term relationship. Or acting like I am cool with what ever he wants to do, we don’t have to be exclusive. I’m not ok with casual sex for myself. I know I can’t sleep with someone for at least a month if I expect him to stick around for more than 3 fucks. But I do make this mistake over and over because I’m a slave/bitch to my hormones, and well, you know what they say about women in their 30’s? Well it’s not true, it’s worse than what they say and worse than you can imagine unless you are in my age group.

3. Words– not saying things to their face. Emails and texts are not the way to express your feelings to a man. Honestly, it’s easier, but I think that means I am not facing myself and my true feelings if I can’t face him. BAD.IDEA. I think in the future, if I’m wanting to say it in email or text, I’ll know it’s not real, it’s real when I can say it to his face and not puke. That’s love!

4. Fix you — I can NOT fix someone. I can’t help them get a job. I can’t change their personality. I can’t repair the heartbreak that makes them untrusting or have a vendetta against the opposite sex. I can’t change how they view women.

5. Not loving myself enough– big mistake. Comparing myself to their ex’s, other people they are dating, younger, skinnier, straighter teeth, smoother skin, tanner, smarter, and sexier women. There is NOTHING wrong with me, I’m beautiful, smart, sexy, caring, nurturing, adventurous, fun and more! Why wouldn’t someone want me?

6. Desperation — This is the biggest one. No, I’m not desperate to have a man in my life. People kept saying “don’t act desperate, it will scare a man away” and I kept thinking, “but I’m not desperate to have a man in my life, I’m happy alone, it’s easier that way”. Well folks, there are 2 kinds of desperation out there, I wasn’t aware of this until last night. Desperate to have a man, and desperate to not get hurt. I’m the latter. At 22 when my heart was broken, shattered and stomped on by the only man I ever truly loved in my life, I vowed to never let that happen again. I built walls to keep men out, tests to see if they would do the same as my ex, learned mind games to keep them just far enough away they couldn’t hurt me, really hurt me, the way he did. I got so good at it, I didn’t know I was doing it, I forgot. It’s been 13 years of doing this, self protection, and it’s funny that it’s such a self fulfilled prophecy. As soon as I liked someone, I was so desperate to not get hurt, I became a doormat so they wouldn’t leave, then played games subconsciously so they would before I liked them and fell in love. That folks is deep, and very fucked up. One of my very best friends in the world, heirloomgardengirl, always says I was too tough on men, put up too many walls. She was right, I was in denial, and denial my friends is the most powerful coping mechanism there is! No one but yourself can break it down.




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